By Iretiola Doyle

The man was sitting in his car at a major junction furiously fiddling with something. Obviously there was some sort of vehicular malfunction otherwise which right thinking person would intentionally hold up traffic on a major road long after the lights had turned green?

The traffic warden initially took no notice, the increasing din of  the car horns tooting impatiently behind the poor fellow drew his attention to which he languidly waved his hand in the universal sign that means ‘move it’. The car obviously in distress couldn’t, so finally he lumbers over and compounds the problem just like I knew he would.

“Oga see wetin you cause na!” pointing to the traffic that had built up behind his broken down vehicle.

The man promptly wound down his window to explain what the problem was to which the traffic warden spread out his arms helplessly and began to very dramatically whine… “See me see wahala o, which kind trouble be dis!” he was comical. Of course, the thought would never cross his mind to proffer a solution.Help him call a mechanic perhaps, clear a different pathway for the cars behind to pass or at the very least,help him  push it out of the way.

Last Saturday, I went to the Ikeja Shopping Mall, and was pleased to see that finally, they had opened up the front entrance.

Great I thought to myself and made a mental note; no need to take the long and convoluted back road that had been the only way into the mall prior to now. Then after like 10-15 minutes of waiting on a queue just to get in, some twit in a uniform and walkie-talkie decides that it should have been a single-lane queue after-all so therefore all you people on the outer most lane should either drive on and join the other long queue into the new entrance or go through a death struggle trying to merge into the ‘single-file’. Are you crazy??

Of course, it would never occur to him to proffer a solution. Perhaps walk to the top of the road where the queue divides into two and sometimes three lanes and respectfully inform commuters (people who are coming to spend money 0! imagine all that revenue in parking tariffs only!)that for whatever asinine reasons they’d come up with at the time it would be just a little more tedious to get into the mall, forget that it is a Sunday afternoon (peak period for that matter!)

The moron who held the walkie–talkie did not use it to call for back-up to stem the impending traffic mess, rather he wielded in front of him as if it were a staff of office which by the way did him little or no good made as the many commuters who simply maneuvered round ‘his royal stupidness’ and kept on their merry way.

Perhaps it’s the ‘eye of the needle syndrome’ we instinctively make things difficult. Someone said ‘Nigerian’s can complicate the boiling of an egg’. Worse still are those Government officials, especially those that interact directly with the man on the street.

Reminds me of the Native Police back in the day, the Akodas during the Colonial era, pompous an utterly stupid with whatever minuscule power they believe their occupation and costume confers on them. Silly is as silly does!