“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”, William Shakespeare, 1564-1616. (VANGUARD BOOK OF QUOTATIONS, VBQ,  p 123).

Lawyers, as a whole, constitute a pain in the wrong end of the body. As  necessary evils, they are more evil than necessary. Priding themselves as “learned” people, all they do is to make laws so complicated as to turn the law into an ass. No other profession, known to man calls its products “an ass.”

That should tell us something about the practitioners of the trade. Perhaps, Shakespeare was mostly right. From time immemorial, lawyers have cast a not so glorious image for themselves.

On that same page of VBQ, Sir William Gilbert, 1836-1911, had warned us that, “And whether you’re an honest man or whether you are a thief depends on whose solicitor has given me my brief.”

In plain language, Never Believe What A Lawyer Says Until You Know Who is His Client. Predictably, they wade into a lot of matters, armed with their biases, induced by who is paying them to argue.

They will fight tooth and nail to free a mass murderer or someone who embezzled all the money in his state – if the fee is right. Conscience is the first thing that takes flight once they enter the court room. “Winning”, for them, “is everything.”

Of all types of practitioners of this morbid profession, the worst are political lawyers. Those are the ones who are actively involved in politics and who are primed to do what they do worst – use words to deceive the unwary and subvert the process of making intelligent choices among candidates and political parties.

The most surprising thing about this profession, and the way it is practised, especially by political lawyers, is that it actually prides itself on being based on certain principles – which are supposed to be sacrosanct, but which political lawyers abandon at the least possible chance.

One of them is “allegation is no proof of guilt”, and its corollary, “he who asserts must prove.”  Even a level 100 law student is supposed to have mastered those principles. Generally, true professionalism in every field demands that every professional must adhere to the basic creeds of the profession – at all times. No exceptions are allowed.

What has this got to do with the “missing $49.8 billion”, you might be wondering? Plenty, as you will soon discover.

Among those who swallowed, hook, line and sinker, the former CBN Governor’s original story about “missing $49.8 billion”, and, who proceeded to demand for the resignations of the Ministers of Petroleum and Finance, were lawyers.

Two of them, formerly in the opposition party, APC, now back in the bosom of the PDP, no longer ask for the “missing money.” Now that they have crossed carpet, they have seen the money!!!

You can now see what Sir Gilbert means. Instead of asking Sanusi to prove his allegations or holding the Ministers innocent – until proved guilty as alleged by the former CBN Governor – they rushed to their Facebook and Twitter pages and let loose barrages of condemnation.

Where was the professionalism? Learned people are supposed to be people with brains; so where was the demonstration of brains – especially when it turned out that Sanusi LIED about $49.8 billion missing?

Last week, it was pointed out that the new Emir of Kano, when invited by the Senate, ended up by saying that the money “not remitted” could be US$20 billion, or US$12 billion or even US$10.8 billion. In short, the man who started the hysteria and unleashed the lynch mob was not even sure how much, if any money was missing.

At that point, personal and professional ethics demanded that all those who have leveled accusations against the President, and the Ministers should publicly apologise to them and turn their venom on the rumour monger.

Most of them, shamelessly kept quiet. That was bad enough; and it cannot, in any country or age, be regarded as demonstration of brains by individuals – learned or otherwise.

The real wonder of this episode manifested itself in the publication by the National Publicity Secretary of the APC– a lawyer. In an advertorial, he told Nigerians and the world the opportunity costs of alleged US$20 billion.

Apart from the fact that he did not explain how he came about how many housing units, schools, kilometers of road, which could be procured for the amount, the entire advertorial was predicated on the assumption that US$20 billion was missing – long after the author of the rumour had self-disclaimed the hoax.