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Being A Father Figure

By Janet Adetu

First I must say happy Father’s Day to all you wonderful Fathers today. It is not an easy task to be a father Figure whether as a biological, spiritual, advisory father. Many young men will recive mentoring from you from a distance. All they need to do is watch your every move, words and character. Most times you may not realize your impact or inspiration you have on others. You may or not be following protocol but you are indirectly or in many cases directly impacting lives of many others. What is the Etiquette of being a father? Is there any such thing? Can fatherhood be taught?

I believe just like being a mother you pick up knowledge everywhere daily, therefore it is really about lifes experiences and how you apply them in various circumstances. After all said what a joy it is to be a Father, a day to remember in the life of every man.  A day of mixed feelings, overwhelming joy, flashes of fear, uncertainty and anxiety as well as exciting relief. “Can you remember the moments?”

The job is never ending from the first smile, first steps, first words, first day at school, all the way to when you see your own baby carrying their own baby.

Wow! Sometimes it feels scary because nobody is perfect, no amount of lessons can be sufficient to teach a man what to do and how to do it when the time comes or when situations arise. Experience they say is the best teacher, so you can only take a leaf no matter how small where possible from our own fa and father figures aound you.

As I let you in on a few Fathering Etiquette Tips that I personally put together, remember they are only guidelines that will enhance, build and propel you to being a better person. Knowledge is power, we should seek to keep ourselves empowered at all times; seek new information, desire to develop our person our  polish and our presence.

Let me start with this beautiful quote which for me more is more of food for thought by Maralee Makee

“Today our children are our shadow

  Tomorrow they will be our reflection”


a)Be Spiritually Tuned In: Before I step into the act of branding you we can all agree that to be a mother is easily one of the most difficult jobs ever.  Your whole character, personality and charisma rubs off from you and is transferred to your child in small portions as you go about your daily duty as a mum. Seriously the first step as a mother without any contention is to be spiritually in tune with your maker. Your prayer life needs to be larger than life because it is not just about you anymore, your child needs your shield, when your are there and when you are not. The responsibility is yours once you decide to bring a child into the world. Don’t forget to pray for your children each day. That way you will never be overwhelmed by your own busy schedule and forget them. Even when at times it is difficult to communicate, remember them in prayer.

b)Lead by Example:

Remember you are always being watched, It is better to be admired than to   be watched. You are not perfect so are allowed to let your guard down once in a while after all you are only human. However your children and many others that surround you will always watch closely.Ensure you do your best to lead by good examples. This applies to the appropriateness of your dressing, your speech and communication abilities.

  1. c) Watch Your Character Traits:

Another quote I like:

“You lose your property you have lost nothing

“You lose your health you have lost something

“You lose character, you have lost everything”

Show the right attitude at all times as a mother even in circumstances where the other person was wrong. Be the more mature person that has an aura of peace, patience, joy and happiness. Have an optimistic view of life even when you are challenged these are the things that build your character. Believe that tomorrow will be better than today. Your character is developed from a tender age; as such in attempting to mould your child’s character, deposit good character traits in him/her.

d)Quintessential Image:

Your image is everything, the beginning of you creating a good or bad first impression. Whether you are meeting your child’s teacher for the first time, your new boss, a potential client or a distant inlaw how others view you should be your concern. As a father you not only mentor your own children, but the people you work with, your clients, acquaintances, colleagues, staff and subordinates. You should either command a sense of authority, or approachability otherwise you will be seen to be standoffish, proud and unapproachable. Dress the way you want to be addressed at all times for all occassions. Try not to over power your looks but enhance them. Choose outfits that fit you well and accentuate your body proportions. Your clothes should  make you feel comfortable and give you a boost of confidence. Keep up with the times as fashion comes and goes while style is forever. Identify your own style and stick with it. Dress for the occasion, remember your daily schedule. Colour coordinate your clothes properly, add appropriate accessories and spice it up with elegant gracious footwear. Dress for success at all times.

g)Think, Speak, Act:

How eloquently do you speak? As a father your child’s first words will come from hearing you as well as others. Make up your mind what language you would like your child to learn first. Perfect the language and construct your sentences well. Do not dilute your English language rather seek to speak constructively with perfect diction and pronounciation.

Think before you say anything even in when in annoyance. Act only when you have thought about it and spoken it. Communicate with style, remove all that funky texting and show your kids the right way to communicate.

Abbreviating your written words only confirms that you condone that level of communication. Teach your child the right way to go and not to conform with the norm.

  1. h) Evolve with the Times

Our children today are so high-tech we can hardly keep up with them. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the Likes. What next?

This Z generation are fast taking over the world. I say keep up with the times and don’t be left behind. Let your children know you are abreast with what is going on around you. Even when they still think you are old school prove them wrong. They should be free to talk to you about anything anytime.

i)You Were Born to Inspire:

You should have it at the back of your mind to want to leave a good legacy behind for your children both boys and girls. We all have dreams and aspirations that form our daily, weekly and yearly goals. Be a huge inspiration to your children, whatever you do let your children have cause to be interested in what you do. Let them have reasons to be proud of you as their mother. You were born to inspire the nation, go ahead and run with your vision. If you do not run with it no body will do it for you.

Have a Blessed and Great Fathers Day.

Happy Reading


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