By Dele Sobowale

The immigration officials who thought they were polishing Ogapatapata’s apple by harassing the Chairman of DAAR Communications at the airport got more than they bargained for when he charged that “Buhari is a parasite”. The last thing they could have imagined when they seized Dokpesi’s passport “on orders from above” was the “dirty slap” he aimed at the Head of Government – their big OGA. After his passport was returned, Dokpesi did not bother to take a whack at the head of Immigrations; he went for the President.

Buhari

In the process, he reminded all Nigerians that the Commander In Chief of the Armed Forces had never created any job in his life; while he, Dokpesi, has been paying thousands of workers for years. He also reminded us that all his life, Buhari has been feeding from the public purse. It will be difficult to fault his facts. One might wonder if he should not have considered Buhari’s office in his outburst over the unnecessary delay at the airport by overzealous Immigration officials. Buhari will never thank them for inviting that insult directed at him.

However, from the looks of things, it would appear that there are more parasites than one in the Federal Executive Council, FEC. Indeed, while it used to be “Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves”, Nigeria might have given the world a new story for generations of young people to read – “Buhari Baba and the 40 Parasite Ministers”. As we all know, he appointed about 40 of them. In all fairness to the President, he was reluctant to appoint them in 2015. When asked why he had not selected his cabinet he told us plainly that:

“The Ministers are there to make a lot of noise; for the politicians to make a lot of noise…People from different constituencies want to see their people directly in government, and see what they can get out of it.”

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President Muhammadu Buhari. October 2015.

Despite that pointed insult before their appointment, people one thought had self-respect and “alternative addresses” (meaning other means of livelihood) still queued up for the jobs. I was livid with rage. In any decent democracy, Ministers are important people making positive contributions to their nations. Some Ministers even become better known in history than the Head of State they served. But, as Buhari’s first term in office draws to its dreary close, I must admit that Buhari was mostly right. He had appointed mainly noise makers.

In fact, the President had not gone far enough. He had appointed parasites as Ministers. Just in case you think I am overstating the case, please be reminded that a parasite is defined as “a person who receives support or advantage from another or others without giving any useful or proper returns.” (Webster’s Dictionary). The reader is invited to apply that definition to any Minister appointed by Buhari and point to one who does not substantially fit that definition. Just one please!!! Since you might not know where to start, perhaps looking at a few important Ministries will help. So, here we go.

The Ministry of Health is headed by somebody nicknamed IFA. The Professor of Medicine and ex-VC of Nigeria’s premier university, University of Ibadan, hopefully, will depart in May. Can anybody think of any “useful or proper returns” for which this man will be remembered? Late Professor Olikoye Ransome Kuti took less time to make his mark as Minister of Health under Babangida. What has IFA done to deserve all the support and advantage he received as Minister? Good riddance when he goes.

“No incentive to increase power generation, say Gencos” – a national newspaper, March 28, 2019, p 28.

“Power generation hits 3,485MW, PHCN apologises” –  a national newspaper, November 2, 2011, p 19.

The newspaper story of this year went on to inform Nigerians that “Total power generation which plunged to 2,935.5MW last Wednesday [March 20, 2019] rose to 4,305.5MW on Monday [March 25, 2019]” In case you are missing the point, permit me to explain it. Almost eight years after Nigeria reached 3,485MW and three years after the current Minister of Power took over, we plunged below the level we attained then. What then was the benefit of having another “noise maker” as Minister of Power if all we do is to remain at 2011 levels? Have we not thrown all our support and advantage given to the Minister down the sewer?

Incidentally, the same Minister is responsible for Housing. He addressed an audience two weeks ago and questioned the assertion that Nigeria has 17 million housing deficit. That was in order. But, a more conscientious Minister of Housing should have in three years undertaken his own study and should have reported to us what the deficit is and how his government intends to reduce it. After delivering his lecture, “full of sound and fury signifying nothing”, our Honourable Minister departed leaving us no wiser than when he came.

One day, the Lagos-Ibadan expressway will be finished. It took General Gowon and Alhaji Femi Okunnu, CFR, Federal Commissioner for Works, less than half the time to finish a new road in the 1970s than it had taken Yar’Adua, Jonathan and Buhari’s Ministers just to rebuild it. Several parasites have warmed the seat.

“Nigeria still can’t feed itself.” President Buhari, in a national newspaper, March 31, 2019.

