By Dr. Ugoji Egbujo

The governor will not commit suicide after all. He knows we have accepted him as a maker of gross mischief. So he doesn’t need to prove anything. He will keep the pictures or tell his artistes to stop work. They have been overtaken by events. He will keep his saintliness and remain a self appointed voice of the masses. He can move on to the next mischief.

It’s a pity he hasn’t made the list for the pilgrimage. It would have been a great opportunity. He could have addressed another set of investors at Oxford street tube station. And reported Buhari to Theresa May for his refusal to die.

President Muhammadu Buhari in
a group photo shortly after receiving in courtesy visit delegation of
Nigeria’s Governor’s Forum led by its Chairman Governor Abdulaziz Yari in
Abuja House London on 26th July 2017 in the photo are R-L: Governor Samuel
Ortom of Benue State, Governor Abdullahi Umar Ganduje of Kano State,
Governor Udom Emmanuel of Akwa Ibom State, Governor Abdulaziz Yari of
Zamfara State, Governor Kashim Shettima of Borno State, Governor David
Nweze Umahi of Ebonyi state and Governor Abiola Ajimobi of Oyo State

Femi Adesina knows them all. These ones are neither jackals nor hyenas. They are the sons of Shimei. Biblical Shimei stoned and tormented David when he was in distress and on the run in Bahurim. Shimei was of the clan of disgraced Saul, and was filled with demons of grief and vengeance.

When David returned like a Lion king, Shimei, ahead of everyone else, was there at the gates. He went with his family and baskets of apologies and cringed before David. He rolled on the floor and sang: “I was misled….It was the devil…There are no permanent enemies in politics…I was wrong when I called you a murderer and tyrant ….You are incorruptible .. You are a messiah.”

The day of reckoning, at the gates, has not come. They are still their haughty selves. They have committed him to their prayers. They want him dead. They have abundant faith. Faith is the evidence of things not seen. The substance of things hoped for.

So the governor call forth , with glee—Buhari is vegetable, dying in a London hospital. The tribe of Shimei has the gift of savagery. But that’s not their prime quality. The sons of Shimei are colourfully shameless. A Shimei would eat his vomit with relish, with fanfare. Femi Adesina is right. The Shimeis are here. They are shallow and vacuous.

I know One Shimei for whom Buhari is a son of perdition. This Shimei is noisy about his Christianity. He disciplines his erring women with his fists and buckles of his belts. That list doesn’t include Bianca Ojukwu. Never mind those bogus hallucinatory claims.

His concubines sit in his homes like wives, while he goes around looking for sinners to mock. He has proclaimed himself a living legend. His only contributions to national politics are not ideas but vitriols and gutter snipes. This spirit filled Shimei curses people in the name of Jesus. He is obsessed with Jebusites and Perizzites

If Femi Adesina were not a pastor; If he were that sort of pastor, like Pastor Reno Omokri, who can hurl double edged penetrating ‘area boy’ insults; we would have had a spectacle. But Adesina throws eggs and tomatoes where broken bottles are thrown. He is too civil.

When he wrote about Abashai and cutting off of heads, he used inverted commas. A Shimei came, dismantled the inverted commas and labeled him bloodthirsty. But that Shimei didn’t stop there. He said that Femi Adesina would need mental rehabilitation. Adesina turned the other cheek, ignored him. A man stricken with elephantiasis of the scrotum must never go joking about potbellies. But this is the age of infantilism. So Femi Adesina, would you then consider a sabbatical in Ghanaian synagogue?

Since London became our president’s Bahurim, so much has happened. The cabal has basked in the sun. A multitude of hyenas and jackals have been identified. A spade has been called a spade, and the sons of Shimei have been called by their father’s name. Now,a new batch of pilgrims have been born.

Who knows? Those bound for worship in the Eagle house London could soon be entitled to subsidized pounds sterling. If only Aluko and Omokoare had built a world class hospital in Otuoke after buying the yacht. If only our respected leaders and messiahs kept their election promises and didn’t turn to medical ‘Andrews.’ If only politics was public service and minds were not filled with hate.

Since London became Bahurim we have received our Eid message in Hausa. The acting president has done a quick solo to London at night. The honest man chose vagueness when asked what the tax payer funded visit was about. No one believed him. Pastors have to mind the gap between lies and political correctness. Opponents quickly filled the gap. They said he didn’t see the president for more than 5 minutes. So the APC governors decided on a Sunday lunch in London.

It’s tax payers’—nobody’s —money. It was full of appetizing bananas. The pilgrim governors didn’t find photographic films to buy in London. Six men went and came out with only one still picture in the age of digital photography.

Another six went. Next, it could be the turn of the Nigerian legion. He is their man too. They may send a twelve. And, hopefully, come back with a video evidence. The solitary picture hadn’t been seen before it was dismissed as old and fake by those who have eyes for details.

They said they saw Ragolis water bottles on that table. Since they never have to prove anything, they said it was a Ramadan picture. But if we had the real picture how would a Sunday photograph be the subject of a exhaustive national gladiatorial contest?. His aides say it’s his style. How can it be the style of a humble man to deny his staff information he owes them? His style is harmless if it doesn’t go beyond wearing same brown kaftan every day he has visitors in London.

If only madam D had taken more money from the NNPC and given to that managing director of that bank. By the way he is still on his job after people he gave money have been convicted. If only Madam D had told him not to bribe INEC officials but to build a world class hospital in Nigeria. One African president could have come here to recuperate. And his countrymen could have been coming in droves to visit him. Then he would have attracted tourists for us. He would have become our alternative source of scarce foreign exchange.

If only adults haven’t become children.