By Josephine Agbonkhese

If there’s one thing women have significantly learned in the last one year, perhaps spurred by the #MeToo movement, it is ‘speaking out’. From Europe to America and even down to Africa, hundreds of women are brazenly speaking out about how they were violated sexually, emotionally, psychologically or otherwise.

To think that hitherto, these were issues either forever kept secret by victims or shared only with very close confidants and in hush tones, makes this feat deserving of accolades as it continues to shatter the so-called culture of silence amongst women folk globally.

Toeing this path, influential women from Nigeria, Zambia and the US, recently took turns to share their experiences of sexual and emotional abuse, struggle for survival and breakthrough, to a hall filled with women from all walks of life with others participating via live stream, at the  Women with Stories International maiden global conference tagged  The Women with Stories,  held in Lagos.

Wherever I went, someone was ready to abuse me sexually — Robyn Robbins

For Robyn Robbins, an American, now Founder of Heart of a D.I.V.A. Ministries and CEO of Robyn Robbins Enterprises, who narrated how she lost her mother at age six and her father to drug addiction, abuse became a routine part of her life so much that she assumed it was normal.

“We were seven children, and all had to stay with our extended families at one time or the other. So we went from house to house where we experienced all forms of abuse: emotional, sexual, physical and mental; it was hell.

Wherever I went, someone was ready to abuse me sexually or otherwise. When we newly got to a home and felt like we had found a place to live a normal life, then we discover that it was all false; our joy was taken from us because of the violation. For many years, I was like a sex slave”, she said.

According to her, even when she tried to open up to people whom she believed could be of assistance, no one believed her as everyone felt she was at fault.

“No one listened to my cry for help, no one saw my pain, so on a daily basis, I was subjected to sexual, physical, and emotional abuse”, she lamented.

“It got to a stage that I felt it was normal to be subjected to abuse, so, I began to abuse myself. I said to myself “I’m in charge now, I’m going to decide where and put a price to it; so you can’t take it from me.” I thought that was a form of control and freedom”, she said.

Robbins recalled how she later found herself in the Sex Doll Entertainment industry, adding, “That was how bad the abuse was. I was depressed and broken and was in a mental home three times.

Coming out of trauma for Robbins

“But I refused to give up because a voice kept telling me the only way out was to go back to school. It took years for me to fight mentally and get to a place of freedom. Eventually, I went back to school, went into catering and was also was working as a medical assistant. Yet, I couldn’t focus and had to drop out twice. I decided to try again and eventually had a 3.9 GPA in Nursing Assistant. So, I was working in the medical field and also went back for my Post Graduate.”

Coming out of the trauma for Robbins was not easy but sharing how, she said: “The first thing I did was to get rid of the trauma from my mind and to also relocate from that environment. There is power in freedom but we must be bold enough to come out of that situation to see the lesson that lies in the pain— because it’s there—and this will help in coming out of it”, she stated.

My excess weight caused me so much shame — Lepacious Bose

Also narrating how she suffered emotional trauma for being ‘over weight’, Nigerian comedienne and actress, Bose Ogunboye, aka Lepacious Bose, shared her weight loss journey with so much insight into the shame and pain only her knew until she decided to take charge of her life and fight.

According to her, while other relatives mocked her for being too fat, a particular nephew simply asked if she was okay with her weight as he was really worried about the way she breathed at night.

“He didn’t accuse me of being too fat like her other relatives did. On the contrary, he supported me and tried to take care of me. Such words and care changed my outlook; I decided to think it over and, finally, concluded that it was essential to take care of my health”, said Bose.

I was raped at age seven — Cecilia Agu

Cecilia Agu, Founder, Bedroom Matters, shared how she was raped at age seven, and later on in life, began struggling with intimacy in marriage. Now, after overcoming her personal struggles, Agu is helping other women enjoy intimacy in their marriages.

I was abused while serving 105 years jail term- Desiree Lee

Another survivor, Desiree Lee, an African-American Publishing Consultant/ Award-winning author, at age 17, already had a 3.8 GPA with two scholarships and was on her way to College in pursuit of the famous American dream.

But after graduating from Higher School, Lee found herself on the other side of the law. “I was accused of robbery with 11 count charge just two weeks after graduating from Higher School. At age 17, I was sentenced to 105 years imprisonment, I wished I had listened to my mother, but I did not. I ended up spending four years in prison where I encountered a lot of abuse.

“After coming out from prison, I encountered another traumatic experience as I got turned down everywhere I went to for being an ex-prisoner. ‘I’m so sorry we can’t give you admission to this College because of your background’,   ‘Sorry, no vacancy for you’, I was told. I felt like a total stranger, as if I should kill myself”, Lee, who  lamented that racism remains a serious issue to tackle in the US, said.

Though HIV positive, I’ve learned to live above stigmatization —Winnie Mabena

Zambian Winnie Mabena, Founder, The Knowledge Effect, who is living positively with HIV, narrated how she got infected with the virus and suffered stigmatization but refused to give up. Today, Mebena, through determination, has risen above stigmatization and suicidal thoughts and now inspires courage in others. She is currently in the forefront of educational advocacy in Zambia.

We struggled to create the life of our dream — Ara, Jumia boss, Tale Alimi

While Ara, Nigeria’s first female talking drummer, shared her journey to stardom with all the challenges, struggle and shame she had to deal with, Omolara Adagunodo, MD, Jumia Travel shared her personal journey and the determination to keep going strong throughout the process while Tale Alimi, CEO Tale Alimi Global, challenged women to rise above their circumstances to create the life of their dreams.

Eryca Freemantle, a transformational life coach who, through the experience of a near-fatal road traffic accident that left her with facial scars and total hair loss, was inspired to create her own solutions to the problems women of different skin tones experience, also gave a blow-by-blow account of her experiences.

Speaking on the importance of sharing life stories,  Naomi Osemedua, the Founder/Chief Storyteller, Women with Stories International,  said: “When women and girls share their stories of personal triumph, they often find that telling their story is in itself an act of self-empowerment. And then others are inspired and changed by reading  real  stories of overcoming struggles with fear, lapses of confidence, or cultural norms. Sharing stories of personal triumph has the potential to give hope, to inspire, and to help change lives.

“Beyond encouraging and supporting storytelling as a tool for empowerment, we strive  to increase awareness of initiatives that advance the safety, health, education and empowerment of women and girls globally.

We believe that every woman can change their narrative through storytelling. The Women with Stories Global Conference is therefore targeted at helping them identify limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs stopping them from living their best lives while drawing inspiration and lessons from influential women around the world.”