Tiola’s Take

Mommy… I forgot to tell you that someone slapped me in school yesterday…” Who? I queried; she told me. What did you do? “Nothing, I cried.” “Did you tell your teacher? I tried to tell my teacher but she wouldn’t listen to me; she told me to go and sit down…”

I went hot. I was angry for different reasons. I was livid at the boy who struck her, I was upset with her for not standing up for herself and I was certainly pissed off at the teacher who refused to listen.

I didn’t care that it was 7.30pm on a Saturday evening; I rang the teacher up wanting to know how my daughter managed to get assaulted on her watch and more importantly, why she refused to listen to the child who had come to her with a complaint not to talk of doing anything about it.

The woman made the mistake of saying something to the effect that I was blowing the situation out of proportion; to which I replied that she had no idea as to what dimensions I intended to take it, but that she would have a clear picture on the Monday when I’d arrive the school to make an official complaint. My intention was to make it LOUD.

My husband would have most likely handled it differently. But you see, I had no intention of letting him handle it. I just wasn’t having it. The reason we as parents can go out there and perform at our jobs is because we believe that within the ambit our influence and control, our families especially the children have been left in a relatively safe environment where they are mostly happy and have peace of mind.

Even if I was going to dismiss the incident as kids being kids, to which I personally don’t subscribe; what was the teacher’s excuse? Today, it’s a slap, tomorrow it’s something more serious, is that how you’ll brush it off? I guess she realised her goof or just didn’t think a Monday morning encounter with me in the School Directors Office was a wise thing.

She called me to apologise, admitted her negligence and asking to be allowed to deal with the matter herself. I graciously backed off but not before I told her in no uncertain terms why this type of thing shouldn’t happen again.

But that’s not the crux of the issue. My dilemma is how do I raise my children in this 21st century to be strong upright independent member s of society capable of standing up for themselves and dealing with situations without resorting to violence? I’ll be honest with you.

The first thing I said to my daughter was the next time someone slapped her; she should slap the person back twice. Yet even as I was saying it I knew it totally ran against the grain of everything I confess to believe in.

Funny enough all my females who heard the story told her the same thing when someone slaps you; slap them back twice! Followed by a; “don’t let anyone push you around!” it was only one daddy that said it was wrong, asking the all-important question – how do we set ourselves apart if we carry on like them, that we should always encourage our children to do the right thing at all times even when it’s’ tough or ‘unpopular ‘or inconvenient to do so.

Which brings me to another dilemma… how do you encourage your children, nay, anyone for that matter to continue to do the right thing when it never seems to achieves the desired effect?

For the truth is the world is a rough place and the biggest predator of man is man himself… how do I equip my children to deal with the realities and dangers of living in today’s world without turning them into the animals I am trying to protect them