Women today are used to getting what they want. They believe that having it all is their right, not a privilege. “Women no longer think merely being married to their work is in any way satisfactory. Life without a child is seen as a failure”. An older friend, Dolapo made this observation when we discussed desperate measures some professional women take to get pregnant. It’s not that they can’t. By the time they chase a profession, make the right connection and have the financial success they crave, most of the eligible men are taken. The ones that aren’t are not exactly enamoured by the prospect of the patter of tiny feet either because they’ve had enough kids – or are just having a fling.
Ibukun was in her mid-thirties when she met Pete – just over 40. “Pete was married with two children under 10”, Ibukun said, “and he wasn’t exactly unknown when I ran into him at a friend’\s place. We both went to the same university but we weren’t such good friends. In fact, it was Pee who singled me out of the group of friends I was with and we reminisced over old times. I remembered him to be a bit of a nerd when we were students – but he’s morphed into this dishy, sophisticated man who had his thriving legal firm. We exchanged phone numbers, got to know each other better over time and started an affair.
To him, I was a challenge. He’d obviously lusted after me in our student days but he wasn’t my type, so I ignored him. Now it seemed a bit of a triumph for him the way we were sleeping together.
“By this time, I was really getting broody, I wanted a child very badly. Now I was in my mid-30s, I decided if I didn’t get pregnant soon then it might never happen. In spite of the fact that Pete made I clear he didn’t want children from different women, I still wanted to hang on to him long enough to get pregnant. I thought that if we eventually split up, I might not get a replacement boyfriend in time to use my rapidly dwindling egg supply! He was a very cautious lover, unfortunately. He refused to rely on the fact I was on the pill and insisted we use a condom for every moment of our intimate contact. `It’s not that I don’t trust you’, he lied. `But here are loads of women out there claiming to want a career, but underneath wanting to start a family. I called his bluff and told him there was no way I would want a baby with him, given he hadn’t been married for too long. Yet the truth was, I had hatched a plan even you will find shocking.
“Because he wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I decided to steal it from him. I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night as he slept over from time to time. I thought it was my right for giving him full rein of my home and body. The `theft’ itself was very easy to carry out. One night, after sex, I took the used condom, and in the privacy of the bathroom, used the special syringe my doctor gave me to artificially inseminate myself. I don’t understand why more men aren’t wise to this risk of used up condoms – maybe sex scrambles their brain! So you had better warn your male readers wishing to avoid any chance of unwanted fatherhood – if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest they find out exactly what she’s up to – with that used condom she was supposed to be disposing.
“As it turned out, my three attempts so far to get pregnant by Pete failed, but I’m still hopeful – all nights for the thief and just one for the owner of the property! Of course, not every woman in my position would resort to extreme measures. But I believe that any man who has a serious relationship with a woman in her mid 30s or early 40s should take it as a fact that she will want to use him to procreate, b fair means or foul, no mater how much she protests otherwise”.
And when is a woman most likely to become a sperm snatcher? “If her career is not panning out exactly as she thought it would”, Dolapo said. “If she is 35 or over and childless. If she worries the man might walk out on her. I believe these are the women who are most likely to be panicked into making the decision to get pregnant in whatever way they can. This doesn’t mean they’ll be a particularly good mum, but because the relationship would not have been a complete waste of time, with nothing to show for it but bad memories”.