By Gbemi Sikuade

So what is the best way to say ‘I Love you? One thing’s for sure, it certainly isn’t cheap. Around the world we spent a total of… ….wait for it……. $30 billion on Valentine’s Day celebrations 2009! I kid you not, Google it.
With the sale of cards, chocolates, flowers, dinner plans and all the other valentine day shenanigans expected to exceed $35 billion dollars this year (I guess the recession is on a hiatus) it makes me wonder what my parents did when there wasn’t all this money flying about?
Thought to be one of the most internationally celebrated occasions, out shone only by Christmas and New Year’s Day of course, February 14th is without doubt one of the most symbolic days of a person’s life; sometimes it’s even more important than a birthday!

Traditionally documented as a day to express love and affection towards a dear one, the day of the lovers has been part of our history for centuries and as most traditions go, this being no different, the origin of Valentine is shrouded in mystery and myth. Historians have traced it back to the Roman celebration of fertility as far back as 463 AD, with the first ‘official representation’ of a Valentine to a love letter in1382. Clearly this wasn’t a very exciting story so a few more were added to the mix.

The Romantics decided to go with the tale of a priest, martyred for his disobedience after being forbidden to perform marriage ceremonies; the more religiously inclined believe it’s the legend of a saint executed for his refusal to denounce Christianity, while realists are simply of the opinion that it’s an economic conspiracy and another excuse for consumerism, and with statistics like that, can you really blame them? Regardless however, of what you might want to believe, we all agree that Valentine’s Day is about love…or is it?

‘To you my heart is given,
Oh, do give yours to me;
We’ll lock them up together,
And throw away the key’
(Nothing special you know, just an inspired, thought provoking, profession of love)

Declarations of undying love symbolic of an era when the four letter word was not retracted every other week, and even a general goodwill to all men, has given way to an arms race of elaborate competition, flamboyant display and materialist symbolism. Men and women around the world wake up in a cold sweat in the days leading up to February 14th, and no wonder; for most men it’s the pressure to compete, to demonstrate and live up to the aspirations of society and their valentines (trust me, it aint chips); last year you got her a custom made diamond tiara, but her best friend got a marching band singing her name, and now she’s convinced you don’t love her as much, oh what to do?! And he’s right to worry, because statistically 35% of women will dump their boyfriend if he failed to live up to Valentine’s Day…over, finished, full stop! All because you were expecting a candle light dinner and instead he took you to lunch; No wonder men are wary between December and March, they know it’s a trap; It’s a standing joke among my friends that in the weeks leading up to February 14, every man is an island… but there’ll be a bridge on the 16th!
When did love become so tactical???
For most women, it is the proverbial pat on the back for snagging (and keeping) that ‘special’ someone, we all know it’s no picnic, but for single ladies on the other hand, it’s another one of Life’s hard knocks. The taunting echo of laughter is, quite frankly, a reminder that you just might die alone and no one will come to your funeral because it’ll be Valentine’s Day and they’ll all have better things to do! Heaven forbid you have a friend who does have a Valentine? I dare say that voice only gets louder- after all, what makes them so special ehn? Well I’ll understand if you decide to shoot yourself and choose to take him or her with you.
but for single ladies on the other hand, it’s another one of Life’s hard knocks. The taunting echo of laughter is, quite frankly, a reminder that you just might die alone and no one will come to your funeral because it’ll be Valentine’s Day and they’ll all have better things to do! Heaven forbid you have a friend who does have a Valentine? I dare say that voice only gets louder- after all, what makes them so special ehn? Well I’ll understand if you decide to shoot yourself and choose to take him or her with you.
In all fairness though, there are those who are either ‘single by choice’ or opt for platonic or familial relationships over the romantic and they’re not losing weight in the form of tears…or at least that’s what they want you to think. Here’s the 411.
It’s hardly breaking news that parents today do not spend as much time with their kids as our parents did with us, and as a result, the strength of emotional relationships between parents and children grows weaker. This usually means that by as early as age 14, emotional gratification at home is very rarely sufficient as more children begin developing as social beings at an earlier age and because most of the socializing they receive is from outside the home (school, church, clubs, parties etc), so also is the gratification they value. And so in a nutshell what am I saying? Your love aint enough; yes, you might get a card from your mother or your father, but is that really enough? Remember though, I said ’emotional’ relationship; physically they’ll always be there to fob off you.
Remember though, I said ’emotional’ relationship; physically they’ll always be there to fob off you.
Now say you’re single by choice… Think you’re above the Valentine’s Day Blues? Ha! Here’s a little game I call ‘if you really don’t care…
If you really don’t care:
don’t go and treat yourself to a Spa day. don’t send yourself flowers- yes, it’s sad but true.
don’t gather all your other single friends together for ‘something’;
stay home; count your toes, re-arrange furniture, clean out your recycle bin, arrange your music alphabetically then by genre, and later in alphabetical genre; why? Because if you really don’t think Valentine’s Day is relevant, or your current anthem is ‘I’m happy on my own?’ you wouldn’t be so determined to make that day special or keep your mind occupied. You’d wake up and not care that half the town was dressed in red screaming ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ at you; you would go to work and not be disturbed by your empty desk even though the cubicle right next to yours looks like a greenhouse conspiring with a chocolate factory led by an army of teddy bears; your heart wouldn’t skip a beat when you hear ‘Excuse me I’m looking for…’, only for it to plummet when, of course it isn’t you; seriously though, is this honestly to be the evolution of valentine? A day synonymous for love now also referred to as Single Awareness Day (yes aka SAD), there should be no sadness on Valentine’s Day, and there would be no sadness if we did not all feel the need to ‘prove’ love.
What am I getting at with all this? Simple; we all need to take a step back and remember what Valentine’s Day is really about, because if the amount spent ‘showing love’ was relative to the duration of love in a relationship we shouldn’t have divorces and break ups in the high percentiles. We need to return to a time when to say ‘I Love you’ was impossible…because there were simply no words; a time when money did not compete as love, when men were eager to find their other half, a time when women looked to see in their eyes what they held in their hearts not out in their hands, and when children realized that in their parents was a bond that could never be duplicated. That was a time when love was not just a day it was a lifetime. That was Valentine’s Day.