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Failed marriages: When you couldn’t fix the hand writing on the wall!

By Bunmi Sofola

Edith and Seyi wee introduced by mutual friends about 15 years ago. Within two years, they were married. And within the next seven years, Edith had given birth to four children – three boys and a girl.

“My weight shot up with the birth of our children and my husband didn’t like that, explained Edith.  “As my weight increased, Seyi constantly made nasty remarks about my being fat.”

“Then one day, he told me that our eldest son said he would prefer that his dad came to him in school because his mates were always laughing at my weight problem.  I was shocked!  It was one thing to endure jabs from Seyi, but for him to have entertained criticism of me by the children was the last straw.

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His remarks were so hurtful that it made me sit back and think about our marriage. As for my son, I had a talk with him and threatened that if I heard anything like what he said about me to his dad ever again, I would really discipline him.  He protested he didn’t mean things the way it looked. But what happened was really a wake-up call. Because of his job in broadcasting, Seyi had to be a showman all the time – well grounded and self-centred.  I thought I knew him, but I didn’t.

“During our time together as husband and wife, my self-esteem was destroyed by his endless put-downs and philandering. In the end, I became very resentful of the person he’d become.  I looked back and wondered why I tolerated the insults and put-downs for so long. I had a good job and had just started out on my out-door catering business and was doing fantastically well especially with our vegetarian meals line. At one stage, I was earning more than twice his salary in profits.  I started making conscious efforts to eat right and the weight started falling off. I also joined a gym and was amazed a year later when I could actually wear a size 18 dress instead of the tent ones I was always wearing. By the time I rediscovered myself, Seyi had changed jobs a couple of times and wasn’t really happy with the one he had.  Instead of encouraging my effort, he was sneering that I was looking for my lost youth.

“In the end, I simply walked out of the marriage. I moved in with my parents until I found decent accommodation. At first, Seyi fought me with the children but when he had to pay th4e first batch of school fees, he stated sending them to me. The eldest,who is now in a boarding school stays with him and I look after the  other three.  In a few months, I will be 40. In spite of everything that I went through in my marriage, I don;t feel I’ve wasted my life with Seyi because we have four smashing kids and they are worth all the difficult times I endured. If I didn’t have them, I’d regret every minute we spent together. And again, but for them I wouldn’t have hung around that long”.

Rachael was already a single mother when she met Akeem. “Akeem was an insurance agent who came to the bank I worked with to sell life policies”, recalled Rachael.  “He had a smashing car and lived in a house he inherited from his father.  He was constantly asking me out.  I like him. As a salesman, he was chatty and friendly, but he wasn’t really my type. Whenever he visited my flat, he was always bringing expensive presents for my daughter who was three at the time. Because he was so nice, I started gong out with him and although I really didn’t love him, we became lovers. His love-making didn’t do much for me, but friends said I might not be lucky to find a man who would take me on because of my daughter.  My mistake was that I listened to such nonsense and when I discovered I was pregnant, that sort of sealed my fate.

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“There was I, a single mum with no prospects of marriage, and there was Akeem, over the moon that he was going to be a father. I was flattered by his offer of marriage and we did our Nikai straight away. It’s often said that it is possible to learn to love someone over time as long as the friendship is there with just a tiny hint of sexual chemistry. Sadly, in my marriage, this wasn’t the case.  Our marriage lasted nearly nine years but it wasn’t easy.

Our three children kept me sane. I found it hard to show Akeem affection because I didn’t love him. Sex was a chore but I knew that pat of being a wife involved sex, so I was prepared to do it. Once in a while, I wondered if I hadn’t met Akeem, whether I would have fallen in love with someone else as if I’d wasted nine of my life trying to love a man I had never had strong feelings for. When I discovered he had plans to take a second wife, it made me want his less. It was obvious I wasn’t showing him enough love and he wanted someone who could. He was a nice man – the problem was with me. I didn’t want to make love to a nice man, I wanted a relationship that included love.

“After his second marriage, Akeem left me alone and it was a relief. He now lives in his second home but spends time with us when he can. All I want now is a nice, quiet life with my children. I wish that I’d had the sense to go with my gut instincts and wait for a loving relationship.  I would have saved myself a lot of grief and heartache and I might be a happier person now.  Maybe I would have met a man who was right for me and I could have had a happy family. The only good thing to come out of my marriage to Akeem are my children”.

A man and his chicken (Humour)

A man was in trouble with his wife. Whenever she asked him to buy the groceries, he would always  stop for a drink on the way home and turn up several hours late – with only half the groceries and those wilted and soggy. Well, this one night she was really angry about his forgetting the frying chicken she had sent him for. She yelled at him and told him she wanted a fresh frying chicken.  “Ok, ok”, he said, and decided he’d go to a poultry farm and pick out a live one.

On the way home from the farm, he passed a cinema and noticed that the film on show was one he wanted to see.  But when he went to buy a ticket, the girl at the booth said, “No way, fella not with a chicken under your arm”.  He turned to go home and saw from a sign that this was the film’s last night. What was he to do?  He went around the corner, stuffed the chicken down the front of his pants, went back and bought a ticket, and then sat down next to two old ladies.

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Everything went find until it began to get warm in the cinema, and the chicken started moving around. He unzipped his fly a little so that the chicken could stick its head out. The little old lady next to him elbowed here friend.  “Mildred, Mildred, this man next to me has his thing out!”.

“So what?  If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all!”  “No one like this, Mildred!  It’s eating my popcorn!”

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