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Is he loving or possessive?

By Josephine Agbonkhese

He accesses your social networking accounts, phone calls and text messages on a regular basis. He curbs your freedom and everything becomes subjective to his approval.  He double checks everything you say to be sure you’re telling the truth. He feels extremely jealous about your relationship with other members of the opposite sex and even your male boss. He is in touch throughout the day to be constantly informed about your entire activities.

love femiNow, would you call that true love or possessiveness and jealousy? But what if this ‘true love’ or ‘possessiveness’ goes too far and hinders a woman from living her own life, as it has for most women?

Admitted, every woman wants to feel loved and special, and as such find the aforementioned traits in their partner really exciting- but only at the beginning, as history has shown that it soon cascades into frustration for many.

According to relationship experts who say there is a thin line between love and possessiveness, the latter could be extremely unhealthy for any relationship and often has close to nothing to do with true love.

“Those traits are sheer jealousy and possessiveness, and as such, are part of abuse. They’re indicative that a person feels they own and can control another person. It’s perfectly fine to expect commitment, boundaries, etc., but these feelings are different.  Being uneasy about your partner’s relationship with the opposite sex for example shows a lack of trust, and trust is a vital part of any relationship,” says a relationship counselor.

“Love has very little to do with most people’s possessive nature. More often than not, it’s a man’s insecurity that makes him jealous and possessive. And each time he displays his possessiveness and gets to control his partner’s behavior, it makes him feel more powerful in the relationship,” Peterson, a young man in his mid forties who advised that women should confront every form of possessiveness from the onset added.

In spite of popular belief that partners save themselves a lot of grief and squabbles when they trust concurrently without excessively monitoring one another, some lovers still claim it is very normal to feel jealous and possessive for those they truly love.

“Every partner has all the right to be possessive. If you are in a relationship then you have some responsibilities towards the person you love. And then there are expectations. If you are committed to someone then you are like a part of their soul and a little space in their heart is meant just for you, and it is perfectly justifiable if you do not want to share that space with anyone else. People say that possessiveness can never be a part of true love but I say if you are not possessive of the person you truly love then you actually not love that person truly,” declared a young, married man in his late thirties.

It is however not in the tradition of Woman to Woman, WW, to judge. But whatever your verdict on true love and possessiveness is, we simply advise that a partner be made to understand the need to not suffocate another, right from the onset, as this could enhance stability in any relationship.



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