By Francis Ewherido
The three letter word, sex, is an attention grabber any day, so it was not surprising that the story with the headline Married woman escapes, as 22-yr-old lover overdoses on sex enhancement drugs in the Vanguard of Wednesday, this week, attracted so much attention.
According to the story, a married mother of three in Benin, Edo State, gave her 22-year-old lover an overdose of sex enhancement drugs, causing the young man to have a permanent erection and unbearable penile pains. Sensing trouble, she fled the hotel. The report also said “the …woman normally comes to the hotel with the boy after dropping off her children in school… ‘She will be in the hotel from 8am till about 2pm, when she will go and pick the children from school.’”
So many issues come to mind here; to start with I have issues with the way the young man was portrayed as if he is a helpless minor. At 22, he is an adult, a man, not a “boy,” as he was called in the report. The woman might have purchased the drugs, but he took them on his own volition. He probably wanted to impress and give her value for money.
The increasing youth unemployment has gradually given birth to another industry: male prostitution. We always use euphemisms to describe sins and crimes to make them less grievous or make us feel more comfortable. Hence, adultery is “having an affair,” fornication is “dating” and prostitution is “escort service” or simply “service.” Let us call a spade a spade. What is prostitution? “Prostitution is the business or practice of engaging in sexual relations in exchange for payment… A person who works in this field is called a prostitute” (Wikipedia).
What is this 22-year-old doing with an older woman, mother of three, married to a wealthy man? Prostitution! It is part of a growing trend. Many young men are living off sugar mummies, sometimes old enough to be their grandmothers. They think they are having the best of both worlds: good sex and getting paid for it. They do not realize it is a fickle, ephemeral and unsustainable life.
Times have changed. In the 80s my father tore me to shreds just because I commented that a woman, he thought was married, had a beautiful set of teeth. For all he cared, I must have looked at her lustfully to know that. When I was growing up, married women were like sacred objects, no go area. In Urhoboland we have erivwin (tragedy that befalls people who commit abominable acts). If a married woman engaged in adultery, her children would die one after the other until she confessed.
If she did not, she also died. Sometimes, erivwin could befall a married woman if another man as much as held her hand or smacked her bum and she failed to tell her husband. Erivwin was a good check and balance that protected the marriage institution. Christianity is here and erivwin is not as prevalent. Even though Christianity is also against adultery, we have a merciful God we take for granted. Not surprising, while Christianity is spreading, adultery seems to be spreading faster I am not a male chauvinist, but the truth is that the African culture legalized multiple sex partners for men in the name of polygamy and concubinage.
So these women working very hard to outdo the men in the act of adultery miss the point when they claim what a man can do, a woman can also do and even better. Some Christian denominations and other religions still allow polygamy. But Christian men, who have taken vows of fidelity, have an obligation to strive and live their marital vows.
Notwithstanding what men do, the increasing cases of adultery among women are gut-wrenching. The marriage institution is being eroded and desecrated. Adulterous wives need to have a rethink. Even if their husbands are not worth it, they should have dignity, self-worth and remain steadfast. As for young men messing around with people’s wives, you are starting life on a sad and dangerous note. Beyond the grave spiritual implications, you could get hurt; wives are the priciest “possessions” of many men.
The economy is tough, but you cannot use that as an excuse. It is like armed robbers using the economic situation as an excuse. I once again call on the Minister of Youth and Sports, Mr. Solomon Dalung, to come up with his programmes to tackle the growing youth unemployment. Like his predecessors, he has become engrossed in sports and seems to have forgotten the “youth” part of his portfolio.
The other bit of concern is what a 22-year-old is doing with sex enhancement drugs. At 22, you are in your prime as far as virility is concerned and if you need enhancement drugs, what will happen 30 years on? Also forget the “100 per cent natural”, “no side effects” declarations you see on drug labels. We live in a chemicalised age. The air we breathe, the environment we live in; all food and drugs have side effects. How come cancer and other ailments are on the increase? Our food is grown with fertilizers and fumigated against pests and diseases with chemicals, so the so called “natural” is already chemically-tainted. So the less you introduce into your system, the better for you.
Finally, the woman at the centre of the saga is apparently a full time housewife. That is the only way she could spend the time between dropping and picking her children in school in a hotel room with a toy boy. I have said it here before. The whole idea of full time housewife is rubbish. Every adult of working age should be busy. These wealthy men, who do not need their wives’ extra income, should still get their wives busy. The idle mind remains the devil’s workshop. Instead of making her a full time housewife to give her enough time for the children and the home front, she can be engaged in a business/activity with flexible schedule.