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Match-making your children seldom works!

By Bunmi Sofola

A few years back, a group of my friends resolved to resort to subtle match making between our fast growing kids so we could at least have an input in the success of their marriage. The success we’ve had so far is not very encouraging. When it comes to romance, these youngsters knew what they want and no subtle or outright hints, contrary to their wish, would shift them. Still, there’s no harm in trying. And when Gemma, a friend’s first daughter came back from the States a couple of years back, our match-making instinct became sharpened.

She’d just finished her masters degree and had succumbed to her mum’s insistence she should come home and get her Youth Service out of the way. Gemma protested she didn’t need to, as she meant to go into private business right away.

But Fade, ‘our friend’, talked her into changing her mind in case she had the prospect of a political appointment in future. Her ambition wouldn’t be flawed by a simple thing as the lack of a service certificate. So, the poor girl came home looking ravishing and sophisticated.

Tundun, another good friend, married to a well – connected constitutional lawyer was at about the same time. planning a big bash for his son Roy’s 26th birthday. The lad had just returned from abroad too. He not only refused to go into the family business, he founded one with a couple of his friends with well – connected fathers, and they seemed to be doing very well indeed. His birthday bash would be a good testing ground to match make the two!

On the day of Roy’s party, a few of Tundun’s friends who attended were herded into a dimly lit corner in the big living room with an understanding we would discreetly disappear as soon as the party took off. We were about doing that when Gemma came in wearing a short black shirt, and her breasts were virtually spilling out of.her skimpy top!

Could Roy handle such a dynamo? She knew Roy of course, so the bantering started. The poor boy didn’t have any chance as he gawped at the vixen in front of him. I wish I could hang around to find out how this budding romance would play out, but Tundun took us all to her room and that was that. Just before the end of Gemma’s service year, Tundun rang me, raving and ranting it was because of my scheming that his son got bitten all over by a barracuda! I was a bit miffed.

What did it have to do with me? Gemima was a trollop, she insisted, and she’d succeeded in eroding her son’s confidence. When I asked her what happened, she told me Roy would soon be at mine. Why am I always the one to salve savage wounds?

Roy regarded me warily as he sat down a few hours later, Gemima is not your normal run – of- the mill girl,” he said sadly. “You know she slept at my place after my birthday bash? She was as horny as hell and gave me the amazing sex of my life. Thinking it would be a one-off, I was amazed when our sexual adventure continued at an increased tempo.

Within weeks she was virtually living with me – only going home for a change of clothing. I was deeply in love with her. I’d never known a woman like her – so unfettered, so wild, so passionate, “You haven’t seen anything yet’. “she warned. “And she was right.

Thank goodness I had my own flat! She seldom had much clothes on when she was around and had even cooked in the buff once in a while. Her sexual demands became too much for me especially when she told me she wanted to tie me to the bed so she could ride me as if I were a stallion. Maybe one  day, I told her not knowing what to make of her new experiment. And she was insatiable ,wanting it two to three times a night.

I am a working man and prefers quiet nights in, once in a while. But Gemima wanted us to do the rounds of most of the night clubs on the Island. When I couldn’t go with her, she went with other friends and it was inevitable that I learnt she’d been sleeping with some of our friends. When I asked her, she told me they weren’t as many men as the gossips said and that I should calm down – and just chill. I was shocked, How could she treat infidelity so casually?

“I told her I never wanted to see her again and she just shrugged and left, my heart breaking into unbelievable pieces. Since then, I’d relived my experience with her and wondered bitterly how things had gone so wrong.” “I told him to take things easy, that with  time he would be his old self again.

When I promised to have a word with Gemima, he told me I shouldn’t bother, not on his behalf anyway. He never wanted to see her again and the way her mum felt at the moment, she could strangle Gemima if she could get away with it! It was best she didn’t show her face in their house. When I called at Fade’s she was very subdued. I met an unrepentant Gemima who’d kindly agreed to stay long enough for me to have my say as she was on her way to yet another hot party.

