Dear Bunmi,

IN my student days abroad in the early 80s, life was tough and I did a lot of things to keep going as funds coming from home were virtually non-existent. I slept with a lot of men for money and was able to finish my studies.

I got married and had two children but the marriage didn’t last and I came back home. I have a good job because I’m well qualified. I have my own flat and a loving partner.

Recently, my partner, who is married, visited my flat with one of his good friends and you can imagine my shock and embarrassment when he turned out to be one of my ‘regular customers’ in my student days abroad.

He didn’t let on that he knew me and I was grateful to him for that. However, a few weeks after the visit, he came calling on his own and it was plain what he wanted. I told him I was now involved with my partner and he said he wasn’t looking for a permanent relationship and that he would keep his mouth shut.

Of course, it was blackmail and, I’m ashamed to say, I let him have sex with me. He left some money and went away.

I feel dirty and used and dread his coming back. I would hate for my partner to find out about my sordid past. What can I do to get rid of this shameless man?
Nonye, by e-mail.

Dear Nonye,
Your past should be well behind you and you have to call the bluff of this shameless man from your past. It is a pity that you gave in to his blackmailing tactics.

When and if he comes calling again, let him know you’re not having any of his crude overtures, and that if you had to, you could come clean with your partner. It would be nice if you had a tape recorder to record what would transpire between the two of you in case he denied anything.

I am sure if your man is any friend of this creep, he wouldn’t breathe a word about pestering you for sex to him.