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I prefer him as a lover

Dear Bunmi,

I have this male colleague at work and we are very friendly. We see and chat  with each other every day. We’re both single and so far, the relationship has been

purely platonic – except for once or twice that we have kissed when slightly tipsy.

Lately, I’ve been having fantasies about him. I’m not sure he feels the same way and I’m worried an affair might ruin our relationship. How do I make the first move without making a fool of myself.

Doyin by e-mail.

Dear Doyin,

Friendship is believed to be the best possible soil in which love can take root, grow and flourish. By contrast, an affair, which begins like a bolt from the blues, bums out fairly quickly when passion dies and the couple suddenly realises that they have very little to offer each other beyond intimacy. 

It is a good thing you bonded well with your male friend and he probably depends as much on your support as you do on his. Someone who know you at work knows the

real you; the way you react under pressure. And you know him just as well. You are, therefore, lucky to have found someone who is such a soul mate and whom you also

find attractive.

When it comes to love, women often call the shots through body language and subtle come-ons. As many men are terrified of rejection, you must be the one to make a move. If you don’t you’ll always regret it, wondering what might have been. And if you keep him at arm’s length, he may one day turn up with a girlfriend.

I’m sure you’ll find this devastating judging by how you now feel about him. So when next you go out together in the evening, stay alert for any signals that his interest

in you is not really platonic – and make sure booze is not high on the menu.

Try flirting a little to see if he’s willing to follow your lead. At the end of the evening, you may invite him for a proper drink. If he doesn’t respond as you would like, you won’t have harmed your friendship.


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