“Roy is a nerd aunty,  she  said simply. “Or maybe I’m too much for him to handle. As a matter of fact, I’ve always been a handful for most men. I was really keen on Roy at first, especially with you people encouraging us. But what really put me off was his action in the bedroom. Nice and gentle is great most of the time when it comes to lovemaking, but sometimes I just want to get down to it, to have a bit of rough. What can beat the odd filthy quickly? Only, if I made suggestions on ways to spice things up.

Roy would quake in his boots.” I quickly pulled myself together to hide my amazement. Most of us never even had the guts to discuss sex with our parents not to talk of giving lurid accounts of our encounters! Fade, as cosmopolitan as she was, shifted with embarrassment.

“ I knew Roy didn’t deserve this, but I slept with a few of his friends because they were more adventurous,” Gemima continued, “Roy is a lovely man but he needs to broaden his mind. It was cruel of me to admit seeing other men, and I feel terrible about his being heart-broken,  but we never mentioned marriage or even going steady. I honestly hope he finds a nice girl soon – a home buddy like him. But he just wasn’t adventurous enough for me! Thank goodness I’ll be going back very soon and if I’m meant to be married and settled, believe me, I will be.”

FORGET the pills and pick me up. Never mind retail therapy if you’re feeling down in the  dumps, there’s a simple solution. Have more sex! Psychologists have found that women who have sex frequently are less likely to be depressed. Experts now believe that it isn’t lovemaking itself that gives women a lift; it is the feel-good chemicals in a man’s semen.

These chemicals get into a woman’s bloodstream and act just like an antidepressant. A study published in the Achievers of Sexual Behaviour reveals how researchers at New York University logged the sexual activities and depression of 30 women. Those women who had sex but didn’t use condom were found to be less depressed than women who had protected sex and those who had no sex at all.

The report claims that the vagina absorbs several biological products contained in seminal fluid that can be measured in the bloodstream within several hours. “Our findings are consistent with the suggestion that semen in the female reproductive tract may playa role in modulating depressive symptoms”.

Semen, the fluid men ejaculate on.”. orgasm, is full of millions of sperms that compete to fertilize a woman’s egg. But now, it seems that fluid may provide health benefits too. Some heavily pregnant women have even been advised to have more sex in order to trigger labour! This is because the prostaglandins in semen can cause the womb to contract.  Having sex is a natural way to get things going if a baby is due.

But making love could also be the key to preventing complications in pregnancy. Some Australian experts believe that having lots of unprotected sex with your partner – as much as a year before conception may help avoid problems that sometimes lead to miscarriage and stillbirths,- including Pre-eclampsia, a potentially fatal condition characterized by high blood pressure in pregnant women. And performing oral sex, although, not everyone’s’ inclination is also significant. In one study, 41 pregnant women with pre-eclampsia were compared with 44 pregnant women without.

It emerged that only 44 per cent of the women with preeclampsia performed oral-sex-compared with 82 per cent of those without. This finding seemed to support an earlier study which found that a history of condom use, which naturally protects women from coming into contact with semen, increases the  risk of preeclampsia.

So, how can semen make such a difference? The theory goes like this; Sperm is packed with foreign proteins, so, the woman’s immune system goes on high alert at the first sign of it. But cleverly, sperm also contains components that help the woman’s body accept it readily. The key component is called “TGF-beta”, This acts like a switch, transforming what would normally be a hostile reaction to file foreign invaders into a friendly one. This means that the woman’s body won’t kill all the sperm or, if she should fall pregnant, her growing baby.

But sometimes, a woman’s immune system is not won over and this could explain some cases of infertility and repeated early miscarriage. If the rejection is milder, it may affect only the placenta, but immune rejection may also be the reason that some women develop preeclampsia. It is a controversial theory; but Gustaaf Dekker, a member of the team of reproductive biologists at the University of Adelaide, believes it makes sense.


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