By Funmi Ajumobi

HIDDEN beneath a blanket of silence are millions of people all over the world, writhing in pains of abusive relationships. This, according to reports, is not limited to physical violence, but also sexual and emotional violence. 

In 2015, Nigeria enacted the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, VAPP to protect people against various forms of violence. As of March 2021, it has been domesticated in 22 states except Adamawa, Bayelsa, Borno, Gombe, Imo, Kano, Katsina, Kebbi, Kogi, Niger, Ondo, Rivers, Sokoto, Taraba and Zamfara. VAPP Act seeks to eliminate cultural beliefs that initiate and sustain the prevalence of domestic violence in Nigeria. 

A United Nations report declared Sexual and GenderBased Violence, SGBV as a ‘shadow pandemic’ that requires urgent, comprehensive and effective actions by duty bearers to curb the menace. 

Recognising the urgent need to curb this shadow pandemic, President Muhammadu Buhari, in June 2020, in his Democracy Day speech, said government was determined to go beyond just legislation in fixing the problem of GBV, but rather, interrogate the deeply dysfunctional cultures, systemic flaws in institutions and the perverse social norms which enable sexual and gender-based violence. 

Sadly, whereas Nigeria has so many laws on ground, enforcement in achieving the goal of social engineering for sustainable development, is still left to be seen just as women and girls continue to lack the means of economic sustainability, education, political inclusion and access to basic health, low life expectancy, dignity of their human person, discrimination in employment and many more. 

Within the space of two weeks, three incidents of violence against women happened and have continued to generate reactions from government, civil society, the police and social media. On April 1, 2022, Scotland returnee, Chinyere Ogudoro, and her brother, Ifeanyi, were allegedly roasted to death by her husband, Benjamin Ogudoro, in Abule Ado area of Lagos State. 

Two days later, April 3, 2022, precisely, an eight-month-old baby died when his father, 50- year-old Pastor Isaac Akinbola, allegedly ordered his alleged concubine to beat up his wife, Dasola Akinbola, in Ogun State. 

On April 8, 2022, a popular Nigerian gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, according to reports, died of domestic violence. She was said to be on life support after a fight with her husband.

The question is, at what point should a woman say enough is enough in an abusive relationship? Pastor Mary Kristilere, wife of the senior pastor, Shepherd Hill Baptist Church, Lagos, believes that when a woman’s life is in danger, she has the responsibility to get out of that dangerous environment. 

“God didn’t reward Matthais who died as a result of domestic violence. God is not going to give you a special seat in heaven because of that,” she said. “The moment a woman discovers that her life is in danger, the first thing to do is to run for her life and, subsequently, begin to ruminate about it whether the man can change or not. 

“Step out of that situation and every other thing can follow afterwards. “The challenge is that many women get their priorities wrong. If a woman is bothered about what the society will say, she will live her life for the society. “In the case of Osinachi, where is the society now after the death? To me, life comes first and every other thing follows. 

“It is not about the society, it is first of all about the woman’s life, about her future, about her destiny. Stay alive first before you start thinking about career or any other thing. “Even in cases where it can be proved that she did something wrong or it was because of bad character or sharp mouth that she was abused, no man has the right to abuse a woman whether physically or psychologically. 

On her part, Efe Anaughe, President, Warien Rose Foundation, said everyone has different capacity of endurance, saying when it comes to domestic abuse, one of the rules in social work system is that you cannot make decisions for people but you can give them options. 

Her words: “You can tell them they do not have to remain in abusive marriage and if they choose to walk away, they are also given options.” But, according to her, NGOs doing the work do not have the financial muscle to set up a home where these people can immediately run to where they can get succour and counsel. 

“Many women in this situation, are forced to either go back to their families or decide to hang out with friends,” she stressed. Anaughe added that the religious part of it is a big issue as well as the cultural aspect where mothers will also encourage their daughters to stay in abusive marriages, telling them no man is perfect and they should endure like they did to avoid what the village people will say. 

“The major abuse is economic and financial abuse whereby the perpetrators do not allow the victims to work so they don’t become economically or financially independent. “So when there is violence against the woman, she will think twice because she doesn’t have anything to fall back on and doesn’t know where to start. That is what makes a lot of women stay put in abusive marriages. 

“Government needs to create an enabling environment, socially, religiously, culturally, economically and financially, especially for the civil society who are trying but they are constrained financially. “Many women have gotten judgment but implementing it is a different ball game. “In Nigeria, we do not have a database, we do not have such laws and policies in place and the ones we have in place are not enforceable.

“Nigeria is a patriarchal society where men have a feeling of superiority over their wives. “They make women believe they are second class citizens. It is the same story everywhere. As it is happening in Mushin, it’s happening in Banana Island and Lekki Phase 1, Ikoyi, Victoria Island. Women are treated like second class citizens.” 

On her part, Elizabeth Bernard-Fowho, a member of the Coalition of Lagos Women 2030, who also oversees the Transformational and Development Centre, shared her perspectives, advising people to move out of abusive relationships as it is not about the Bible. 

“Even Jesus Christ made reference that Moses had to allow divorce in certain circumstances. “The Bible does not agree to divorce but it doesn’t mean that when your life is threatened, you should remain there. 

“There is room for separation and both of them will go back to have a reflection on what is happening and if it is possible to come back, then you do. Women will always say it’s because of children and they will refuse to yield to counsel.” 

Citing her case as a victim of domestic violence, she said her mother left the abusive marriage and her father rejected her in court as a toddler. “Today, I am standing but my elder brother he took died in his hand. If my mummy did not leave my late father, I don’t know if she would have lived to old age before she died. 

She left and took me with her and took care of me. “If these women had listened to right counsel and moved away, we would not be saying what we are saying now. “There is no church that will say because you left your marriage, they won’t regard you as minister of God. What will they gain from your death?” However, Titilola VivourAdeniyi, the Executive Secretary of the Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency, who spoke on the issue, opined that every domestic violence is a potential murder case. 

“In essence, violence does not stop unless it is checked. “Speaking out does not necessarily mean the end of the marriage. “Speaking out can mean separation, it can mean being referred to psychologists to help and address their abnormality. People should speak up and speak out.”