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Sex is a Nigga’s game

Sex

By Chioma Gabriel

There is definitely something about the v-corner in a woman’s body and something wrong with the male anatomy that makes a man lose control when his penis is erect and why his sense takes leave of his body that it won’t matter to him if the nearest female is two months old baby, one year old girl or twelve-year-old.

Nowadays, children are giving birth to children and those who didn’t know their right from their left are being made mothers.

It was a long time ago in my village that a twelve year old boy living with my aunty impregnated her 13-year –old daughter and everybody shouted abomination and the mother of the girl insisted that the child must be born despite the scandal. You know how villages are and then after sometime, the scandal died down but the case has not ceased to be a reference point. Every woman who wants to warn her daughter to be careful uses the case as a reference point. And so, in our society, families with daughters think twice before hiring a male house-help to prevent ‘alarm’ from happening.

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But things are even worse than that. In my marital journey before it crumbled like a cookey, I had lived in a shelter belonging to battered women.  While I was a victim of domestic violence, I met others whose cases were worse. In the shelter, I met a lot of women who are victims of the society: daughters violated by their fathers; house-helps put in the family way by husbands of women who engaged them and victims of all manner of evil in the society.

There was this woman whose husband was so mad that he was bringing his girlfriends into the house and using their matrimonial bed to sleep with his girlfriends and when he felt horny and his girlfriends were not around, he uses bottle to penetrate his wife and the mother of his four children. So, the woman had to run far away from the man, all the way from Togo to Nigeria. She was able to retrieve three out of her four children from the man and brought them to Nigeria.

The child she left behind was a girl and every night she would cry over her. Initially, I didn’t understand her worry because I thought her husband would at least be nice to their daughter but no. Apart from everything the man had done to his wife, he also violated the daughters. Her six-year-old daughter then, Seth and the younger daughter had all been sexually violated by their father and this Togolese woman worried that the man would be making a feast of the female child she left behind. I told her the man was a mental case.

But God was on her side, from the shelter in Nigeria, she got a Canadian Visa and ran farther away to Canada with her daughters from where she used her colleagues from her home country to retrieve her remaining daughter from her husband. She said she was a broadcaster.

I taught I had seen it all. Some of the women in the shelter ‘Sophia’s Place’ thought my curiosity was too much but I had to explain my career to them and the fact that I was driven by instinct to try to understand their predicament. I explained the situation that brought me to the shelter and some of them later accepted I was not a mole and shared their stories.

You see, when the late Sele Eradiri of NTA and Project Alert went on a rescue mission somewhere in Dolphin Estate in Ikoyi, I was there in the shelter and had waited and monitored eagerly as the woman and her daughters landed in the shelter. What happened? The woman was locked away and denied access to the outside world. Her husband violated her and violated her daughters aged 6, 4 and 2. Her husband’s friend had carnal knowledge of their six-year old daughter and her husband didn’t want anybody to hear about it because it would ruin his political career and to stop his wife, he made her a prisoner in their house but the woman was in for a greater shock.  Being a ‘prisoner’ in her house, she paid more attention to her daughters and while bathing them and preparing them for school, she noticed gaping holes in their vaginas and when she asked, the girls innocently told her that daddy always dipped his fingers into their ‘pots’. And that was apart from the one violated by the husband’s friend.

The woman would not have it and she challenged her husband who restricted her more to a certain part of the house. She was not allowed to leave her room. She would hear her children speaking with the gateman who now the one was taking the children to school. She would hear strangers were coming in to cook for the children.

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Then, one day, she hit her door when a stranger came to cook and she narrated her story from a closed door.  The stranger who didn’t know what was going on in the house was touched by her situation and took a message to Project Alert and NTA. These now involved the police and that was house the woman and her daughters were rescued. The police broke down her door and rescued her while Newsline filmed the entire process.  The problem had a post-traumatic effect on the woman and the children. The only boy amongst her children later died. Her husband who is a lawyer reported to the police that his wife and children had been kidnapped. Project Alert and the wife were invited by the police and the woman took along the children who were excited when they saw their father and went to hug him. It turned out the man brought the whole kinsmen to the station to intimidate his wife and take the children from her but she told the police that would be over her dead body.

And it feels good to know that there are still godly police officers. The most senior officer in the station began to interrogate the man over his wife’s allegations concerning his daughters and he denied everything. Then the daughters who watched the exchange suddenly chorused, ‘daddy, you can lie’ and the whole people gathered were shocked. The girls told the DCP that their father was dipping fingers into their private parts and the eldest daughter confessed that her father’s friend penetrated her with his manhood. The DCP tongue lashed the man before all gathered in the station and told him pointblank that he would not take the children and if he liked, he could go to court. The man wept like a baby.

Later, their story was run on Newsline on NTA and we all huddled up in the shelter, watching the bizarre rescue mission. And what else did this man do? He seized his wife’s US Visa and her Nursing certificates. He never wanted her to work and so the woman could not travel out or get herself a means of livelihood. When I was later opportune to speak with this man on phone, he said he loves his wife and children and would love to have them back home. I didn’t understand him.

The society is sick. Men are consistently violating girls. So a 12-year-old girl serially raped by a pastor, a herbalist and a neighbour had put to bed. A school teacher would bag sixty years for violating a female pupil under his care. Nowadays, it’s sex for admission, sex for promotion, sex for marks, sex for employment, and sex for positions in a Church.  A pastor administering deliverance on a girl child ends up violating her.

It has now gotten to the next level. Men are raping chickens to death, raping goats and other animals. Men are having sex with men. Men are having sex with their mothers and blood sisters and their fathers’ wives. What is really going on and who did this to men?

I am not castigating anyone. I mean well with this write-up. Many adults continue to deny that male rape and molest children, explaining in part why rape of children and married women is still a silent problem. A study shows that the numbers of children less than 11 years old who are raped is increasing quickly and they are mostly girls. Men tend to rape women whom they know, who are often female family members. Men in all classes violate women with whom they work. Rarely do women place themselves in danger. Marital rape is no uncommon, but is often ignored. Society tends to blame the victim, even when she is a child. Same-sex rape does occur. Catholic priests would win Oscars for that.

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Soldiers, especially during war, believe that women have no value. Men from both sides always consider women to be the enemy. Instead of being captured and shot, women are raped and desecrated as human beings. Often soldiers have no identity outside of their military uniform, and that identity is limited to taking orders, so they assume power over unarmed, defenseless women.

Who did this to our society? The society should rise up to the occasion and promulgate laws that would protect women and children and ensure strict punishment is meted out. Women need protection.

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