By Bunmi Sofola
According to experts, having sex once a week could put the spark back in your marriage. Different sex drives can sour relationships as Tuoyo and Andria, his wife of 15 years discovered four years ago, so they decided to do something about it. “Normally, Tuoyo tried to initiate sex a couple of times a week. I think he’d love it every day, but I only responded about twice a month – and that’s usually because I can sense he’s getting frustrated,” explained Andria. “While I loved Tuoyo and still found him attractive. I was usually so tired, all I want to do in bed was sleep.
“Then a relationship counsellor advised we should narrow sex to once a week to improve its quality. My husband squirmed, but I was all for it. At the start of the first week, my parents were staying with us, so it was the weekend before we got to having sex. But I was shattered and, if we hadn’t committed to it, I would probably have refused his advances. In the end, I was glad we did it because we felt closer afterwards.
“In Week Two, I actually instigated sex, which was almost unheard of. Although I knew I could easily rely on Tuoyo to make the first move, keeping to the schedule meant our sex life was much more at the forefront of my mind – and I was actually in the mood. Tuoyo seemed pleasantly surprised. Once-a-week sex may be having an impact in other areas too. When the kids are in bed, we’d spend longer hours chatting, which means niggles get ironed out before they cause arguments. By Week Three? our lovemaking had gone up a level. We felt so passionate – perhaps because little irritations were being smoothed out before we got to the bedroom. Instead of going through the motions, I found that I actually wanted to make love to my husband. By Week Four, I genuinely felt turned on a few times when we were in bed. Sticking to just once a week became a bit of a challenge. I couldn’t believe the change in myself.
“But by Week Five, tired and pre-menstrual again, I was not in the mood. At the end of the week however, I decided to go along with my husband’s advances. My libido increased again during the final week of the experiment – so much so that instead of turning over after we’d finished, I snuggled up to him. He told me he’d started to worry I no longer fancied him. This couldn’t be farther from the truth and I tried to explain how stress and exhaustion killed off my desire. It was a moment of honesty between us. But while it’s true that our marriage is now happier, I’m not convinced weekly sex is essential. Some times, it’s just not practical.”
And her husband Tuoyo’s views on the ‘experiment’? Knowing we had guests made sex seem even more enticing when we started, but I knew sex was off the card until Andrea’s parents had gone,” he said. “But it was worth the wait. And knowing we would definitely make love before the end of the week raised my anticipation. I certainly wasn’t disappointed. In fact, I never am – my wife is incredibly attractive. So imagine my ecstasy when she reached over to me in bed the second week! There’s nothing like the feel of my wife’s naked flesh against mine.
“While I wanted her to lie in my arms afterwards, my wife always rolled over and fell asleep immediately. Regardless, I found myself thinking about making love a lot over the following week. The D- Day came in Week Three, we were both really fired up! While I’d always been one for regular love-making, I was staring to see the benefits of just once a week. It heightens the passion.
“Then, as we were drifting off to sleep on the Wednesday of Week Four, Andrea snuggled up to me, making it very clear that she was in the mood. What a treat.
“She made her move again seven days later. I was thrilled.. While I’d always been tactile, I could see Andrea was definitely showing me more affection. In an ideal world, I’d love to have sex more than once a week. But I’d been through worse. When the children were younger, we’d gone two months without sex. Compared with those barren times, once a week will certainly keep a smile on my face!”
Improve Your Sex Life With A Daily Glass Of Red Wine!
Want to give your sex life a boost? Experts advise you do something daring. Anything that gets the adrenaline pumping makes the opposite sex more attractive to us. When you do something exciting, your heart is racing and your nervous system is activated – much like if you were sexually aroused,” says Dr. Cindy Meston, co-author of Why Women Have Sex. Bellow are some of her suggestions:
What you fancy: Women who drink a glass of red wine a day have a higher levels of sexual desire and vaginal lubrication than those who drink other alcohol occasionally, or none at all.
Get physical: Unexpected touches such as hug or kiss encourage our bodies to release oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feel closer and calmer.
Breathe one another: Sniffing his sweat can boost your levels of the stress hormone cortisol and, in turn, lead to arousal.
Shed the pounds: Being over-weight can make you more susceptible to blood vessel disease, reducing blood flow to the genitals, so arousal is less likely.
Herbs to add spice: Ginko biloba has been shown in trials to improve blood flow to the brain and genitals and therefore to enhance desire and orgasm.