Dear Bunmi, My current man is 67 and we get on well together. I’m in my early 50s. His fault is that he’s constantly eyeing young girls when he’s with me.

When I asked him why he looks at 16-year old girls, he replied: “They are well developed these days.”

Why does he behave like this at his age? I’ve told him a few times that I find his behaviour annoying. I look after myself, have a nice figure and a good disposition.

Isn’t that enough? We’re compatible otherwise, but his lecherous way really spoils things.

Risikat
By e-mail

Dear Risikat,
Like most men, your boyfriend tends to behave in ways that suit his self-image. Most men, just like their female counterpart, like to think of themselves as attractive to the opposite sex.

Now that your man’s sexual attractiveness is declining, he increasingly seeks fulfillment in fantasy – maybe he used to see himself a stud who had sex with young, fertile women!

Now that that has become impossible, he chases dreams in which his continued sexual success as a man is guaranteed.

His behaviour might be shocking to you but your best bet is to ignore him. Stop competing with the young girls he seems to be panting over and be yourself

For now, the only woman he wants and can have is you, so humour him – or ogle younger men to give him a good run for his money!

Too randy for me

Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend is far too randy for me. He wants lots of hot sex every night, and he goes at it fast and furious.

Sometimes we go on for hours and I end up sore and exhausted. It may sound like I’m the luckiest woman on earth but too much of everything is bad and I’m getting bored and upset by it all — to the point where I don’t look forward to sex with him.

How can I tell him I don’t want sex all the time?
Ramat
By e-mail

Dear Ramat,
The earlier you told him the truth the better for your relationship. It is not possible to keep doing something you don’t want. Your body and mind will eventually say no, plus, he might only be doing it every night because he thinks you enjoy it.

He may actually be forcing himself to go on for hours to keep you happy. In which case explaining how you feel will be a relief to him.

So, reassure him that it is not the quality of the sex that puts you off, it is the quantity. It is not what he’s doing. It’s how often he does it. But tell him you must.

A friend’s betrayal

Dear Bunmi,
I recently ran into my boss at a get-together party and was so drunk that I agreed to go to his flat with him. I ended up sleeping with him and told one of my friends, who’s also a co-worker, about it.

I thought I could trust her but she’s blabbed it around the office. My boss hasn’t asked me anything yet. Do you think I should admit it so people will stop talking or should I just keep quiet and hope it goes away?
Gbemi
By e-mail

Dear Gbemi,
It’s your so-called friend’s word against yours so keep quiet. Be deliberately polite and friendly to the “friend” who blabbed so people don’t suspect how furious you are – this will discredit her and make your co-workers doubt her story.

If people ask you outright if its true, smile and say ‘I’ve heard that rumour, I find it very amusing,’ then change the topic. You’re not lying by saying this but you are insinuating there’s no truth in it.

In a few weeks it will probably die out. If it doesn’t outright sealed lips will do the trick. There’s a reason why sleeping with the boss often tops the list of sexual no-nos and this is a good one. The fact that you were drunk when it happened is no excuse.

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