By Pastor Okokon Ating
It may be easy to date someone for quite some years without knowing the total truth about the person whether man or woman. The reason may be best known to the would-be couple as to why such truth is not made open. The unrevealed truth can be said to be an act of keeping secret from another.
The fear may be if I do now, he/she may disengage me or break off from me. In the course of this writing, I will try to mention few of such secrets which stand as part of the challenges against married couples.
- FINANCIAL MATTERS
It may not be simple for the new couple to have discussed this during their courtship period.
I came in contact with a couple who told me that in their family, they have divided the responsibilities between the husband and wife. That, if the husband pays the school fees, the wife will pay for the rent. Well, it may be well with their thinking. Where such understandable arrangement is not made correctly, there could be a divide and rule system in the house whiles the result will be a broken home.
But I want to advice here that where genuine love and solid marital foundation is laid, such idea as mentioned above stands as a threat to the future of the marriage. I am rather advising that instead of a couple dividing responsibilities let them have a joint bank account; though this issue also breeds a lot of controversies among many minds. I believe where Christ rules as the head of a home, matters like the joint account can well be addressed than apportioning responsibility.
Furthermore, in the marital home, the issue of spending should be properly handled by the couple. This is, they should have reasonable ways of spending their money at least on the basic needs which will bring benefits to the family and not on the selfish wants of a person over the other. There are some husbands who like to hide their expenses from wives.
At the end of the month, they will say, after all it is my money. My option is that, it’s not their money alone but the family’s. When that money is exhausted ant he is required to provide for the family needs, then he will start giving unnecessary excuses. If this continues, neither of the partners will be able to bear it and this will cause serious conflict at home.
In the same financial matters, a married couple who had adapted the system of only the husband is the source of supply; will soon come to a point that the woman will be irritated when the simplest request made is ignored, hence complaints and conflicts.
On the other side, a man may see the wife as being too greedy, insatiable and undisciplined with money. That is why a couple should open up on their income status to each other on time.
If both of you are aware of your earnings, I believe the issue of asking for more or not providing will be avoided and there will be peace at home. The couples should take a very good care of the area of “fund diversion”. Diversion in the sense that newly married woman may see such occasion as an avenue of diverting funds to her parents and sister. Equally, some men seem to see that period as the time they could help their family or relations sinces they have just spent a lot on the wedding ceremony.
This can cause disagreement which may lead to a broken home. Issue of spending selfishly, border on spending on yourself, family member and friends without thinking about your spouse. This definitely, will make any of the couple to think of way to get his or her own share.
Assuredly, married couples finically or buoyant financially despite their earnings. There is no need for one to hide his/her earning from the other. Some may think it is right especially women, not to spend their money on their immediate family; it is the responsibility of a man alone to do so. I want to say here that it is wrong if such thinking set in quickly. I see it this way that money from couple should be spent judiciously for the upkeep of the family.
If any of the couple is buoyant enough, then on need to help the other. Permit me to say this that there some man who do not like to spend on their wives because they are working or they have fat earning than the husband.
Any man who sees his wife as a being richer financially than him and because of that she should bear the family financial burden alone, is inviting disrespect to himself and at the same time causing problem at home. I will like to advise the married couples to plan their finances properly. This they can do, by making budget for everything they need if they want to have peaceful home.
In order to drive this subject home, care should be taken when dealing with the properties owned by the couple, either before or after the marriage. The idea of claiming ownership of properties can stand as a serious threat against the peace of the marriage if they acquire properties or wealth, whether fixed or moveable. Let them see it as joint or family properties, since they are now one and not two.