By Yinka Odumakin

I get my money
Plan my plan finish
Start to go for market
Start to go for shopping
Before I reach market nko o?
Government show don enter
My plan don spoil o!

IT is difficult for me to talk about Abami Eda,the weird one, Fela Anikulapo-Kuti in the past because though the mortal part of him was interred in 1997, his essence lives and speaks to our unfortunate situation every now and then. Fela is one authentic prophet whose every word continues to perform what exactly it was sent for.

The lyrics excerpted above are from his Overtake Don Overtake Overtake, ODOO,which he released when the crises of the Structural Adjustment Program,SAP, which commenced in 1986 began to turn making it the right way in Nigeria a nightmarish experience.
Fela sang about a Nigerian who was sweating in his room and decided to buy a fan to have some comfort. As at that time there was still a stable supply of electricity to power the fan unlike now when he would also have needed a “I -better -pass -my -neighbour generator which was recently banned in a country that raises power tariffs for non-existent supply.

Non-existent supply

The fan was N75 when the dream hatched and the poor fellow was saving from his small salary which was paid regularly then unlike now when a worker is no longer sure of the reward of his sweat. He gathered the N75 and was on his way to buy himself relief from heat but “Every time he nearly buy the fan/Government go add ten Naira more/Anytime he nearly buy the fan /Government go start one activity/Till the fan reach N200”
The never-say-die spirit of Nigerianity did not derail the dream at this stage as the man continued to save in all the unconventional banking platforms including under the pillow, under cooking pot, inside socks and under the carpet. He gathered N200 and was eagerly on his way to the market when alarm blew on his dream. “Government announce second tier/Everything come to pieces/Everything come expensive.”

With the devaluation of the Naira, the fan suddenly became N700 and so evaporated the dream of this hard working Nigerian. He wanted to cry but he was brimming with mirth. Yet, the realisation hit him that he could no longer make it the right way. “Now now he come understand him life/Enjoyment can never come him way/Na now him life dey go reverse.”

That was the point something snapped in Nigeria from which we can never recover under this structure except we go back to the foundation to rebuild. It is mere wishful thinking to expect the new to emerge from the rot of the existing order and I will explain shortly.

Joke of the year

But first this funny but tragic joke of the year I share with agony of the spirit. A group of Nigerian science professors were going to a very important conference and were all seated in the plane while pre-flight formalities were on. The pilot of the plane proudly announced something he thought would cause a great excitement amongst the eggheads. “Our distinguished Professors,it gladdens my heart to announce to you that you have the privilege of being the passengers on the maiden flight by this locally made plane by some of the students you trained….hope you will have a wonderful experience”. He had hardly finished when the Professors ran out of the plane.

When the stampede was over only one of them remained glued to his seat reading a soft-sell magazine.

When asked why he didn’t run alongside with his colleagues, he replied in a relaxed tone “If truly this plane was made by the students we taught, there is no way it would fly given the level of instructions we passed on to them. Even we their teachers cannot make a functional Keke Marwa.”

Though a joke, the above speaks eloquently to the stultification of creative energy in a land where all sorts of restrictions are laid on the path development. The hostile environment has diverted the creative energy of the people in the negative direction and as such our people are daily devising crooked means of survival.

It was not an accident that the SAP marked the burgeoning of the fraud industry in the country. That was when Section 419 of the Criminal Code which had always been there became vey popular. It was a period when people whose only trademark up until then was deep search for knowledge became very active in the “Gbajue”, fraud, industry. The criminal creativity of Nigerians was unleashed. Europe and America was in for a period of “reparation” before they woke up to the Nigerian scam. The white man would have parted with his money and start to look for Mr. Omosetan Omogbebe,The Child was done and has taken to his heels, Mr. Mawamikiri Oyinbogo,Start looking for me foolish white man, et al.
I recall an American journalist telling me in 1991 that when he was coming to Nigeria for the first time he had looked forward to seeing Silicon Valleys all over Nigeria with the way our people were beating computers in America. Alas we only have “Computer Village” where computers picked from dumb sites in Europe and America are solid.

