Hello Jerome, my name is Victoria and I am an ardent reader of your column. I was particularly touched by your topic Are you in love with a Loser, because I was until recently in a relationship with a loser, a guy who tried to break me in every possible way, but thanks to God, my Moms counsel, and my courage that helped me to break free from it amidst pains and heartbreak.
Right now I am having the best time of my life devoid of pain and worry. Your article reminded me with nostalgia my ordeal in the recent past and how enslaving and destructive that sort of relationship can be in ones life. In fact I regard my breakthrough as a Miracle, and that is why I commend you and your efforts at redirecting the zest of youths at sustaining only positive and healthy relationships while discarding Disasters to Happen relationships like hot charcoals. Had it not been for my Mothers counsel and Gods Grace, I dont know what would have become of me now, (probably married to him now and living a life of eternal regret like most women married to such losers are doing today) because looking back, he possessed all the character traits you enumerated and even more, gush! I feel so disgusted with myself for having ever gotten involved with such a relationship, even though I am healed of the trauma I passed through then. But like the Bible emphasizes the importance of wise counsel in lifes decisions, I beg you as a Relationship Coach to hammer it hard into the ears of ladies in this bottomless pit to do themselves the favor by just letting go off this sort of never ending story sort of relationship fast before it cost them their own heads, as its only in the presence of wise counsel and a listening ear that purposes are established. Thank you very much Jerome.
Thank you very much for reading my articles Victoria. I guess your name VICTORIA says it all. I pray for you that you will always move from victory to triumphs in your life. Amen.
We are having problems with our men taking responsibility today, and as a result, ladies who are interested in finding and having good men in their lives are finding it to be the tasks of their lives. I think the Big Question today should be How can we build and have a community of men who are really ready to answer their call from God to BE THE MAN?
For us to make progress here, I believe all hands have to be on deck, and when I say all hands on deck, I mean everyone, home, family, institutions, places of worship, government, nongovernmental organizations etc etc, because we are dealing with the age of the irresponsible man, a man who refuses to accept himself and all the responsibilities that goes with being the man.
Every home today seem to have one young man or man or father, uncle, brother, brother in-law that is doing nothing at this time, not because there is nothing to do, but trust me, because he is lazy and irresponsible. So as a lady, before you blame your boyfriend, when was the last time that you reprimanded your own brother etc. Fathers, before you reprimand your son, when was the last time you put money down for up keep at home, its very unfortunate that you are the only man that that boy has grown to have as a mentor.
It has become so bad now these days that most ladies who introduce their boyfriends cant say precisely what these guys are doing as a profession, and by the time they start coining names of a profession that add no values to the human life, and thus no reward in it, you are forced to say okay, okay Ferdinand, it is a pleasure meeting you, and I hope you have a nice day. It is even worse when it is your own blood sister that brings such a nonentity for a man home as a future husband. But you see when a lady is desperate for marriage, believe me anything goes, and a lot of never do wells who call themselves by the name man, take advantage of that. How can you bring home to us a man who is 35 years and you cant tell us precisely what he does, not to talk of the fool at 40 that some of you ladies bring home, who is obviously a fool forever. You meet a disaster waiting to happen, and then you put your head and expect your whole being not to be bombed like the Independence Bomb Blast that will go down history. No wonder some cool ladies we use to know have gone off circulation after they got married, because they are now living with the hell of a wrong choice. How can you be getting ready for your marriage and hide it from the whole world that you are the one paying for everything even the born fools Wedding suit that you are about to get imprisoned with, thinking its marriage. Do you know how many women make this mistake every day? Why do you want to join this number of increasing miserable women who were also warned, but didnt listen before they entered their doom. I weep for these women daily who have projects as husbands at home.
I believe we can stop this holocaust of love that makes romantic relationships or marriage some kind of Menstrual Pain that every woman must pass through because it seems natural. Well, I have got news for you that what most couples have been experiencing (Women taking on the roles of men, with men doing nothing at all) in their marriages these days can be very unnatural, and we can stop it now before we breed a whole generation of dysfunctional children.
Stop dating men who ask you to send them phone credits.
Stop dating men who never have money and you always have to pay when you go out.
Stop dating men who always borrow money from you, 95% of men wont pay back.
Stop dating men who dont have jobs or credible means of livelihood.
Stop planning marriage with men who cant contribute anything to the wedding preparations.Stop dating men who are violent or cant control their temper except you are a psychiatrist.
Stop dating men who tell you to wait until their girlfriend leaves and then you can be NOS 1.
Stop dating men who never like you to know where he lives or meet anyone in his family.
Stop dating men who just want you for sex.
Stop dating married men, 90% of African men wont leave their wives for you.
Stop dating men who are available, but not suitable.
Most Matchmaking organizations today want to push the available men to you, but you need to ask yourself if he is really suitable for you. If you have waited this long, then why end up with an independent bomb blast?
Parents, stop forcing your of age daughters to get married at all cost so you can save your face in the society.
Fathers, inquire very well about a future son in-law before you agree to hand over your daughter to him at the altar so you wont have led her like a lamb to the slaughter like so many fathers have done to their daughters just because they will not make investigations.
Fathers and Mothers make your older daughters who are still single very comfortable at home, become their friends and confidants.
Brothers and Sisters of Matured single ladies, include them in your outings, send them gifts to show how much they are appreciated.
Places of Worship, plan get-away thats takes stress off your matured singles, and social dates that helps them to interact in a sincere atmosphere of Gods love.
When we start to do these things, I believe there will be no more hiding place for some of our lazy, fraudulent brothers, uncles, sons and fathers, and they will be forced to find something to do with their lives. We must stop this holocaust of love going on.