Thank God, the elections are over and President Buhari no longer needs to weave the tissue of lies his Ministers feed him into his campaign narratives. Like wisdom received on the “eighth” day of the week, our national leader has now been forced to confess what those of us who are not card-carrying members of any political party already knew years ago. Until recently, his Minister of Agriculture sent out for gullible public consumption the falsehood that Nigeria was approaching eighty per cent self-sufficiency in rice production until rice imported into Republic of Benin started choking our neighbours’ port. Then the Minister announced that more rice was arriving in that country than China imports. The irony of Benin Republic, population less than 10 million, importing more rice than China, population 1.2 billion, did not escape those of us who live in Lagos and observe hundreds of vehicles which arrive loaded with smuggled rice from Cotonu very early every day. The rice story was just another lie.

Surely, readers will recollect the announcement that Nigeria would soon join yam exporting countries. That fib blew up in their faces very quickly when one consignment of rotten yams landed abroad. Back home, the true story is what the President had just told us. But, what Buhari disclosed is only part of the truth. It is not just that Nigeria still can’t feed itself; but Nigeria is increasingly unable to feed itself. Three and a half years of this Minister has left us more food deficient than when he started making his own noise. Any hope? None!

Is there a Minister of Water Resources? The fact that you are not sure or cannot remember his name tells you all you need to know about how totally useless that appointment was. Like the Housing Minister, the fellow told the entire world that 80 million Nigerians are without potable water. That itself is a lie. Far more than that number of Nigerians is without the most essential resource after the air we breathe. Typical of all Buhari’s noisy pack, he offered no report concerning how many more Nigerians received water since he came into office and how he intends to solve the problem.

There was baton change in the Ministry of Finance. The first “lady” (if you can give a certificate forger that exalted title) left with nothing to her credit. It took Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, despite her other faults, less than one year to get Nigeria out of the debt trap. It took Mrs Kemi Adeosun less than three years to get Nigeria half-way back into the trap. Her successor has proved to be a bench-warmer who was suddenly sent into the field. She clearly can be described as “fish out of water splashing on the deck”. But, she collects Minister’s salary and entitlements. Where are the “useful and proper returns” to which the people of Nigeria are entitled? The Ministry despite piling up huge debts cannot raise enough revenue to fund the budget each year.

Somewhere in Abuja, there must be a Minister for Women Affairs.  She must have forgotten why she was in the office. The most important of women affairs in Nigeria is empowerment; or, more to the point, political empowerment. Looking around the table at the weekly FEC Meeting, she would have seen how few the women are. The list of elected National Assembly members would have demonstrated that what women need most is to organise themselves; push for political power and everything will be added. She should have spent time encouraging women associations to emerge in order to present candidates for the 2019 elections. A vigorous attempt would have carved her name in gold even if she failed at first. Today nobody can recollect anything meaningful she did for her gender while in office; no “useful or proper returns” there.

When you turn to the Ministry of Defence, you just have to laugh or cry. Before 2015, Boko Haram did not control Zamfara State. Last week, Governor Yari told the world that the insurgents in his state have superior weapons than the Nigerian army. He must have an idea of their armoury because he quoted 500 AK-47s being in their possession. Zamfara is in the hands of terrorists. Kidnapping has become more common even in Katsina State to the extent that the Governor also cried out two months ago. That is the President’s own state under siege. That was not the case on May 29, 2015. Instead of facing the real terrorists well-armed in the North, the army conducts Operation Cobra dance, Lion Patrol etc in the South East among unarmed civilians. Most Nigerians will love to see them dancing in Sambisa Forest for a change.

Is there a single Nigerian who feels safer today than in 2015? Raise your hand!!

Billions of naira went down the drain and sometimes into service chiefs’ pockets and we are not safer today than in 2015. Where is the benefit to the people?

WHY YOUNG NIGERIANS MUST SEIZE POWER – 2

“None of them is thinking about your future. Without exceptions, they only want to be Presidents, Vice Presidents, Ministers.” Dele Sobowale. Last week.

Just last week, with the certainty of a Prophet, I told Nigeria’s youth that none of the old politicians is thinking about their bleak future. They certainly don’t plan to do anything to avert the looming catastrophe. Read the papers now and despair.

The ninth National Assembly, NASS, has not been inaugurated and already the elected lawmakers are not worried about bills to be presented and passed which will benefit all Nigerians. They are busy fighting over who will be Senate President, Deputy. Majority Leader, Speaker, Deputy Speaker etc.

If anybody is still wondering why the black race is the most backward among all races on this planet, all they need to do is to look at the quality of Nigerian political leaders at the moment. Nigeria being the largest collection of blacks on earth represents all black people. And our political leaders represent us. Is this the best we can do?

“Every country has the government it deserves.” Joseph De Maistre, 1753-1821.

With leaders like these, Africa will remain the Dark Continent as long as the world exists. The only option left is for young Nigerians to get rid of these losers.