February 2, 2020

Making the most of your twilight years


What makes some older women so randy they want to have a man at all costs? Years back, a well-heeled society woman had to call her seventy-year-old mother to order when she found out that all the money she had been sending to the randy woman was used towards servicing her (the mother’s) sexual appetite.

She didn’t stop at that, she hunted down her mother’s known lovers and warned them off her: “What in heaven’s name would a man in his forties want with a woman old enough to be his mother?” pity, this concerned daughter never bothered to ask if her mother got her money’s worth!

A while back, I stumbled on this foreign news that I found amusing. According to it, a randy granny took on twenty-three male residents of a nursing home as sex partners before authorities caught up to her hobby.

The seventy-five-year-old woman obtained copies of keys to rooms in the men’s wing of Gwynn Pensioner’s Heaven, and treated herself mightily to the favours of one virile inmate after an other.

Oddly, she was exposed by her favourite lover, a 68-year-old man in the home only because both his legs were cut off above the knee in a train accident. He complained of exhaustion because the woman kept interrupting his sleep!

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Over a decade back, Joan Collins, then 68 years who was former star of Dynasty, the Stud and The Bitch got married to Percy Gibson, a lowly 36-year-old theatrical manager from Peru. According to Cynthia, who was married to Percy for ten years and from whom he was recently divorced, “I was completely shocked and bewildered when he first phoned me of his impending marriage.

When he first told me he was involved with Joan, I thought he was being melodramatic. Maybe, they had gone on a date but I assumed that eventually either he’d see sense or she’d get tired of him.

I was embarrassed, ashamed and humiliated that he was associating with a woman like Joan who, to me, represents the worst of commercial American culture. It is so hard to understand how Percy can enjoy being with someone who is the polar opposite of me.
“If he had shown up with a beautiful, intelligent, charming and talented woman of his age or younger or even older within a reasonable range, it would have hurt but I would have done my damnest to be happy for him.

But this just have a sense of unreality. And what happens to Percy if Joan loses interest in him? Or if she dies? He’ll look up in 15 years when he’s 51 and say, My God! I’ve had no life except taking care of an elderly mother and an elderly wife. And I’m known around the globe as a gold-digging toy-boy.”

Is this the reaction of a woman scorned? According to her, her ex “likes fine things. He likes good wine and nice meals and nice clothes. One of the things that attracted him to Joan is the glitz of her lifestyle.

Now she’s hit the ail on the head. She had a registry affair over 20 years ago with Percy, with only a handful of guests present. The marriage took place in London where the Queen’s piper played and the reception, boasting of an impressive who-is-who in Tinstle-town was a Claridges.

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As expensive as all that would sound, Joan, used her clout to get OK, a celebration journal to sponsor the wedding for a rumoured 300,000 pounds.

These days that some marriages last only a few months, Percy would have had his moment of glory! And good old Joan was ecstatic about her new find. She said the first time he wrapped her in his arm, the physical attraction was like being struck by a thunderbolt (at her age!).

She also told friends that he is like a tiger in bed and that her sex life is the best it’s been in years. Cynthia is not buying any of that however. “He doesn’t have any secret love tricks”, she fumes. “He is ok but nothing special. He’s what I would call a patient lover who puts other people before himself. But for me, it was never combustible”.

Still on these randy grannies, Joanna Trollope, a 58-year-old renowned novelist once hit the tabloids with her sexcapades. Some readers cheered, and a lot booed. A furious fan observed: “Does Joanna Trollope want to live up to her surname? The way she’s behaving, it looks like she does. Who wants to think about a 58-year-old woman putting it about like one of those trashy sluts on Sex And The City?”

When you’re over 50, there’s precious little time to be picky about the men you take to bed. Make the most of the ones on offer and relish the opportunity to revamp your sex-; life all over again.

Vanguard News