By Uche Onyebadi

MR. You-are-fired Donald Trump is a man who has fired the imagination of the American public with his brand of unorthodox political campaigns. Initially written off as a nonentity, Trump has weathered all storms to remain fixed at the top of the Republican Party presidential race list.

When he curses and calls his opponents dirty names, his approval rating goes up. When he characterizes women as scum, his excited population of misogynists hail the king. And when all he says is how he would accomplish things and urges people to trust him to do them, the less than critical army of mesmerized sympathizers say he is their man, the modern day redeemer.

Of all the reasons I’ll vote for this towering inferno of American politics, the most cogent is that he epitomizes how the US presidency appears to have been devalued. Gone are the days when, to aspire to run for the presidential office in America, you had to sound like John Fitzgerald Kennedy and make speeches that are of philosophical substance. Now, you can call your opponents “stupid” and receive encomiums for that verbal abuse.

But, who needs philosopher-kings at the White House these days? Things began to fall apart when George W. Bush “convinced” his compatriots that weapons of mass destruction sprouted like uncontrolled mushrooms in Saddam Hussein’s Iraq. And, after committing trillions of dollars and over four thousand, five hundred American lives chasing Osama bin Laden who was busy having babies and enjoying the comfort of his large harem in Pakistan, Bush declared victory in the fight against al-Qaeda and left Americans at the precipice of economic collapse.

Now, Trump has come to fulfill the messianic mission of fooling all who are willing to be taken in by his flamboyance and empty talk. Aren’t these good qualities for me to support him? Surely, a man who wakes up one morning to declare that he will build walls along the US-Mexican border and get the Mexican government pay for it, must have had a good dream the previous night. And, he deserves our support; mine to say the least.

How about relations with China? Donald has my ears there too. America needs a man who will teach the communists in Beijing not to taunt the great America. Never mind that when you go to a typical department store in the US, a battalion of goods from China will line up the aisle to welcome you. I agree with Trump. China must be brought to its knees, and who else to do it but a businessman who understands the art of negotiating with the incorrigible Chinese? Never mind that some of the materials Trumps uses to build his “towers” might even have come from China!

As for Iran, our man Trump holds the magic wand to make the Ayatollahs and Mullahs who run the country melt away like ice cream in hot Arizona. What he needs to do is quite simple: warn the theocratic rulers in Tehran that good old Trump is running for office and they will assemble all Iranian paraphernalia for making nuclear bombs and peacefully, if not timorously, hand them over to Trump for safe-keeping. And once Trump calls them “stupid” they will understand the stupidity in not kowtowing to his whims, because no one fools around with tough-talking Trump.

What is rather amazing about the so-called analysts who criticize Trump about being short on policy articulation is their inability to understand how Trump adroitly articulates nothing and gets his admirers to see the virtue in nothingness. That is the genius in the man. American presidential election has always been about selling policy proposals to the electorate.

Policy proposals

But, like an unanticipated hurricane, Trump zoomed in to reverse the ancient truism about empty vessels making the most noise. All this man of immense talent tells his captive audience is that because he made it rich, they should trust him to make America great again. And, why should they not believe him when they have no idea of the roller-coaster of bankruptcies some of their man’s businesses have had to undergo.

And, Trump’s real wealth? Who really cares about the authenticity of his claims about ocean-deep wealth? Hear him talk about “I’m rich” and you might think that he is the crème de la crème of billionaires in our universe. To his followers, Trump is the quintessential American billionaire.

Never mind that Bill Gates ($79.3 billion), or Warren Buffett ($72.3 billion) or Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg ($34.8 billion) can in reality buy up Trump and all his assets ($4 billion), give away those assets to charity, and still remain billionaires with capital letters. But again, who cares. Forbes might write whatever it likes about Trump’s real worth; what really matters is Trump’s belief that he is in the league of billionaires, even if he is far down south of the perking order.

Last week, at a campaign rally in Mobile, Alabama, Trump startled everyone with a confession that his best book is the Holy Bible. Bible? I thought this Machiavelli incarnate is so busy making deals that God would not even find space at the back seat of his limousine. Nevertheless, it is in his devil-may-care way of talking about women and everyone else, that he really has enraptured people like me. If you wish to catch a glimpse of things Trump said in the past about everything under the sun, especially women, try his web site which has 199 quotes from the man.

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