Dear Bunmi,

I got married four years ago to a divorcee and we have two children together. His only son from his first marriage, who is only 14, lives with us in the guest room downstairs. I’ve just found out that he’s having sex with his girlfriend who is the same age. My husband is in the dark and I’m sure his mum knows nothing about her randy son.

I wondered if the girl is on the pill with her parents’ consent!

When I told my stepson I knew what he was up to, he said he uses condoms. I find this hard to believe and I’m deeply worried about unwanted pregnancy. Can I do anything when I’m not his mother?

Bisola, by e-mail.

Dear Bisola,

Believe it or not, your stepson has not behaved badly. Most adolescents enjoy some form of sex, if not intercourse, from an early age. Before the advent of the pill, and the spread of AIDS, kids most often risked pregnancy and disease.

Your stepson and his girlfriend are at least aware of how to have safe sex. Yet his behaviour leaves a lot to be desired and because he’s your stepson, you want to assert control over him. But let me warn you, you might meet with rebellion. Now that these teenagers, scarcely out of diapers, have discovered the joy of sex, they’ll never give it up without stiff opposition.

You need to let his father know of what is going on under his roof. Sex is a minefield of accidents waiting to happen for people of any age. The impact of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases on our lives can be devastating. Your stepson and his girlfriend may believe they know all about contraception, but they’re not emotionally developed to handle the consequences of adolescent sex. You need to also let this girl’s parents know what she is up to and find a way to make the young couple behave responsibly. No matter how grown-up they feel having sex, they’re still under-age and under the control of their parents.