Dear Bunmi,

I’ve just met a fantastic boyfriend, who is a good lover. The problem is that twice now, I’ve had a wee during sex.

I’ve also noticed that this only happens whenever we have sex in the missionary position.

As you can imagine, it is really embarrassing. My man hasn’t noticed yet though I’m sure it’ll be a matter of time before he notices.

Susie, by e-mail.

Dear Susie,

Don’t be embarrassed and don’t panic! What is probably happening is that having sex in the missionary position is pressing on your bladder, forcing you to let go.

The answer is simple— don’t have sex in that position. Tell your man it stimulates you in the wrong way (which is perfectly true, although not in the way he might think!) and you’d prefer other positions.

When you’ve been going out for long, and are more relaxed with him, you can admit the truth if you like.

For now, just avoid the problem.

ALSO READ: My friend is part of Nigeria’s problems

My son wants me to get on with my life!

Dear Bunmi,

I lost my husband suddenly last year, when he had a heart attack and since then, I’d been so lonely.

We did most things together as most people in my situation would want to be around family.

Our daughter lives abroad, leaving only our son, who lives fairly close to me with his family.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with him— or tried to, at least. He was good to start with, but now he’s hinting, not too subtly, that I need to get out more.

Why is he behaving like this? I am 54.

Abigail, by e-mail.

Dear Abigail,

It looks as if your son feels it’s not good for you to be so clingy after a year of mourning the loss of your husband.

It’s certainly great to have a family around, but sticking only with people you know limits you to a very drab life.

I agree with your son— at your age you need to move on with your life. It’s time to find new friends and interests.

What about your old friends— surely they would give their support too? I’m sure your husband wouldn’t want you to mope for long— so be brave and make a fresh start.

She was a two-faced friend

Dear Bunmi,

Some months back, I told my friend that I heard a particular company I was interested in had a vacancy and I intended to apply. She seemed really interested in the details and I thought she was just being nice.

I applied for the job and didn’t even get short-listed. When I saw my friend again, I told her how the interview went. It was then she told me she also applied for the job too— and got it!

I was so shocked that I let her know what I thought of her in no uncertain terms. But she told me she’d done nothing wrong.

But I think she’s behaved outrageously. What do you think?

Kate, by e-mail.

Dear Kate,

What your friend did is a betrayal of trust. Whether or not she had a right to apply for the job, if she’d been totally innocent, she would have told you what she was doing.

The fact that she kept quiet about it means she knew she was wrong.

Her getting the job now looks as if you weren’t good enough.

I wouldn’t trust this friend of yours in future. The only way forward is to end the friendship. Only, don’t start to mistrust every potential friend.

Most people would either have steered clear or been open with you about what they were doing. So keep on trusting. It isn’t worth losing your human nature over one friend’s bad behaviour.



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