By Esther Onyegbula

Founder and Executive Director of The Gnosis Help Initiative, Barrister Olumide Kayode-Omosebi, has unveiled a new book, titled: “Just Before You Say I Do”. The book seeks to address the rising cases of failed marriages, divorce, and domestic violence in Nigeria, warning that religion, tribe and tradition have continued to fuel wrong marital choices.

Speaking at the launch, Kayode-Omosebi, who has over two decades of experience working with victims of domestic violence and child sexual abuse, said the book is a compilation of research and real-life cases spanning more than 20 years.

According to him, contrary to widespread beliefs, the success or failure of a marriage has little to do with religion or tribe, but everything to do with character.

“Our findings revealed that marriage is not about tribe or religion, but about character. Your religion or tribe does not add to the success or failure of your marriage. Character is the only ingredient that can determine the outcome of a marriage,” he said.

He explained that the book identifies seven character traits that often lead to marital breakdown, noting that couples who ignore red flags during courtship are likely to face repeated crises.

Kayode-Omosebi added: “You cannot marry your temptation. Many people go into marriage on the basis of prophecy, pressure, or love-at-first-sight without knowing the person’s character. A hot-tempered, malicious, stingy, or jobless partner is a danger to your future. These are not issues prayer can fix. Marriage is about knowing yourself and finding a partner who complements, not provokes, you.”

He warned that blind reliance on religious sentiments and cultural restrictions has worsened the state of marriages in Nigeria, citing statistics that show increasing cases of divorce and domestic abuse.

“By 2018, one in every four marriages ended in separation or divorce by the second anniversary. By 2020, one in every three women suffered domestic violence in the first year of marriage. Last year alone, Nigeria lost over 400 women and 40 men to domestic violence. These are needless deaths caused by wrong choices and wrong counsel,” he stressed.

In her review of the book, former Attorney-General and Commissioner for Justice in Ogun State, Mrs. Abimbola Akeredolu (SAN), described it as a practical guide that uses research and biblical analysis to expose the dangers of pride, laziness, jealousy, and other destructive traits in relationships.

“The book is a mirror that helps you examine yourself first before making marital choices. It shows clearly that religion is not character, and that love is not just emotion but a choice built on logic and self-awareness. If Christian marriages are failing, then it is not God but the individuals that are getting it wrong,” Akeredolu said.

The event also featured moving testimonies from survivors of domestic violence who credited The Gnosis Help Initiative with rescuing them from abusive marriages.

One of the survivors said: “I am standing tall today because of this foundation. For 10 years I lived in abuse, rejected and stripped of dignity. But with their intervention, I was able to break free and rebuild my life.”

Kayode-Omosebi urged parents, religious leaders, and the younger generation to embrace the lessons in the book, noting that it is designed to give the next generation “a fighting chance against failed marriages.”

Copies of the book are available directly from The Gnosis Help Initiative and can be delivered nationwide.