Diary of a Divorced City Girl

June 14, 2009

All you need to make your sex life happy

By Candida
WHILST the year is almost half way through, I thought readers should re-vamp their sex life (if in actual fact it needs revamping!) by following these experts’ top tips on how to keep the spark alive!

Lead separate lives: Try to think of your partner as independent from you – you’re not joined at the hips.

Imagine them at work, playing a sport or doing something well without you. See them as the vital and interesting individual they are when they’re not with you.

This is far sexier than the claustrophobic familiarity that can kill attraction when all you see is the socks left on the floor and your partner slumped on the sofa.

To add more spice, try going to a restaurant or a bar separately and play-act, chatting each other up.

You’ll relearn to find each other attractive and desirable this way – Carole Ann Rice, relationship coach.

Learn to read secret signals: If your relationship is full of hostility, you won’t have a good love life. Your anger is a barrier to enjoying sex. You have to resolve conflict – don’t bottle things up.

Ask him: “Can we talk about it?” Solve the problem, then you’ll be able to enjoy each other. Everyone has their favourite things in the bedroom – whether it’s having their ears nibbled or their feet tickled.

But they’re almost always too embarrassed to tell. So how do you discover your partner’s fantasies?

Look at what they’re doing to you! For example, someone who loves having their ears nibbled will nibble on their partner’s ears.

Pay attention to your man’s moves and you’ll get an idea of what he wants you to do to him.- Kate Taylor, relationship expert.

Don’t worry, be happy: These days, sex is just another lifestyle product and an other way for people to make money by selling us things we don’t want or need.

But you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations. A good sex life is one that makes you feel happy and comfortable, whether you’re doing it ten times a week or ten times a year, it’s quality not quantity that counts.

When you make love, focus on your partner’s pleasure, not on your own. The better you are as lovers, the more enjoyable they’ll get from sex and the more likely they open up and tell you what they require.

Do they want more foreplay? Are you picking the wrong time for sex? Suggest that you bathe together or give them a massage first. Ask for feedback during sex and give them time to become aroused – Tracy Cox, sex expert.

Hit the spot: Strip naked together and take it in turns to run your hands slowly over your partner’s body, loving it for every wrinkle, fold and flaw. As you do so, tell them what makes them sexy.

Remember a time when you had great sex and talk about it. Take five minutes a day to sit opposite your partner and silently hold hands while looking into each other’s eyes and think only of what you love about them.

Here is one for the man – learn to pleasure your partner properly! If you’re able to give a woman an orgasm, she’ll be putty in your hands. Make the effort to understand how her body works.

Think about subtle approaches and lead up to sex, don’t just steam in.
Increase the amount of foreplay: Find out where her pleasure spot is and what she likes to have done to it.

A woman’s body is like an iceberg nine-tenths of it is below the surface! – Phillip Hodson, Counsellor.

Be open and honest: You need to talk about what you like and don’t like, but sex can be a sensitive subject, so give lots of compliments.

If you start by telling your partner what you like and what he does well, that’s a good time to admit that you weren’t keen when your ex was too rough, say, or asked you to do things you weren’t comfortable with.

Get sex issues out in the open and tackle them before they become a problem. The brain is the biggest sexual organ, so excite the imagination with erotic reading that inspires you.

Talk about your fantasies and tell your partner what you’d like to do, even if you’re too tired to do it.

Imagine yourself as a strong woman you admire when you do this. Try ‘simmering’ during the day – leave him sexy notes or send him saucy texts or phone messages so he can’t wait to get home. – Joy Rosendale, Sex therapist

Happy foods… sad foods

Avocados, mangoes and bananas contain vitamin B6, which ward off depression. Oily fish such as tuna and salmon contain omega oils, which help the brain to function. Hazelnuts and walnuts also contain omega oils.

Chicken and turkey contain tryptophan, a chemical that helps you feel relaxed.

Pineapple contains bromaline, an enzyme that helps digestion and encourages good gut health.

It’s been known for centuries that some food can have aphrodisiac effect-oysters, chocolates and strawberries are all supposed to get you in the mood. But modern science says that it’s best to go for cheese.

Cheese contains phenylethylamine, the ‘love drug’ brain chemical that gives you that chocolate high.

So have a cheese platter after dinner and see if it gets you both in the mood! Too much caffeine from coffee or fizzy drinks can make you stressed and affect your sleep.

Alcohol may make you feel good for a few hours but it’s a depressant. Sugary snacks like chocolate will give you a high, but it won’t last for long.

Too much saturated and hydrogenated fat could affect your memory and brain health.

Fast and the furious? (3)

I EVEN wondered if sex was a letdown for my friends too but I didn’t have the nerve to ask. May son put all those doubts behind me as he mad a woman of me.

Now I know better. I still look after my figure, always neatly turned out with sexy knickers incase I run into another rough – rider!”

But why is it that fast and furious sex seldom results in a lasting relationship? “It has to do with eating the forbidden fruits,” Ini explained. “You don’t tear the clothes off a man you intended to have a relationship with or he might think you’re too hot to handle and ditch you.

You both have to see it as what it is -long lustful gulps at your favourite drink to quench your immediate thirst. It is not something you sip like an exotic cocktail meant to last the whole night maybe. That’s why it’s so satisfying.

It hits the spots love-making seldom hits!”