Gender violence remains a pervasive issue, deeply embedded in the fabric of our society. Despite ongoing efforts to raise awareness and reduce preventable tragedies, cultural stigma, fear of the unknown, and the justification of staying in unhealthy relationships for the sake of children continue to undermine progress. In this interview with Woman’s Own, experts in gender issues provide valuable insights into the complexities of this problem and emphasize the importance of making timely decisions to create safer, healthier homes for all.

By Funmi Ajumobi

Gender violence does not need to culminate in death — Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi, Executive Secretary, Lagos State Domestic & Sexual Violence Agency

Many women remain silent in abusive relationships, often believing they have no viable options. I can also say women may indeed be speaking out, but they often do so to individuals who lack the resources or authority to help them. People remain in abusive relationships for various reasons. Survivors are concern about the welfare of their children, often expressing a desire to prevent them from experiencing a broken home. Some also fearsocietal backlash if they take steps to escape an abusive environment.”

The truth is that these survivors do not know the impact of domestic violence on children. Children who grow up in toxic environments without access to psychosocial support or counseling are at risk of perpetuating the cycle of abuse. They grow up believing that violence is normal, which can lead to further incidents of domestic violence in their adult relationships.

To combat this intergenerational cycle, the Lagos State government prioritize therapeutic interventions for survivors. We work closely with clinical psychologists to help survivors process their trauma and understand that what they experienced is not normal. This approach aims to break the cycle of violence and prevent future generations from becoming perpetrators.

The misuse of religious texts to justify staying in abusive situations is another issue. When people quote scriptures suggesting that God hates divorce, we must ask: does God condone injustice? Is it divine will for a woman’s destiny to be curtailed?” Though many Faith Based organisations have established systems for addressing domestic violence and they now refer cases that cannot be managed within their congregations, they should still continue to play a proactive role in reshaping mindsets and advocating against gender-based violence.

Further, the importance of collaboration between community leaders and support agencies is very important. Every incident of domestic violence carries the potential for fatal outcomes. Community leaders and traditional rulers must continue mediate these situations. 

Survivors often grapple with the fear of the unknown, particularly regarding potential legal repercussions for their partners, they should also know that reporting incidents does not automatically lead to jail time for their partners. There are various pathways available for survivors seeking justice which include alternative dispute resolution mechanisms, family courts, and social welfare services. Gender violence does not need to culminate in death. It’s vital for survivors to take proactive steps-whether by reaching out to NGOs or faith-based organizations equipped to help.

The most important thing is to take a step. When survivors reach out, they can access resources and support that may not align with their initial expectations but can lead to safer outcomes. By breaking the silence and seeking help, women can begin to reclaim their lives and protect future generations from the cycle of violence.

Domestic violence is a public health crisis — Bukola Idowu, Founding executive director of the Kimpact Development Initiative (KDI) 

We need to stop thinking of domestic violence as a “women’s issue” or a “private matter.”” It’s a public health crisis.

When we talk about violence, people often think of wars, bullets, or chaos on the streets. But some of the deadliest forms of violence don’t make noise. They don’t bleed out in public. They happen quietly behind closed doors, within walls meant to offer love, safety, and protection.

It kills not just with fists or sharp words, but with silence, shame, and complicity. It creeps into homes dressed as love, dressed as discipline, tradition, or even care. And far too often, it is allowed to thrive because we are too polite to name it, too afraid to confront it, or too conditioned to normalize it.

As someone who works on issues and projects of gender and domestic violence, I’ve sat with survivors who are rich and poor, educated and uneducated, married and single, rural and urban. And what strikes me every time is this: abuse doesn’t care where you live or how much you earn.

In wealthy homes, the violence is often cloaked in silence and hidden behind manicured lawns and designer curtains. A woman may be emotionally blackmailed, financially controlled, or raped in marriage, but she’s told, “Just endure and think of the kids, think of your status.” Her bruises may not be visible, but they are there on her self-worth, her voice, or her very soul.

