By Francis Ewherido

Monday, January 26, is another Spouse Day, a day set aside to celebrate and honour our spouses. It is a day when we should not only tell our spouses we appreciate them, but show it. Actually we should appreciate our spouses always; this day is only meant to draw attention to the need to appreciate our spouses. I dedicate this year’s Spouse Day to some super spouses. The first group of super spouses is those who have stuck to their spouses through childlessness.

The primary reason for marriage is companionship, followed by procreation. In Africa, however, having children is number one for many people, before companionship. So childlessness is a massive burden and it just gets heavier as the marriage grows older.

There is pressure from your spouse, parents-in-law, parents, other family members and even friends. Some spouses cave in to the pressure and marry second and even third wives; some marriages break up all together, while some wives have left their husbands, who have fertility challenges, for men who can sire children.

But these super spouses have resisted all pressures and stuck with their spouses. God has blessed some with children after a long wait, but some are still waiting on the Lord. I celebrate you on this day. I have an overwhelming urge to put your names in print, but you did it for love, not praise, so I refrain.

My next set of super spouses are wives of unemployed men who have simply refused to rob it in. if some unemployed men tell you the trauma they go through in the hands of their wives, you will weep. In 1997, when telephones were still scarce commodities, I always went to NITEL, Ikeja GRA, Lagos, to make calls before setting out for the day. That was before the office managed to get a Multilinks line for N144,000!

On this day, the man in front of the queue was loudly begging the man at the other end to leave his wife alone. He was obviously unemployed and a sorry sight. Some unemployed men are now houseboys in their homes. Mark you, I am not by any means suggesting that such men should watch television all day instead of helping out with domestic shores, but some women simply demote their husbands to houseboys. Some women have so shredded their husbands that all their confidence and self-esteem are gone. Some men have died due to the mental torture. But these super spouses treat their husbands with dignity.

They fend for the household; pay the rents and take care of other expenses without qualms. Some even buy clothes for the husbands to ensure their husbands are well groomed. They do not want their husbands to look shabby or be too engrossed in their circumstances. Please note that I am not by any means encouraging able-bodied men to stay idle and be spoon-fed by their wives. Every man who is down must ask himself what went wrong, pick himself up and soldier on. The wife should be there for him while he is trying to get back on his feet. That is what I am saying.

Our next sets of super spouses are those nursing their spouses. Some spouses have terrible health challenges necessitated by stroke, diabetes, accidents, malfunctioning vital organs and so on. Many spouses who do not want the stress have moved on to greener pastures, but these super spouses are living their marital vows of “for better, for worse;” “in sickness and in health.” I salute your enduring love, dedication and perseverance. Kudos, super spouses.

Our last set of super spouses is faithful wives and husbands who are temporarily living apart from their spouses. Increasingly, many Nigerian couples are living apart mainly for economic reasons and the desire to give their children better life.

Many Nigerian women are living in Europe, Canada and the United States with their children, while the husbands stay back in Nigeria. Some of these couples find new sexual partners while others continue to live their marital vow of fidelity. It takes a lot of discipline, self-control and the grace of God to stay faithful in this circumstance; that makes you super spouses.

The rest of us should strive in our little ways to super spouses. Go ahead on this Spouse Day to give your spouses the gift of yourselves and your time. You can leave out physical gifts for Valentine Day. Talking about Valentine’s Day, the person(s) who fixed the presidential elections for February 14 must be very unromantic. Dem no see any other day?

RE-EVALUATING LIFE

On January 14, at about 9:57am, I called my eldest brother, Aloysius Ewherido, to discuss sundry family issues. By January 15, my younger brother, Emma, called to inform me that my eldest brother was not feeling fine and had been rushed to the hospital. By January 16, he called to tell me he did not make it. Just like that, he was gone. I will never see him alive again nor hear his voice.

About three weeks earlier, precisely on December27, 2014, he was playing the role of father at my youngest brother’s wedding. The wedding also coincided with his 60th birthday. We had to shift the birthday celebration to December 28. He cut his birthday cake, surrounded by his children, siblings, nieces, nephews, friends and other well wishers. I wrote to congratulate him on his 60th birthday.

Today, I write about his demise. Man! Lily in the valley; here today, gone tomorrow. This mystery called life, who can completely understand it. Meanwhile, the bible says in all things, we should give thanks to God. So I thank God for his life; I thank God that the entire family joined him to celebrate his 60th birthday; I thank God because he got the anointing of the sick before he passed on. Adieu, big brother, Aloysius Oborakpovwonovwe Ewherido, rest in the bosom of God.