Valentine day

The women say the men have failed everyone. Bello was not listening when I heard this. And that is why they have fenced off all male intruders.

By Emeka Obasi

Give it to women, they came into the world with so much power that many men in power are just tools used efficiently to achieve the heart desires of their wives and mistresses. I am about to reveal this top-secret about the big party loading at the Villa on Valentine Day.

I got a call from Kogi State governor, Yahaya Bello, GYB, the man with the latest swag in town. At the end of it, Mr. Governor apologized saying it was a mistake, that he did not know how his fingers pressed the wrong number. However, I got a full gist.

Some very powerful Nigerian women are planning to surprise President Muhammadu Buhari tomorrow, Sunday February 14, 2021 with a Valentine bash. Honestly, I think Mr. President deserves this party. The wahala in the country is too much.

The only man these women let into their secret is the Poster Boy in Kogi because according to them, Bello is one member of the opposite sex they can trust at the moment. The governor sure knows how to honour women.

The Kogi State governor is the only one with a female Aide de Camp (ADC). The police officer, Ifeoma Iwanger Akaya, is also a lawyer. The Secretary to the State Government,  Folashade Ayoade- Arike, is female. Another feminine touch is Head of Service, Deborah Ogunmola.

Bello’s Media Adviser, Petra Onyegbule, as well as Vice-Chairmen of all the 21 Local Government Councils in Kogi are women. The governor went ahead to put finishing touches to the Valentine Plan. It is like Women Affairs minister, Paulen Tallen, is deeply involved.

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After the event planners confided in the governor that they had reached out to about four governors, two ministers and one former minister to sponsor the party, Bello asked them to read out the names.

Governors Kayode Fayemi, Bello Matawalle, AbdulRahman  AbdulRazaq and Nasir El- Rufai could have sent their widow’s mite. Foreign Affairs minister, Geoffrey Onyeama, Minister of State for Health, Adeleke Mamora and former Minister of Agriculture and President of the Africa Development Bank, Akinwunmi Adesina made it too. All of them were born in February.

Bello then drew up a list of women that will manage the Valentine Party. The Committee, headed by former Deputy Governor of Lagos State, Sarah Sosan, is loaded. Senators Betty Apiafi and Akon Eyakenyi are also there. All these women were born in February.

Eyakenyi, a minister during the Goodluck Jonathan years will serve as Secretary of the Committee because she also has the distinction of winning a senatorial seat on February 25, 2019, a day after her birthday.

The women have resolved not to allow any other man into Aso Villa tomorrow. I have also received messages from anonymous sources that on no account should Information Minister Lai Mohammed be informed because they do not need a press briefing yet.

These Valentine Coup plotters mean business. They got in touch with Dr. Ngozi Okonjo- Iweala who has a date on February 15, concerning her World Trade Organisation application. She will be watching on her phone from the United States.

I have an idea what the party will look like. Buhari needs to unwind. The women say the men have failed everyone. Bello was not listening when I heard this. And that is why they have fenced off all male intruders. Deputy Superintendent of Police, Akaya, is coming along with a squadron of Mobile Policewomen to mount tight security.

President Buhari is human too. He needs to be shown some love. Everytime, he is innundated with stories of Shekau and head hunting, Nnamdi Kanu’s tales from Sudan and now, Sunday Igboho and his Ibarapa otapiapia.

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Trust our women. They have made arrangements for Yemi Alade and Tiwa Savage to perform for our president. Funke Akindele will bring Jenifa. I understand Patience Ozokwor was in Minna to discuss with Dr. Babangida Aliyu on the possibility of bringing those Fulani maidens that animated PDP rallies with their waist dance.

Someone just whispered to me that Joan Okorodudu and her House of Isis have delivered Mr. President’s red Valentine T-shirt with the inscription: ‘ Omnia Vincint Amor’ ( Love Conquers All). Joan, the first Nigerian female 400 metres Hurdles Champion will be glad to hear that Buhari was a Marathon champion as an Army cadet.

Under such a relaxed atmosphere, the women will tell Mr. President that the price of garri has gone up again and again. They will beg him to stop fuel price hike. They will let him know that children cannot feed three times daily and their parents have lost their jobs.

It was because of Salome and her mother, Herodias that Herod Antipas beheaded John the Baptist. Esther caused King Xerxes to spare Mordecai and hang Haman. The leaders were in party mode. So our women know what to tell our President at the Aso Villa Valentine ball.

The biggest surprise will be the arrival of First Lady Aisha. Her birthday is just four days away, February 17. I am sure all the katakata in the country made it difficult for Oga and Madam to enjoy Val’s Day. President Buhari is someone’s Valentine. Let’s give them a chance.

I hope Alhaji Lai will not lie me down in court. This is not fake news. Don’t mind me. I took just one bottle of burukutu and found myself in Lokoja. I saw governor Yahaya Bello dressed in Ishiagu (Tiger Head) Igbo attire and he told me he was driving to Aso Villa. Then I woke up. I was dreaming all along.

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