By Bunmi Sofola

According to Andy, a relationship counsellor, these five steps come in handy when you want to save a troubled marriage:

*When you’re in a hole, stop digging.   Under pressure, we tend to try the same failed strategy again and again.   Even though we know pushing for an answer; getting angry or going silent doesn’t work, we imagine doing it one more time (but bigger, louder or far longer) will change things.   It won’t.

*Stop playing tit-for-tat.   He does something horrible and you match him.   Soon it is become a race to the bottom.

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 *Just for a second, put your feelings to one side and step in your partner’s shoes.

 How does your relationship look now and what would you like to do differently.

*Make a full apology. This is different from saying sorry.   First acknowledge any behaviour that you regret; next, identify how this might have made him feel, and then apologise. Please don’t explain why you acted as you did – that’s for another day – because it can sound like an excuse and lessen the power of your apology.

*Be the big one.If you love your husband – and if not, why are you spending hours talking about him to your girl-friends – do you love him enough to give without any expectation (in the short term) of getting anything back.

Vanguard News Nigeria