By Donu Kogbara

Dr Elisabeth Kubler- Ross (1926-2004) was an eminent Swiss American psychiatrist who first introduced a theory titled: “The 5 Stages of Grief” in a 1969 book titled On Death And Dying.

The five distinct stages she highlighted were: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Kubler-Ross originally based this theory on her observations about the grieving processes that patients who were suffering from terminal illnesses went through.

Later, the theory was also extended to people who were feeling crushed by any devastating personal loss, whether it be loss of a loved one (bereavement, divorce even) or loss of a job or loss of parenthood hopes brought on by an infertility diagnosis; and so on.

I have endured several personal losses in my own life, the most traumatic by far being the death of my wonderful father and the most recent being the fact Bola Ahmed Tinubu, rather than Peter Obi, was declared the winner of the 2023 presidential election.

My distress peaked while Tinubu was being sworn in at Eagle Square on Monday; and I talked about experiencing the Five Stages of Grief when I appeared, the following day, on PRIME TIME, an Arise TV discussion programme that is hosted by Charles Aniagolu.

I mentioned the denial phase during which I didn’t want to believe that my candidate had (unfairly, in my opinion) been placed third. I mentioned the anger phase during which I was absolutely furious with the system and individuals I felt had robbed my candidate.

I didn’t say this on Prime Time, but during the bargaining phase, I often knelt down in prayer and desperately tried to do a deal with God, promising Him that I’d be more devout in future if He helped Obi’s lawyers find a way to prevent Tinubu from being sworn in.

I also mentioned the acute depression I had endured during my mourning process. Then Aniagolu asked me whether I had finally come to terms with Reality and reached the acceptance phase.

My answer was, in a nutshell (I paraphrase) “not really ”!

I must have struck a deep chord in the hearts of many Nigerians because I’ve received tons of messages from Prime Time viewers of all ages and ethnic groups who can totally empathise with the five stages of grief scenario I described.

I’d like to say a special thank you to a Twitter user whose handle is @Spotlight_Abby. Her reaction to my Prime Time comments was so sweet and is the nicest viewer or reader response I have ever received in my long career as a print and electronic journalist who has worked for Naija, British, European and Ameri- can media houses.

@Spotlight_Abby posted a photo of me on the show with the following plaintive words attached:

“Please whose mummy is this? Madame Donu Kogbara. If you know her, please give her a kiss for me. I’ve watched her twice and this evening, she cured my heartache just by saying it the way she feels it. Since evening of February 25 to 4.00 a.m of March l and tonight, it’s been crazy for me.”

How I feel is real. How @Spotlight_Abby feels is real. And millions of Nigerians are going through similar emotional roller coasters.

The Independent National Electoral Commission, INEC, has (understandably!) been accused of blatant bias. But even INEC is not pretending that President Tinubu is the fabulously popular choice of most Nigerians. He only, according to INEC, scored 37 per cent of the vote. I am still hoping that Obi’s election tribunal appeal succeeds. But Tinubu is our head of state for now. And it is difficult to be an effective president if most of your compatriots don’t think you deserve to occupy the throne. If I were in President Tinubu’s shoes, I would humbly bend over backwards to a) soothe the hurt feelings of fellow citizens who feel cheated and b) prove detractors who are convinced that I am an ailing crook wrong by delivering ethical and productive leadership.

A foreign perspective

David Pilling, the Africa Editor of the internationally respected UK Financial Times newspaper, which is avidly read by potential foreign investors, has this to say in an article he wrote about Tinubu yesterday. Excerpts:

‘NIGERIANS have long harboured a robust scepticism towards their leaders. Now they have gone one better. Many doubt that the man sworn in as president this week is their leader at all. In an open letter to US president Joe Biden, Chimamanda Adichie, the feted author, spoke for millions when she cast doubt on the result of February’s presidential election in which Bola Tinubu was declared winner.
Adichie castigated the Americans for endorsing the result. There is no proof that the election was stolen — or bought. But there are plenty of grounds to suspect a result that is being challenged in court by the defeated candidates.

Election day, far from being the clean, digitally assisted process promised, was an exercise in chaos. Many polling booths opened late, voter intimidation was rife and tallies were not uploaded, creating wriggle room for fraud. When a Financial Times reporter visited a polling station in Surulere, Lagos, armed men made off with the presidential ballot box.

In the end, Tinubu clinched victory with 8.8 million votes, a paltry result in a country of 220 million. Yet in an election in which many assume key officials were bought off, few expect the courts to annul the result. That means Tinubu, whether Nigeria’s most famous living novelist likes it or not, will be president for the next four years. Assuming he survives that long. Such is the suspicion about him that many even doubt his official age of 71.

Visibly ill, lacking a strong mandate and in charge of a country teetering on the edge, Tinubu appears to have little going for him. But after eight years of Muhammadu Buhari, under whose directionless presidency Nigeria got poorer and less secure, he actually has one ace up his sleeve. Expectations are so low it would take a concerted effort to underwhelm.

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