As you’ve often pointed out in your ever enlightening column,” a reader writes, “a big percentage of marriages in this country fail. Even those that do survive, like mine, are mere skeletons when compared to complete fulfilment. My husband of 14 years sometimes acts like a weed choking a desirable, flowering and imaginative relationship.
“In the last few weeks, you’ve written about older women who have younger men. I never used to be interested in write-ups like that but now that I’m involved with a younger man, thanks to my husband’s indifference to my feelings, things are different. I just didn’t give up on our sex life. I tried dialogue, tried initiating sex and even hinted he should seek medical help. But he just didn’t care. His lovemaking wasn’t exactly something to rave about, and now he’s just happy to settle in a rut.
“I’m in my late thirties, and my joy-boy is in his mid-twenties. He’s in no way a boy of course. He is more responsible, compassionate and sincere than any man I know. And he’s never asked me for money. Instead, he’d piled me with little inexpensive gifts and is always treating me to meals he knows I enjoy. This is the reason I care for him.
“When it comes to love-making, he is fantastic. I might have more experience than him, but that is only because I have lived more years. His exciting approach to making love is very refreshing. Most men of my age are already set in their sexual routines. They believe they have perfected the art of love and need no further instruction. But with my lover, things are not set in a rut. I am allowed to explore avenues which, by some standards, are still considered taboo for a married woman. It’s a very exciting feeling to know that you can reach out and be yourself.
“The first time we made love, I was terribly nervous because I wanted everything to be perfect. He seemed to take charge of the situation, and things just fell into place. We did not do any wild experimenting that first night, but love-making was terrific. He made love to me three times, and it seemed like he could go on forever. What some might think he lacks in experience, he more than makes up for in endurance. What more could a woman ask for?
“I have no idea where this relationship will go, and how long it will last. But I know to know this: Every woman, at least once in her life, should experience making love with a much younger man. It will give her a perspective she’ll never forget as long as she lives!”
What this column really emphasizes is making the most of the relationship you have by putting in more efforts in other to make your relationship with your partner better. Dr. Patricia Love in her book: Hot Monogamy, observes that: “When couples are asked to assess their satisfaction with their partner, and then sent away to keep a chart and note down over the next seven days anything their partner does that is pleasing, something strange happens. When asked again, seven out of 10 couples are like to rate their satisfaction as higher than they did the week before. In short, it takes effort to notice when people are being nice to us. Switch on your radar and extend the beam to family and workmates.”
Most importantly, she advises you: “sit down with your partner and describe your perfect love-making conditions. If you prefer, write them down. Cover details such as, Where? What’s happening just before? Who initiates? Spell it all out-up to, and including the mood between you and your partner afterwards. Then compare ideas. The information will help you find ways of developing your sex life and hopefully, move you on to the stage of exploring what can be achieved in the real world.”