By Francis Ewherido
Marriage is a formal union of man and woman, but each letter of the word “M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E”, does have some significance and together bring to fore the character of marriage.

Man and woman: when God instituted marriage, it was between a man and a woman.God never intended persons of the same sex to be in any “sexual” relations. That was why Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed. They did not even engage in same-sex “marriages”; they were only into in homosexuality. God is the same yesterday, today and forever, so all these so-called legalized same-sex “marriages” in America and Europe are divinely null and void.

Agreement:Consent is a prerequisite for any legitimate marriage to be contracted, be it civil, traditional or Christian. In Christian marriages, the intending couple is asked by the officiating priest: “John, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?” John and his spouse must answer “yes, I have” before the solemnisation can continue. If not the ceremony ends abruptly. In traditional marriage in some culture, the bride takes a cup of drink and seeks out the groom in the gathering. Giving and accepting the wine signify both parties’ agreement to marry.

Parents should not force their children, especially under- aged daughters, into marriage under any guise. That your teenage child has grown like an “agric fowl” does not make her physically, biologically, mentally and emotionally ready for marriage. I have a bias for early marriage, but I also feel that the couple should come of age and freely give their consent without which the marriage is a divine nullity, notwithstanding parental endorsement.

Respect: What is respect? The dictionary says respect “is a feeling of admiration or deference towards somebody or something.” So if you admire your spouse or you defer to him/her, you are respecting him/her. Respecting your spouse is not really a favour but self preservation. My mother always told us while growing up that if you do not have regards for your “emekpe” ( a container used in measuring and packing foodstuff), people will use it to pack ashes instead of garri. About 10 years ago, while mediating in a marital case, the husband told us that he has told his neighbours to beat up and strip his “troublesome” wife naked the next time she makes trouble with them. I told those who were with me that “this marriage is dead”. Shortly after, they divorced.

Reward: We all want to be acknowledged and appreciated, especially on the home front. Very few things kill the spirit of a spouse than would ingratitude. Long ago a family friend kept lamenting to my mother that her husband never appreciated her efforts. The husband was unemployed with children from a previous marriage. The wife was responsible for the upkeep of the entire household and all she wanted was appreciation from her spouse. She died a few years later from hypertension. Couples must appreciate each other, not one-way traffic. Sometimes it is the little “thank you” or absence of it that does the magic or damage in a marriage.

Information: Ideally, there should be uninhibited flow of information in a marriage. This breeds trust (and understanding) which is a necessary ingredient in a happy marriage. A marriage without trust is like a house built on sand, it will not endure. Information flows from communication and communication is the live wire of marriage. Lack of information leads to assumptions and assumption is the hypertension (silent killer) of marriage. Whatever the challenges are, there should free flow of information. Once couples are talking positively, there is hope for the marriage. Always remember that there are no perfect marriages; only marriages striving to be perfect.

Availability: Spouses should be there for each other. Many of us are too busy for the good of our marriages. After God, your marriage (family) comes next, not your work or other pursuits. As much as possible, you should be available for your spouse physically, emotionally, intimately, financially, materially and in all other ways that you can conjure and defend before God.

God: God created the institution of marriage, so it makes sense that He should continue to be part of it. God is the principal reason why the marriage institution is alive today and has survived all kinds of onslaught and assault over time. Ordinarily, every marriage should revolve round God. Unknown to those who do not believe in God, He is also working in their marriages because He is the God who does not reward us according to our deeds, whose steadfastness never ceases and whose mercy never comes to an end.

Earthly: Finally, despite its divine origin, marriage is a vocation and an earthly experience. A good and godly marriage life is part of human earthly pilgrimage to God’s eternal presence. That is the closest relationship marriage has with heaven. Those suicide bombers killing themselves and innocent people in order to inherit and deflower virgins in their imaginary paradise are in for a shock because the hottest part of hell is awaiting them. Moreover, there is no marriage in heaven. As Jesus told the Sadducees, “the people of this age marry and are given in marriage.  But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage” (Luke 20:34-35).

CONGRATULATIONS: I congratulate Ese Ziregbe and Emeka Chukwuneke, as they are joined in holy matrimony today. I wish them and all married people a happy married life.

The above thoughts are basically mine, but I got the marriage acronym from a talk by Rev. Fr. Matthew Ogunyase, the Parish Priest of St. Peter’s Catholic Church, Ejigbo, Lagos