By Tola
Much has been said about the Nigerian resilience; our ability to adapt and make the best out of any given situation. Everywhere you turn you see evidence of Nigerians making ‘lemonade out of the lemons’ that life and our awkward socio-political situation continue to throw at us. Indeed, the average Nigerian is described as ‘industrious’ and hard working.

We are natural born hustlers. Now, whether the‘hustle’ is legit or otherwise is a totally different matter altogether.

Nothing captured this as succinctly as a story I came across a few days ago. According to the report hotel workers had discovered an untapped goldmine, and have developed it into a very brisk ‘on the side’ business. Are you aware that there is a very high demand for used condoms? Did you just spit out some of your coffee? You read right …used condoms. Ewww !!! What in the world would anyone want with used condoms right? Wrong.

According to the report, the staff of these hotels, especially those ones that rent by the hour(‘short time’) didn’t realise that they were sitting on a veritable gold mine. They had hitherto gone about their task of cleaning up after patrons till they were approached by certain people (ritualists, herbalists?) who were desirous of buying used condoms for their content. Fresh sperm, as in the ones harvested almost immediately the patrons step out of the room go for a whopping ten thousand naira while one day old semen goes for five thousand. Still think it’s a joke? Undercover investigations found that tissue paper used as swabs by the girls when still fresh can attract the princely sum of three thousand naira. If you just suspend your disbelief, disgust and fear for just a moment and look at the matter dispassionately, you will agree that even Fola Adeola or Mr Agbaje could not have come up with a better business plan.

Do the maths. The average patron can do maybe 2-3 rounds per session…. Over ambitious? Okay even if na only one (talk true sha, Nigerians can shaaaggg!! What? We surely didn’t get to a 150 million and counting by gazing at the moon!) multiplied by say what,ten on a bad day? That’s still a hundred thousand Naira … for zero investment beyond cleaning up after an hour or two of debauchery. That’s 700k a week, 2.8million a month. Okay let’s even cut that by half saying it was a really dismal month that’s still 1.7million Naira. Okay e bad, bad, a quarter of that; we’re talking 850k a month and that’s not counting the swabs and the 5k condoms oh! Selah.

The sheer amount of money underscores the efficacy of the ritual or whatever the sperm is being used for (and its definitely not for procreation in this instance) oh you still don’t believe in juju? Even the Bible tells you that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities. Selah.

And that’s where we are.
That is the kind of industry that our society unwittingly fosters. Factories and other industry have been run aground… if they were functioning and these boys and girls who find themselves in shitty dead end jobs with very little or no prospects for progress are absorbed and occupied, as opposed to this dog eat dog, every man for himself society that we live in; the thought, (much less the opportunity) to sell someone’s semen to ritualists for cash wouldn’t even cross their minds.

That’s not to say that villains and savages won’t exist… I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be so blatant and our main way of life.