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I shouldn’t have strayed with her friend

Dear Bunmi,

Early this year, my wife found out that I was having an affair with a very close friend of hers and she was completely devastated. This friend of hers was in a financial mess and came to me for help.

One thing led to the another and we started having sex. I knew I wouldn’t get the money I lent her back and sex with her was supposed to be some sort of compensation.

My wife has completely cut off contact with this woman and although she says she still loves me, she can’t enjoy sex with me any more.

Most of the time, she just sees sex as a duty she has to go through. She says she’s deeply hurt that I betrayed her so shamelessly with her friend.

I love my wife and have told her that. But she said she couldn’t get over my betraying her to her best friend. Is she over-reaching?

Raymond, by e-mail.

Dear Raymond,

Apart from the fact that you’ve destroyed your wife’s trust emotionally by sleeping with a close friend of hers, she must have been alarmed at the money you lent her behind her back. She also realised you weren’t sorry you bedded her – only sorry that you were caught.

The way forward? You have to find out why your marriage got to the point where you felt tempted to cheat on your wife. Why did you encourage this woman to borrow from you without your wife’s knowledge?

Show her how sorry you are and don’t demand sex as of right.

Try and win back her trust by being affectionate and genuinely sorry for what you have done.

She will eventually forgive you – but she needs time.


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