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Are you being honest with yourself?

I’d like us to take an even deeper look at honesty this week. We want others to be honest with us yet we often overlook one crucial factor: we forget that we often deceive others and more important we often deceive ourselves. So how can we become more honest with ourselves?

That is an issue that I have been dealing with for the last several years. They have been years of significant change. And, each change, large or small, was sparked by truth. I have entered into an ongoing process of becoming truthful with myself. Through my twenties I felt anesthetized, floating along. I focused on outward circumstances and the achievements that others told me represented a successful life.

Though I noticed longing (like hunger pangs) for something better in my life, I often suppressed these urges. I found plenty of ways to numb myself from a glass of wine to a trip with friends to focusing on my next set of personal goals. Rather than tuning into to my inner broadcast that trumpeted: “I don’t like my life!” I lived in a state of endless “noise”–with continual thinking, continual activity and endless attempts to find comfort in possessions or relationships. I kept myself from seeing or knowing myself. I tried to drown out the voice of truth inside me.

Meanwhile, my life was full of emotional, physical and relational signals telling me that I needed a change. I was often on the verge of tears in dealing with life’s challenges. Conflict colored many of my close relationships. I was physically exhausted, even experiencing sharp pains in my chest. Despite all these signs, I was still focused on finding the next “fix” to make my life feel ok. Even when I saw myself approaching breakdown, I was seriously considering adding an additional 20 to 40 hours of graduate classes a week to my absurdly busy schedule. I believed that if I got an MBA, I would feel better.

As I look back the indications were obvious my whole being was begging me to change. I was deaf, blind and dumb to the built-in warning systems that gave a clear assessment: “YOU ARE UNHAPPY.” I see now that my interactions with myself were like those I see in many marriage relationships.

Consider this scenario. A wife has inklings that something is amiss. She observes suspect behaviors. Her husband is receiving text messages and cell phone calls from numbers she doesn’t know. Her friends and family members might even mention that they’ve seen him with other women. However, she finds excuses for her feelings and rationalizes what she has been told. She ignores the signals that her husband is being unfaithful because she doesn’t want to face the truth.

We look at that story and say, “How can she ignore what is going on?” We judge a wife like that for being blind to the facts. Yet, that is what we often do with our own inner truth we disregard it.

All of the indicators are there. The Universe provides us the signals. It is our responsibility to tune in. It’s up to us as individuals to open to self honesty.

If any of this seems familiar, you may be ready to tune into yourself. You have built in systems that will guide you towards a happy, healthy, joyful life. They can only do this when you will open and give them your attention. Will you open to tuning into the following systems you have access to?

Your emotions offer valuable wisdom. Do you feel any of the following emotions on a regular basis: sadness, anger, jealousy, depression, hurt or fear? If so, be thankful. These emotions are a gift from the Divine. We were created with an emotional compass. Your emotions are telling you what does and does not work in your life. You can become an expert on yourself by accepting and experiencing each emotion that comes up.

1.Tune into the good emotions too! Ask for insight about the reasons behind each emotion. What is causing this fear? Why do you feel hope? What just made you smile? Once you understand your emotions, you will know how to consciously move toward beliefs and experiences that help you feel good.

2. Observe your thoughts. Your thoughts show you your beliefs about lifesome that limit you and others that lead you to freedom. Don’t accept your thoughts without question. Become a detective and look for clues. Pay particular attention to the thought sequences that play repeatedly in your mind. Be alert to negative self-talk and debilitating fears that keep you chained to old ways.

3. Listen to your body. Are you relaxed or do you feel continual underlying anxiety? Take a few moments to lie down or sit still. Scan your body from head to toe. Are there spots that feel tense? What is causing this tension? Do any areas feel really good? Appreciate them.

Focus your energy on the areas in your body that need extra support. Ask your body what it needs. Listen to what it tells you. Your body doesn’t lie.

4. Capitalize on your intuition. Gut reactions, an inner knowing these are special tools the Divine offers you. It feels like a knowing without having concrete information to know. Have you ever noticed a bad vibe when you met someone? You felt that there was something suspect or you had a feeling that it would be best to keep a distance from the person? Don’t ignore this. You are feeling and reading energy, a vibe that another person gives off. Spirit is giving you hints and helps to make your journey easier. Don’t ignore or suppress these feelings.

5. Open to the uncomfortable aspects of your life. Let your inner conflict surface. Are you miserable in your job? Do you dread going home at night? Admit these things to yourself instead of repressing them. Personal discomfort is a wonderful tool! Don’t avoid it. Feel it. Understand it. Explore it. Any inner or outer uneasiness indicates that there is learning and growth available to you.

Don’t assume that misery is a necessary part of daily life. As a friend of mine says, “Suffering is overrated.” Each of us has more power to change more of our experience than we generally realize.

Now that you’ve read this discussion, how would you rate your own self-awareness? Do you ignore the truths that are continually available to you, living in a haze of self-deception? Or, do you process life being honest with yourself one moment at a time. Most of us fall somewhere in between. No matter where you are, greater levels of self-honesty provide sparks of light and awareness that can ignite amazing changes in your daily interactions, your relationships and your personal well-being.

Your assignment this week is to focus on one of the above inner systems. Use questions to grow more self-aware. For instance, “What is my typical emotional state?” Or “Where do my thoughts repeatedly take me?” Doing this has great benefits. It will draw you into the present and it will lead you to deep self-honesty. Self-honesty will lead you to awareness. Awareness offers you the opportunity to transform.

Food For Thought

“Just be honest with yourself. That opens the door.”

— Vernon Howard

Patricia G. Omoqui 2010,

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Patricia Omoqui is an internationally recognized inspirational speaker, life coach and writer. Patricia’s mission in life is to inspire people to move beyond fear so they can reach their full potential.

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