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First time out

By Yetunde Arebi
Hi, Remember that song “Tonight is the night” I think, by Gladys Knight. It’s one of those blissful oldies that takes one tumbling down memory lane, no matter how much we may want to pretend.

It talks about those secret three letter words that we all love secretly but try hard to deny openly. The lyrics of the song is actually about the first time a young lady did the “thing” with her lover. It talks about the anxiety, the pain and pleasures of the act. But instructively the song opens with a call for listeners to accompany the singer on the journey, though individually.

Have you ever tried to think back, capture the first time you had sex? What was it like? For different people, it is different strokes. That is why we tried to capture the experiences of readers in this article. Together with Onozure Dania, we asked respondents the following questions: When did you first have sex? Why did you do it? With whom and are you still with the person? What was your experience like, was it as you imagined? Given a second chance will you do the same thing?

Beginning with this edition, you get to read what our respondents have to say. You too may be a part of this wonderful journey down memory lane. Write to us and capture those moments with us, bearing these questions in mind. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: We are expecting to read from you. Cheers!

Jide, (40) Artiste, did it because he thought it was the natural thing to do:
I was a late comer to this business. I think I was 24 when I first had sex, and I remember that I was very scared despite my advanced years. I had with my girl friend at that time. Actually, I had a male friend with whom I was living at the time.

We were also working at the same place though he used to do the day shift while I did night shifts. So, I had the place to myself whenever I invited my girl friend around. Before then, whenever she came around, we used to talk, kiss, hug and just engaged in petting. I used to think of the day we will go all the way, but I was scared. Then, that particular day, I made up my mind that we must get down to business.

You know, the first time you do it, you don’t really know what you are doing. You are just trying to experiment, since you don’t know how it is done. It was done willingly, I can’t force any girl to have sex with me. I have never done it in my life.

I can’t really say it was out of curiosity because I think I can say that I was old and ripe enough, some of my age mates were already getting married at the time. But then, you hear people talk about it almost all the time. Guys bragging about how they have had sex with this lady or that one everywhere.

Even those who have not had it then will be bragging about it to you. And it is natural that you too will want to practice it, to see what it is really like. And then when you find out for the first time, you will enjoy it because as you said, it was an adventure.

I felt good about the whole thing, I felt ok. I felt like a complete man after the whole thing, though you will not say it to her like that. I am no longer with her.

I am sure she should be married now with kids. That was a long time ago. I think she was in school then or just out of school, she was about 18years then. When I left that place, we lost contact and I have not seen her again. Was she a virgin then?

No, she was not. I did not ask her who or why she had done it before my time with her. I didn’t think it was necessary, since she was matured enough. Naturally, I did not tell her it was my own first time. No guy will want to start telling a girl such things, she will not really think highly of you.

You don’t want to look stupid, so you just go there and do your thing. At that time, you are not concerned about if the girl enjoyed it or not, or how she feels. But guys feels good when ever they have sex any way, wether for the first time or umteenth time.

And as they progress, some learn to take improve on their act, take care of the interest of the ladies and all that. Other guys just continue the way they started, just doing it for their own pleasures. For most women, it is very hard to reach orgasm, so they just abandon the idea, not knowing that with practice, it becomes easier.

The first time is really just a quickie, you know, it don’t take that long. Maybe due to anxiety or the fear that the opportunity might be lost. So it is as time goes on that you get to understand what sex is all about, what a woman wants and how to achieve it.

If you are good and she cooperates very well, you can even come together. But that comes with practice and time. And that is why our young girls seem to prefer the older men. I am serious, really, they do. They like the older men because they know so many things that the younger ones are yet to discover.

My older sister and I are very close and she tells me these things. Well, you know I am a Christian and  my pastor wouldn’t like me talking about these sort of things. But seriously speaking, given a second chance, I think I would rather wait till my wedding day. It’s better, actually it’s the best thing to do, especially in the present prevailing circumstances. Too many things are at stake now. Besides, that is what the Bible says any way.

Yemi, (38), Banker, says it was an adventure for him:
The first time I had sex, I was in primary four, quite young. It was with my cousin, she was a very crazy girl and we were always doing crazy stuff together at the time.

So, I can say it was with her that I first learnt the pleasures of being with a woman. If you know how kids play the “mummy and daddy” stuff, you will have an idea of what I am talking about.

It was more of having erections and enjoying it, rather than having meaningful sexual intercourse. I was 11, then. So, I can say that I had my first experience at 11 years.

But afterwards, my dad’s secretary took an interest in me. Then I was in junior secondary school. She was quiet elderly, though younger to my parents naturally. I don’t know what she saw in me then, but she liked me.
So, she was the one who took me beyond the pleasures of just having erections or ordinary sex.


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