Everything has its life span; even the very lives we live on earth. We may live forever in Heaven but as long as we are here on earth, there is a time to be born and a time to die. Everything that will happen to you as a person will also happen within that lifespan. Who knows, for me, it may be the last time I will be writing, but I pray not. Or, for you, it may be the last time that you will be reading, but I pray not too. For some of us, this may be our last Christmas and yet for others, it will be their very first.
I remember a client of mine who had cooked all she could on a certain Christmas Day and had expected her husband and his two other friends to spend the day in their home. She had told her husband to stay back and enjoy the day with her but he was always used to going around with the boys and painting the town red. And so, as usual, he begged her and told her that they (he and two other friends) will be back soon.
When she waited till night and had not seen them, she started to share the food and drinks out to their neighbors; thinking of how she was going to scold him when he comes back.
She was angry to the point of wanting to curse him when he comes back and let him know how he had always made her life miserable by these outings with the boys, only for him to always come back with many apologies, but never changing.
Of course, she had warned him that his way of life may jeopardize his entire life some day if he does not think and find ways of making amends. But like you know, men will be men. We hardly listen to our wives until we get to the point of no return. Unfortunately, we do not jeopardize our lives alone, but also the lives of those that are related to us. To cut my story short, this man died on that Christmas Day alongside his friends in a ghastly motor accident. The three of them left widows behind; one of the widows had just had a child while the other was pregnant.
This is one of the many tragedies that could have been avoided if only men listen to our wives (or girl friends).
Why don’t men listen to their wives or girl friends? I guess for a lot of reasons. But I think the most important is that we don’t think women understand our deepest needs.
For instance, as a man, I don’t want you to question me. I want to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do them; and I don’t want to believe I have to report myself to you.
I want to buy a new car even though I know that we will soon be paying the children’s school fees. I want to welcome friendships from other females and not have you my wife or girl friend question me as long as I have married you or promised you marriage.
I want you to understand that my brothers and sisters are trouble makers and I have always been careful around them all these while for the sake of peace; so, I want you, my wife or girlfriend, to do the same even when my sisters come to live with us and go into your kitchen and, without your permission, take foodstuff to cook for themselves.
Please just ignore it; remember, they will soon be leaving and we can be alone with each other again. I don’t want you to touch my phones to read my text messages and I do not want you to complain about the ladies that call me in the night when we are asleep. After all, these are helpless ladies who are not just fortunate to have a man of their own for now and until they do, why can’t I be there for them for now?
Well, maybe on the surface, these are what some of us men consider as our needs but as we look deeper, we will realize that these superficial needs come with deeper needs. And, until men come to understand what these deep issues that have becomes needs are, we may always want to deal with the surface and not the depths. This is what always puts us into trouble.
Why, for example, will I want to buy a new car when I am just a week away from paying my children’s school fees, keep it away from my wife and older children, leave home with a car and then, suddenly, come back home with two expecting to see delight in the faces of my wife and children but get welcomed with melancholia on their faces and attitude.
Of course, they show that they are not happy for me and are not ready to see me happy. Yes, maybe for another family, the arrival of that car is the best thing that would happen to them but for you, the arrival of that car is the best thing that will happen to you alone at least for now; because the deepest need that got you to acquire that car was simply your need for progress in your life, at that time, and I mean visible progress.
Every man has need for progress. It makes him know all his efforts are not in vain. With that new car in his garage, everybody around him realizes that all the efforts he has been making has paid off. Whenever he drives the new car around, he feels good with himself and is eager to go to work the next day.
The question is: At what expense is he going to allow this liability he has just acquired for himself to make him happy and how long will this superficial feeling last for before he begins to loathe the car and his family along with it, saying they never care about whatever he tries to do to make them happy; whereas it was all about his own undefined needs.
If he had told his wife how he had been feeling for sometime like he doesn’t think he is making progress in life, his wife would have done a good job helping him with details of what he had been able to do in the lives of his children, so far, which would have encouraged him to want to do more knowing of a truth that he is not only making progress, but that his progress is also contributing to the overall progress of the entire family. He would not have needed that new car after all.
But if he has brought the car or he is probably seeing a new lady saying he thinks he is due for a new wife; then, there are ways to handle situations like that that might make him come back to his senses. To find out, contact me immediately.
For counselling appointments with Jerome on marriage, relationships and career, call +2348037194335. To attend a “Let’s Get Married” event, (the next one will be a romantic time with Tunji and Tosin Doherty), call +2348053537663. You may also add Jerome as friend on FACEBOOK as Jerome Onipede.