In poorer homes, the violence may be more visible like a swollen eye, a broken arm, but just as ignored. There, survival comes first. Women stay because leaving might mean choosing between abuse and homelessness. Between silence and starvation. “He only hits me when he’s angry,” they say, as though love and violence can coexist. As though their pain must come with a justification.

And yet, domestic violence is one of the most common, most tolerated, and least punished crimes in the world.

In Nigeria, for instance, 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual abuse by someone they loved or trusted. But this is just what’s reported. So many stories will never make it into statistics because victims don’t always have the language, the support, or the freedom to speak.

Even more worrying is how society responds, sometimes even families. We hush victims. We advise endurance. We say, “Don’t break your home,” instead of saying, “Don’t break her.”

THE CHANGE WE NEED 

We need to stop thinking of domestic violence as a “women’s issue” or a “private matter.” It’s a public health crisis. It breaks more than bones honestly, it breaks people’s futures, kills their dreams, and passes on pain from one generation to the next, intensifying traumas for even children that might end up hurting people around them eventually.

It’s time we face the truth:

If your home is not safe, nowhere else can be. We must build systems that listen, protect, and act across all classes. We must create spaces where victims can speak without fear, where justice doesn’t depend on wealth or who you know, and where abuse is never excused, romanticized, or spiritualized.

Because domestic violence doesn’t just happen in the dark. It happens in daylight, while we look away. And we can’t afford to look away anymore.

The law is clear on the protection in place — Eliana Ngosoo Martins, Country Vice/National President of the International Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA) Nigeria

The law distinctly defines various forms of violence-be it sexual, physical, emotional, financial, or psychological-ensuring that individuals understand the protections available to them. I know there are many people experiencing frustration in this harsh economy, but such feelings do not justify violence. People don’t know how to communicate effectively in their frustrations. People should seek healthier ways to express their challenges within domestic settings.

At FIDA, we engage the public to promote constructive behavior and educate them about the consequences of negative actions as outlined by the law. We collaborate with various stakeholders, including men, faith-based institutions, and traditional leaders, to foster a collective effort in combating GBV. There is the need to break the culture of silence surrounding these issues and survivors should speak out violence. Though there are challenges in prosecuting GBV cases due to the need for evidence, which is often destroyed or concealed, particularly when the perpetrator is a family member, the legal system is still functioning and the no one should doubt its efficacy. We are in a process…there is a beginning, a waiting period, and a concluding period. I think we are on a good path.

Society is talking from two sides of its mouth. While many express skepticism about reporting incidents due to fears of inaction, they simultaneously accept compromises instead of seeking justice for victims. Collective responsibility is crucial in holding perpetrators accountable.

Despite existing laws and ongoing sensitization efforts, the society must actively collaborates with law enforcement agency for meaningful change. We should work with the law to ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice. There should be systematic checks to prevent abusers from evading consequences.

In light of recent tragedies, such as the killing of a woman who was positively impacting her community and advancing her career, it is so sad…to see such a gem suddenly pass because of issues in the house. Our society must unite to eradicate violence and ensure safety for all.

The sudden death in suspicious circumstances have raised critical questions about the underlying societal issues at play. Various narratives are emerging-jealousy, envy, lack of control, and property disputes-all of which point to deeper gender issues. These incidents reflect the stereotypes that society imposes on both women and men, dictating their roles and behaviors.

The societal packaging of gender roles can lead to toxic dynamics, particularly when women strive to break free from traditional expectations. When a woman crosses over to pursue her career or assert her independence, it is often perceived as insufficient. Sadly, many men continue to uphold these stereotypes, which can result in harmful reactions to women’s empowerment.

While acknowledging the institution of marriage, it is important to choose a partner who respects and supports one’s career aspirations. You can’t say people should not get married, but it is essential for partners to understand and align with each other’s goals to foster a healthy relationship. Women should remain vigilant about red flags in relationships. People do change, but when the red flags show and you are not comfortable with them, take proactive steps to protect yourself. Recognizing these signs early can be crucial in preventing potential violence or abuse.

Violence is always a no no! It is imperative for society to collectively reject violence in all its forms and to support individuals in making informed choices about their relationships and personal safety.

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