Dear Bunmi,

My husband gets a load of kicks from flirting with other women. For the eight years we’ve been married, I’ve watched him chat up women and had countless nights anxiously waiting for him to come home from his night-crawling. Now, after his last affair where his latest girlfriend insulted me to my face in his presence, I’ve decided I can no longer live with him.

When I told him I wanted out of the marriage, he said that suited him fine and he was thinking of going abroad to work. This would mean our two children might not even see him. It’s hell being with a man who can’t stay faithful, but if I end our marriage, my children will lose their father. What should I do?

Bilikis

Bye-mail.

Dear BiIikis,

Being married to a Casanova can be a nightmare. Flirting might be harmless but it has led him to having affairs while controlling you and does what he likes. Now that you’ve found the strength to fight back, he’s making you feel guilty for the hurt your children may feel at the separation. As a mother, you naturally want them to have contact with their father, but you can’t make your husband a responsible father. He has shown little respect for you and your marriage.

You deserve better, and if he’s unwilling to change, then you are right to end the relationship. While your children need a father, they also deserve a happy mum. Perhaps your threat to end the marriage has made him invent this job abroad so you’ll change your mind. Let him know that going away would be his choice and he will have to justify this to his children in the near future. As much as possible, I always try to advise couples to stay together, but unless your husband shows real desire to change, you owe it to yourself to build a happier life for yourself and your children.

 

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