By Dele Sobowale

“He who goes a-borrowing; Goes a-sorrowing..T. Tusser, 1524-1580.

I was warned by Tusser and by the Yoruba adage about borrowing clothes. But, what can a guy do when a call came “from above” that the VC (Emeritus) of UniJankara who had bested virtually the best economists in government, by being so accurate in his predictions, can no longer be allowed to have the picture of a “Palm Wine Tapper” at the top of his columns. “Go get a suit” said the voice “from above”. That was easier said than done. I had no suit to get.

I gave away my last suit eight years ago – together with the ties, shirts and shoes. I reached into a corner of the wardrobe and came up with a lot of dust and cobwebs under which was the only shirt left. Meanwhile, the Editor who was asked to put my transformation agenda into effect would not even allow me to go to the “Bend down” place to get a “Tokunbo” suit. So, I went a-borrowing. What else could I do?

For the suit, the only friend, call him Giraffe, who would lend me his own was a fellow so thin he would make a broomstick appear overfed and his arms were as long as windmills. No choice but to take the suit from Giraffe. The only shirt, not on anybody’s back, on which a tie can hang, was owned by “Hippo” – whose neck would make a Sumo wrestler appear under-nourished. It took five pins stuck to the collar and my neck, to make it “fit”. The tie should have been easy. I once gave my wife a lovely tie, Yves St Laurent, when I noticed how she struggled with her wrapper whenever she pounded yam. Fortunately, she was pounding yam again. But, I needed the tie. So, I took it. She was sore as hell. When I returned from the “Wait-and-Get studio” later she pointed to cold yam on the stove as my share. Well, I have only one pounded yam to sacrifice for my country.

So, I hope you will understand if the suit does not quite fit. There was another mild drama, on the way to the studio. None of my neighbours greeted me when going and I thought that was strange. Coming back very quickly, because Giraffe and Hippo were waiting for their apparels, one of them timidly approached me and quietly asked. “Are you related to Baba Dele Sobowale?” I replied with a question. “Why do you ask?” “Because you are not as ugly as he is in your suit.” That was truth as direct as can be. “Thank you, I will tell him to start wearing suits. May be he will look better.” Years ago, in a contest for the “Ugliest Guy on Campus”, I was the first runner up. The winner was a guy so ugly they had to get a zoologist to certify he was not an orangutan. So, I know my interviewer was telling the truth. The Palm Wine Tapper cap hides a multitude of defects; if “Voice from above” must know; like the skull shaped like the Zumo Rock; for instance.

I could not wait to get out of the outfit; it felt so strange. But, for whatever it is worth; I have unveiled own transformation agenda. And I don’t give damn whether you like it or not. Now I am ready to do more battle with officials dressed in their designer suits – starting with the nonsense called “Austerity Measures”.

REQUIEM FOR EKWUEME’S BABY – PDP (2)

“Every great enterprise starts off with enthusiasm for an exalted aim and ends up bogged down in petty politics.” Charles Peguy, 1873-1914. (VANGUARD BOOK OF QUOTATIONS p 49).

NOTE: Most of what follows is in my book PDP: CORRUPTION INCORPORATED.

Last week, the first part of this series designed to explain how the ruling party, the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, in Nigeria at the moment, got itself, and the rest of us, into the sorry situation in which we find ended by the reference to the Founding Fathers of the party – led by Dr Alex Ekwueme, the former Vice-President. The G-34, in addition to Ekwueme, included the following people: Alhaji Abubakar Rimi, Chief Bola Ige, Chief Ayo Adebanjo, Chief Sunday Awoliyi, Alhaji Sule Lamido, Chief Solomon Lar, Malam Adamu Ciroma, Dr Tunji Otegbeye, Professor Jerry Gana, Alhaji Balarabe Musa, Dr Chukwuemeka Ezeife, Dr Iyorcha Ayu, Alhaji Lawal Keita, Col. Abubakar Umar (rtd), Professor Ango Abdullahi, Alhaki Mohammed Arzika, Alhaji Suleiman Kumo, Alhaji Lawal Danbanzau, Malam Iro Dan Musa, Alhaji Farouk Abdulazeez, Alhaji Musa Yakubu, Mr Steve Achema, Chief Godwin Ume-Ezeoke, Chief Onyeabo Obi, Chief Francis Ellah, Chief Emeka Echeruo, Maj-Gen. Zamani Lekworth (rtd), Mr Basil Ukaegbu, Mr Isaac Sha’ahu, Malam Mahmud Waziri, Mr Dangana Nfayako, Dr Usman Bugake and Obong Victor Attah.

At least eighteen of those courageous men who confronted Abacha openly insisting on return to democratic rule are still alive today. They later gathered around them thousands of individuals to form a broad-based political party which would take care of all interests. Finally, they proceeded to write a party constitution which could have been a model for good governance even in Plato’s Republic.

I DON’T GIVE A DAMN – 2

I don’t give a damn if Mamangida has become the head of the household and goes off everywhere like a cow in a China shop; or if the Governors have my b-lls in the palm of their hands; or if Senators also want to push me around like a wheel barrow; or if Ministers spend public funds like drunkards (drunk with Sapele water naturally), or if the economy is going to blazes. Damn it! I just want to be re-elected.

REQUIEM FOR DR EKWUEME’S BABY – PDPD (3)

Unfortunately, the composition of the group and the principles enunciated could, at best, be regarded as a “salad bowl of illusions” (apologies George Santayana) prepared by too many cooks…

To begin with the original 34 included individuals who should not ordinarily walk together in the dark. The highly principled people, Ekwueme, Ige, Adebanjo, Balarabe Musa, Ango Abdullahi, for instance, went into bed with opportunists (AGIP, Any Government in Power) like Professor Gana. It was a disaster waiting to happen…

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