The fictive fellow in Fela’s ODOO has since vowed to have his own revenge and since them he has always been a step ahead of government in any measure it takes with the latter now having to scream MY PLAN DON SPOIL O!

Latest scheme in negative creativity

The latest scheme in which the negative creative spirit of the Nigerian is making a mess of government plan is the recent implementation of the Bank Verification Number, BVN. The Central Bank of Nigeria,CBN, made a whole lot of hype about the exercise that was to signal the end of banking transactions for customers without identity.

When the hour came,the measure created Intel hiccups in banking transactions which in many cases were for people who had complied with the BVN exercise.

I recall being in a discussion with a group of respected friends and the issue came up. There was the feeling among these knowledgeable Nigerians that a lot of funds would be trapped in various banks after the exercise as many people who had opened accounts with fictitious names would no longer be able to access such funds.There was even the tinge of optimism that government could then look for some laws to confiscate such funds.I laughed within me about the underestimation of the capacity of our people.

It didn’t take ages for smart Nigerians to make government look stupid once again.All of a sudden the classified ads sections of our newspapers became bulkier than ever with CHNGE a OF NAME all over the place.I started paying forensic attention after noticing the sudden upswing in these new identities. A national newspaper penultimate Saturday had 8 full pages of classified ads and all was for change of name.
Reading through the ads on different newspapers is a session of amazement in the awesome capacity of our people.I came across ads like “I formerly known as Babatunde Olatunji now wish to be known as ODION OSEDEMEN, XYZ Bank take notice”. All of a sudden a man who had lived all his years as a Yoruba suddenly changes to an Edo person.

If that was not bizarre enough, I noticed stuff like “Ibrahim Lateef and Shetimma Sheriff wish to be known and addressed as the same person. EFG Bank take note”. I have heard of several breakthroughs in science but I’m yet to come across the art of combining two bodies to now have one soul!

I have also seen a lot of ” Yusuf Bello now wish to be known and addressed as Festus Daniel. PRS Bank kindly note”. The punishment for apostasy in Islam is stoning to death and many would be scared openly doing this in this season of Boko Haram were it not that some banks must be notified.

With this negative ingenuity, the unstated intention of the BVN has been defeated as I am not aware of any law broken by somebody deciding to bear a new name .You know these people are perverting the system but there is nothing you can do about it because they have not broken any know law.

Re-structure for development

I now return to the point I was making earlier about the folly of anyone thinking he can reform this irredeemable order.The system is far too sunk in the sewage pit to be deodorised. It is like a robber snatches a Mercedez Benz 500 Maybach and you ask a policeman to pursue him with a Bedford Lorry. He can only see the dashboard for a few seconds before the woner-on-wheels disappear.

We must go back to the very basics where Fela’s friend who wants a fan would be able to save enough and buy it without any “government show” spoiling his plan. Unless we restore his capacity to dream, create stability that would restore confidence in the system, all measures to enforce orderliness would be creatively sabotaged by perverted ingenuity.

Our journey back to our Eden requires doing away with the present structures of Nigeria and recreating a new polity with a new culture that would re-awaken the positive deployment of the creativity of our peoples within the context of cultural democracy.
Until then,we continue to walk in different ways that will not work.

Happy New year!

IN three days time it shall be a NEW YEAR as 2015 would have completed its cycle. All projections are that we are going into 2016 with all trepidation as all indices are troubling for our economy .The IMF just projected that oil may go for as low as $20 a barrel while our projection is based on $38. A testy year it is going to be but we shall wade through it successfully if we could interpret the season correctly and do what is needful.

We must keep hope alive and strengthen our faith in the Almighty our help in ages past!

Rest assured CANDID NOTE shall be here with you God willing throughout 2016.
Happy New Year in advance from me to YOU!