Get captivated

May 1, 2011

Are you still having sex with your spouse

Men and women don’’t know how to please each other very well at all. There simply has been too much focus on intercourse as a way of reaching mutual pleasure. It takes more than 20 minutes, on average, for a woman to become aroused to the point of orgasm. 75% of men don’’t take 2 minutes, and not enough men and women have worked at mastering The Art of a 25-Minute Arousal.

So getting it wrong from the very beginning can cause so many problems at the end. So many couples don’t even understand each other’s body, and are not willing to learn, because to learn might mean to humble yourself and say I don’t know how to really satisfy my spouse in bed. Now that might sound like a contradiction after all your boastings about your escapade before you got married, but look at you now, your spouse simply says you don’t know how to satisfy him/her in Bed. As you read this, do you know that a lot of married couples in Nigeria are in a Sexless Marriages? It’s becoming a common incident now that you have couples who live in the same house, and yet have not been sleeping with each other for about two years.

I am writing because this is growing into an Epidemic that may destroy all of us married or not if we don’’t do anything about it. This concerns every one of us, because being in a sexless marriage will end marriages if nothing is done to remedy it. Maybe you should also know that a sexless marriage can be remedied irrespective of what has caused it, physical, emotional, psychological or even spiritual, it definitely can be remedied. Have you considered talking to a Marriage Counselor? Too many of our married women are now involved with extra marital affairs, and majority of these women were never promiscuous before they got married.

This is a sign that something has to be done now, someone has to start talking and looking for a way out of this epidemic that is about to destroy more marriages and make sure that our children being born now never know the pleasure and experience of living in a loving home with a Mummy and Daddy. Kindly Take this Survey if you find yourself in this situation and let’’s talk on +234 803 719 4335/ +234 80 5353 7663/ BB 2219041E, later.

This portion is to be filled by husbands

1. How old were you when you stopped having sex with your wife?

A. 21-30 B. 31-40 C. 41-50 D. 51-60 E. Over 60

2. How old was your wife when you stopped having sex with her?

A. 21-30 B. 31-40 C. 41-50 D. 51-60 E. Over 60

3. What year in your marriage did you stop having sex with your wife?

A. 1-5 yrs B. 6-10 yrs C. 11-15 yrs D. 16-20 yrs E. Over 20 yrs

4. Did you have sex with someone else after you stopped having sex with your wife?

A. Yes B. No

5. Why did you stop having sex with your wife?

A. Angry at her. B. No longer found her attractive. C. Depressed, anxious or worried. D. On medication that lowered your libido. E. Having an affair with someone else. F. Having difficulty having sex (erectile dysfunction, rapid ejaculation, etc). G. Tired.

6. Were any of the following additional reasons why you stopped being sexual with your wife:

She was overly critical. She wasn’t sexually adventurous. I lost interest in sex and don’t know why. I thought I was gay. I had a poor image of my body. Other (please specify)

7. Other factors that might have ended your interest in having sex with your wife ? Time with children Career obligations Other (please specify) ?

8. How much time (if any) do you spend watching porn on line? If you use other kinds of porn, please use the “other” field to explain?

One to five hours per week? Six to ten hours per week? Eleven hours or more per week? Other (please specify)?


This portion is to be filled by wives

1. How old were you when your husband stopped having sex with you?

A. 21-30 B. 31-40 C. 41-50 D. 51-60 E. Over 60

2. How old was your husband when he stopped being sexual with you? A. 21-30 ? ?B. 31-40 ? ?C. 41-50 ? ?D. 51-60 ? ?E. Over 60

3. How long have you been married ? ?How long have you been married?

A. 1-5 yrs B. 6-10 yrs C. 11-15 yrs D. 16-20 yrs E. Over 20 yrs

4. What year in your marriage did he stop having sex with you?

A. 1- 5 y r B. 6-10 y r C. 11-15 y r D. 20+ y r

5. How did you react?

A. I had an affair. B. Got the two of you into counseling. C. Tried to get him into counseling but he wouldn’t go. D. I did nothing. E. I separated or divorced him. F. Felt a sense of relief.

6. Why do you think your husband stopped having sex with you? You may check more than one option. He was depressed. He was on medication that lowered his libido. He had health issues that interfered with his sexuality. He was gay. He was asexual. He was angry at me. I had gained a lot of weight. I became unattractive. He never really liked sex. Other (please specify)

7. If your husband looks at online porn, how much time do you think he spends doing it? (Skip this question if it does not apply.) One to five hours a week. Six to ten hours a week. Eleven hours or more.

8. Did your husband use any other kind of porn and how many hours per week would he use it? (If this does not apply to your situation, please skip.)?

Video One to five hours. Six to ten hours. Eleven hours or more. Other (please specify)

We will deal more with this in the next edition of ““GET CAPTIVATED””. Don’’t miss it. REFLECTION FOR THE WEEK: I’ve learned a lot. I’’ve learned that everything does happen for a reason. I’ve learned that everyone I’ve met has helped me to grow & learn in some way, whether they’ve been there as support or to make my life a living hell, it still helped me learn. I’’ve learned to just accept things & not question things too much. I’’ve learned not to take things too seriously because it just stresses you out too much. I’’ve learned to suck it up, keep my head up, and continue on with life like it didn’t bother me at all. I’’ve learned that you have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. and most importantly, I know that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.