By Yetunde Arebi

Hi, what do you do when you have a child who you know is heading for destruction? A father shares his heart-wrenching experience about his son’s escapades and the disgrace and trauma it has brought to his family.

Banji, an Engineer narrates:
In a way, I blame myself for what is happening. Dele is the last of three children by my late wife and I think I might have indulged him a little too much. He was very headstrong growing up. My new wife always had something negative to say about him, even though his elder siblings loved to shield him. I often dismissed most of the reports, asking that they should be more patient and loving towards him as the death of his mother at a tender age must have affected him.

I really can’t state precisely when he started raping but I think I first heard it from my wife. She told me that Dele had narrated an intriguing story to her about how he had been invited by one of his friends to take part in a sex orgy after school hours. She said Dele had narrated it with pride because to him, he had become a big boy of sorts.

She said she suspected it was rape because it was just one girl between them all, but that Dele had insisted that the girl was the girlfriend of one of them and had actually challenged them that she can do them all round and not feel anything. My wife said she had explained the danger of his actions to him and warned him not to take part in such a thing again. He was just 13 years old then.

She advised me not to raise it with him as she did not want to destroy the new relationship that was budding between them.

However, one night, our peace was interrupted by loud banging of the gate and ringing of the bell simultaneously. It was a couple accompanied by two policemen. Immediately, they started cursing at us, calling us useless parents of vagabond children. Somehow, I knew what had happened. Dele and his friends had done it again, but obviously with the wrong girl this time. As my son was not home yet, my wife and I went to see the girl at a nearby hospital.

She narrated how it happened to us, affirming that Dele was in fact, the person who invited her to the venue of the incident, being a neighbour and well known to her. I found it difficult to believe the stupidity of the whole act. We promised to hand him over to the police whenever he returned home. He was just over 14 years old then.

We spent almost N1 million that night. First to settle the Police, then the girl’s hospital bill and N500,000 to appease the parents. Dele was made to identify the other boys but their parents couldn’t do much, being petty traders and very low income people. The matter was resolved with a promise that such would not repeat itself. But the promise did not hold, as I learned a few months later that he did another one right in his room under my roof. The girl was one of his friend’s girlfriends. Her parents did not show up and the incident was forgotten.

It has now become a regular game for him. He brings home his friends and these girls when he is supposed to be in school. I only get to hear of the stories when it becomes a serious problem. I’ve constantly warned the other children not to allow him to bring home his evil ‘friends’ but they say they can’t stop him as he would beat them up. My wife says she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him since his activities do not disturb her or her children. You might be wondering what happened to the friendship she was cultivating with Dele. It ended the day he punched her son in the face and his nose bled.

How it started…

Looking back, I think that the problem started a long time before now. I remember an incident that occurred when he was about 9 years old. He was still in Primary School. I had returned home one evening, to learn that my son had urinated in my nephew’s mouth. The poor boy, though about two years older, had narrated between tears how Dele had tied and beaten him. He said Dele had then taken off his pants, forced his mouth open and urinated in it, while calling him all sorts of abusive names.

I was shocked. It was like something out of a movie. Dele had explained that it wasn’t a deliberate act, as they were reenacting a scene from a movie they’d watched where a group of guys had assaulted and killed two women. Dele said that my nephew had willingly agreed to act the part of the assaulted women, and he, the assailant. But my nephew denied that they were acting. Then, I had found the incident a bit funny, though I had beaten him so he would know the gravity of his actions. Now I think perhaps, I did not do enough.

I don’t know of any hospital that can treat his case. He is not mad, but I know he has a problem. I am praying that he will soon grow out of it as people keep assuring, but the question is when. I’m afraid anything can happen to one of his victims.

What if he kills someone? I have threatened him, cajoled him, made promises to him to no avail. I just have to go on protecting and praying for him to change because that is my duty as a father.

Hmmm! Do have a wonderful weekend!

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