By Donu Kogbara

SINCE so many Nigerian politicians regard rigging as the only effective method of triumphing electorally and seem to have absolutely no idea how to charm and impress voters, I would like to offer them a few observations and tips:

It is much nicer and easier to be liked than to be loathed. Nobody can please all of the people all of the time. But if you please most of the people most of the time, most of the people around you will be sad if you suffer and will bend over backwards to help and defend you whenever you face challenges.

And if thuggish opponents try to physically attack you at rallies, most folks will be outraged on your behalf and may even confront the thugs on your behalf.

If, on the other hand, you allow yourself to become hated by the majority, you will be a constant target for abuse. And normally reasonable people will scheme against you, rejoice when you are down and go out of their way to embarrass you. If you are known to be capable of violence, many of your constituents will be too scared to mess you up openly. But, trust me, even if they act as if they have nothing against you, quite a few of them will covertly help your enemies.

It is actually very simple for a politician to be loved. All he or she has to do is use public funds productively and be genuinely kind to as many people as possible

Being overtly arrogant and chronically selfish – or pretending to be amicable when you are, in reality, a treacherous backstabber, is not a good idea. Why not earn the victories and status you crave? Why not opt for conduct that will attract droves of sincere allies and make crowds cheer when you show up?

It is a whole heap cheaper and less stressful to win an election legitimately than to engage in malpractices. Cheaper because you won’t have to spend vast sums on substantial bribes (if people want you to win, they will be less demanding and will gladly, in some cases, campaign for you without charging you a dime).

Less stressful because sneaking around organising dubious deeds like multiple thumb-printing and ballot box-snatching – often in the dead of the night – is not the most relaxing way to live your life. Even in a place where well-connected law-breakers rarely get jailed or punished in other ways, God sometimes intervenes; and it is risky and tension-generating to do things that might put you in trouble.

Thanks to modern scientific and technological advances –  biometrics, forensics and cameras that can be cleverly concealed in small, inconspicuous everyday items. For example, it has become considerably less arduous than it once was to catch riggers with their pants down, deliver concrete evidence against them in courts/tribunals, disgrace them and deprive them of their ill-gotten seats.

Even if you grew up in a dishonest environment or were trained by mentors who like to corrupt young protégés and teach them appalling habits, it is possible to transform your outlook and ditch negative behaviour patterns and make this country a better place for everyone, including yourself and your children.

Fears and hopes

RUMOURS making the round say Alao-Akala, the recently defeated former Governor of Oyo State, might get a ministerial appointment. These rumours horrify me because the man has the appearance of a tout. And I hope that President Jonathan will not even think of inviting him into the new cabinet.

The possibility that Mrs Diezani Alison-Madueke will retain the Petroleum Ministry slot is also giving me sleepless nights. I am making this point  very reluctantly because she has a truly wonderful mother whom I’d rather not offend. But an entire nation’s wellbeing will always be more important than one’s personal affection for certain individuals. And given that journalists have a sacred duty to tell the truth when crucial principles and collective interests are at stake, I have to say that Madame D has been a great disappointment.

Madame D is not stupid. She definitely has a brain.  But she is not skilled, experienced or hard-working enough to be the custodian of the Giant of Africa’s main economic resource. And she is not willing to respect the many experts she has at her disposal and humbly learn as much as she can from them.

I was a founding member of the Presidential Oil/Gas Sector Reform Implementation Committee, the body that drafted the Petroleum Industry Bill.

And I have patiently waited, for far too long, for Madame D to get that Bill passed, inspire confidence in our foreign partners, give Nigerian Content legislation a chance to fly and fulfil her potential in various other ways.

But Madame D is shallow. She prefers style, Hollywood-esque razzmatazz and glib inaccurate statements to substance and solid service delivery; and she doesn’t seem to be sufficiently concerned about her reputation either.

Even if she doesn’t deserve the dodgy stories that are constantly told about her, she isn’t trying hard enough to prove that she is a serious professional who got and accepted this highly privileged position for the right reasons.

Madame D is the first-ever female Petroleum Minister in Nigeria and Africa (and maybe in the world as well). And she owed it to herself, her family, her boss and the rest of us to make the right kind of mark in terms of image and performance…and go down in history as a great success. But she has blown it.

Any Minister who has not sorted out vital fundamentals in one year should be unceremoniously shunted into retirement. And I’m praying that Mr President will justify the faith that so many have in him by replacing her with someone who can provide our oil industry with the massive boost that it desperately needs.

Lessons in fair play
I HEAR that the latest crop of Federal legislators-elect (senators and House of Representatives members) are currently in an orientation centre where they are being tutored in National Assembly procedures and protocols.

Given that some of these soon-to-be-sworn-in politicians are fraudulent beneficiaries of blatantly rigged polls and did not really win the seats that they claim to have won, it’s a pity that they weren’t sent to this orientation centre BEFORE the elections…to learn how to win popularity contests fair and square.