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Dear Bunmi,

I will be 50 this year. Seven months ago, I fell for a man I’ve known socially for sometime. He says he’s committed to me but doesn’t want to get married again, after his first marriage failed. Yet, I can’t live with him without getting married, as my religion doesn’t allow it.

We make love regularly, but I feel ashamed about this and don’t want my friends and family to know. I love this man and want to feel proud of our relationship, not guilty, but I can’t stop sleeping with him, for fear of losing him.

Ngozi, by e-mail.

Dear Ngozi,

I have a feeling that you might be having sex with this man only because you’re scared of loosing him. Whether you are 15 or 50, it’s never a good reason! Little wonder you prefer to be secretive about the relationship. Most people feel uncomfortable talking about their sex lives with their families.

Give it a year or so and, if you’re still going strong, then perhaps, you’ll be able to accept the situation and be more open with others.

Until then, make most use of the relationship – even if you have to be discreet!