By Pastor Okokon Ating

Family pressure comes in different shades and covers. Sometimes, it may be from in-laws, other times it may be from friends. Whatever the source, every family pressure has one purpose-to pull down marriages. What does it mean? It is the amount of force exerted continuously on or against the couple. It can also be said to be the compelling force or influence on a thing or a person.

Considering the two definitions, one is tempted to conclude that family pressure in marriage is that force or influence which a third party puts against couples or newly found family. This pressure depends sometimes on the background of the bride or groom. From the groom’s side, if the background and the culture is that a married woman must be a slave to all the members of the groom’s family and the wife refuses to adhere to such custom, there are bound to be pressures.

Another factor that can bring family pressure is when the newly married woman is up to a year or two without pregnancy, the groom’s family will be calling the couple for questioning. The mother in-law will then be worried about having a grand child at all cost. Several questions may be asked and devices can be used. The groom may be sent for to answer a query why the wife is not pregnant.

Modern technological devices will be suggested for test, here and there in other to find out what the problem is and why the groom could not show himself as a complete man. Words of castigation may sometimes indirectly be used, for example, “how can two men marry themselves?“aren’t you supposed to be husband and wife?

“Why are you feeding a male dog or a he goat which cannot bear fruit?” etc.

In an African view or context, the groom’s family will begin to suspect the wife to have aborted all the children in her womb or call her an “ogbanje”, having mammy-water spirit or marine husband who had already given birth to all her children in the marine world before she got married to their son. Sometimes they will go as far as saying that maybe the bride’s parent is or must have been responsible for the delayed pregnancy. To worsen the situation, if the lady happens to give birth to female children consecutively, the pressure will still be there, which will draw attention to questions like, “what will our family do with female children?

We need male children, who will do this and that in our family.” My first cousin gave birth to five female children before a male child was born. Before the birth of the boy, which makes the sixth child, the family of the husband called my cousin with different names like: “mama girls” “girls womb”. In all of this, their mentality never told them that this happens as a result of what their son had planted in the wife which brought the harvest of female children.

Suppose their son was able to deposit in the wife the seed that produces male children, during the fertilization period of the wife’s egg, it would have been an easy thing for the wife to bring forth male children as many as they want. Though children comes from God, it is the semen of the man which fertilizes the woman’s egg that results to whatever we see manifesting as the zygote.

FINANCIAL PRESSURE:

The parents of the groom or the bride may still want their son-in-law to finance them in whatever thing they want to do. It could also be from both male or female side, especially a lady who had been the bread winner of her family before marriage. Such parents would still want that lady to siphon money from the husbands home to them. This is where some men who are unable to tolerates will flare up with anger and react by sending the wife parking. Some ladies too who are unable to stay without sending money to their parent will feel ill-treated by the husband and would want to satisfy her parent at all cost. In the lace where she is unable to achieve her desire for the parents, she may put up undue pressure on the man which can lead to fighting and quarreling because of the husbands refusal to yield to her request. Apart from finances, material wealth, other pressures can equally lead to a broken home.

MAINTAINANCE PRESSURE:

This is another factor that can break down marriages. This usually occur from the wife’s side. The bride’s parent would want to know if at all the husband is maintaining their daughter well or not. Some will even ask: How much has he given you for the weekend meal?

‘How many cloths has he bought for you?

‘Has your husband been spending time with you at home?

‘Does he know how to pet you?

‘What is the relationship of your husband with his family?

‘Do you know weather your husband has another lady outside?

These and many more are the usual and funny questions which some brides’ family do ask. The issue of pressure in marriage is a serious matter which, if not checked or controlled, may weigh down and influence  the husband and the wife to the point of breaking. I want to say here that no matter the level of one’s faith in Christ, the first year of marriage is full of pressure from both families. It is the mature people in the lord that do stand the test of family pressure.

ECONOMIC AND SOCIAL PRESSURE:

There are also, economic and social pressures that do weigh down heavenly on couples particularly those who borrow money to finance their wedding. The thought of paying back the money to the lenders and settling of other most pressing needs are enough to disorganize marriage. Socially, if the social life aspect of a couple is ill-spoken of by the society, it will be very difficult for such marriage to succeed. The reason is this, such marriage is full of ups and downs with accusations and blames from the public.

OFFICE PRESSURE:

This is another serious challenge which influences the new family. How? If the husband or wife is a committed employee in which most of the work in the office rest upon, it will be difficult for him/her to meet up with the home front responsibilities. Where there is no understanding between the couple, trouble may quickly ensue and can result in accusations and sentiment that he/she does not have time at home, or he/she loves work more than family.

All of these pressures mentioned are not friendly to any marriages. Pressure can only be faced by a matured mind who has a shock-absorber to carry them as they throng on him or her. Marries today, tomorrow break up is as a result of overbearing pressure on couples. With prayers to God Almighty, I am very sure that God will give us wisdom to handle our marriages. God Bless You.