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Dear Bunmi, must I have a boyfriend?

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Dear Bunmi,

In my 26 years on this earth, I have only had a casual relationship with a man I met at the university, but we were not intimate.

I don’t really fancy the idea of having a boyfriend, but my family and friends are at my back to have one and are always matchmaking.

I have a good career and I don’t mind being single. Is this normal?

Nkechi, by e-mail.

Dear Nkechi,

It doesn’t matter if your views are normal or not, they are yours. So, stick to them.

You don’t need to get irritated with your family and friends. They match-make because they are concerned about you.

In the meantime, take another look at your views on relationships. I bet that deep down, you must have a bit of anxiety about it all. Maybe you worry you would have to compromise too much.

Or is it because you have seen a lot of relationships turn bad and want none of it?

You are right not to want to settle for an unhappy life, but you can choose a partner who respects your space and have a relationship that works for you.

A lot of women, who were once in your shoes, have eventually settled with partners they are now happy with.

Just keep an open mind.

ALSO READ:She expected more expensive gift!

He’s generous with me, but not with his family

Dear Bunmi,

Early last year, a close friend sent me, with a note, to her uncle when I needed help in my business.

Since then, we’ve become lovers and he’s an extremely generous man. He now spends most of his spare time with me in a flat I recently bought.

The chunk of the money came from him, that is in spite of two holidays we’ve had abroad.

I’ve recently learned that he gives his wife and four children next to nothing. He made me believe she was a vindictive witch, but I’ve learned this is not so.

Quite the opposite really, as most family members on both sides get along well with her.

I feel bad about what’s happening to her and her children, though I love spending his money!

Patience, by e-mail.

Dear Patience,

The likelihood is that this money-bag of yours will eventually treat you as he’s treating his wife and children.

You’re a decent person, obviously, or you wouldn’t be having a guilty conscience because you’re spending money you know should go to feed his family.

Let him know how you feel about his irresponsible attitude and if he refuses to change, you need to show him the door.

You might have his money now, but when he eventually kicks you in the teeth, you would be the one moaning!

She was very nasty when I complimented her figure

Dear Bunmi,

I finally met the object of my desire at a party a few weeks ago. After admiring her from afar for so long, it was a dream come true to be chatting with her.

We got on so well that we even talked about getting together soon.

I complimented her on her cuddly figure and she flew off the handle. She called me all sorts of names to the amusement of some of the guests.

I tried to clarify my comments by explaining to her that I meant she looked healthy. But with a look of disgust, she left. I was so embarrassed.

She had a really full figure, what you would ‘call apple’ shape — narrow waist, shapely hips and legs. I guess she had interpreted ‘cuddly’ as meaning big or overweight.

I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this, she said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary.

I mean, how touchy can you get?

Douglas, by e-mail.

Dear Douglas,

I’m sure this woman in particular has a chip on her shoulder about her weight.

Being told you have a ‘cuddly’ figure and look ‘healthy’ are hardly insults deserving a rude ticking off. It was an over-the-top, outrageous response to well-meant compliments and you’re well rid of her!

In this day and age where all sorts of beauty pageants parade females referred to as ‘no front’, ‘no back’ as winners, telling a girl she has a cuddly figure is risky statement.

If you‘re ever tempted to give another girl a compliment (and I wouldn’t blame you if you’d never do after that reaction!), why not opt for saying something like this: “I hope you don’t mind me saying it, but you’ve got a gorgeous figure.”

She can interpret that to mean whatever she likes!


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