By Yetunde Arebi
A couple of years ago, at a friend’s house in Surulere area of Lagos, a ritual took place every weekend in one of the apartments.
The occupant, a guy, would bring home a lady every Friday or Saturday to spend the night. Most of them never returned after one or two visits. This is because you were bound to hear the lady either weeping profusely, shouting abuses and curses at him, or simply pleading and trying to negotiate her release all through the night.
Initially, none of the neighbours had a clue of what was going on. It was a bit funny, maybe queer.
Soon, their inquisitiveness turned to concern for the girls, especially by the women and they began whispering about it. Concern soon turned to fear of what might happen to them or their female children, should this young man turn on them. And chances were that he could eventually injure one of the girls or something worse.
However, the men considered it his private business, since everything took place in his flat and none of the girls had ever called out for help, nor returned to the house with the Police. So, it was obvious that he was not doing anything to them without their consent. Nevertheless, the women were not convinced and insisted that their men must investigate what was going on, before the guy got everyone in the compound into serious trouble.
My friend told me that at the meeting, this guy just took everything as a huge joke and laughed it off. He told them that all they were doing was having sex and the ladies always got tired before him. Or, is he not allowed to have sex with his girlfriends in his flat? And has he ever come to ask anyone about their sex life? He was correct, they all agreed. But should having sex call for all the crying and cursing? Besides, how many girls are we talking about here? You hardly see a face more than twice, at most three times.
They did not believe his story and decided to call in the landlord. According to my friend, this guy, an otherwise gentleman, good looking, well dressed and a respectful banker finally confessed to one of them, who in turn passed the words round naturally, that he does not get satisfaction from sex unless the lady weeps and begs to be released! So, once he starts, depending on how far the lady can go, he does not stop.
How does he manage? As soon as he gets the first round out of the way, he is prepared for the battle ahead. He does not ejaculate until the girl starts begging. Then goes on another exploration until begging turns to weeping and probably struggling, at which point, he is more than satisfied. Struggling may change things to violence and he tries as much as possible to avoid that. Is this normal or does he use aphrodisiacs to aid his endless erections? He said he has mastered the art over the years but he does sometimes chip in something when he feels the need. If he likes the girl, he offers her lubrication, otherwise, she must sort herself out! Did I hear you say wow?
We concluded that the guy was a sex pervert and even though he was not forcing the girls (technically) he could eventually become a danger to other tenants, to which most of the men did not agree with again. (Someone said they probably secretly admired him for his boldness and freedom to embrace his sexuality and fantasy but could not publicly admit to it). However, a grand conspiracy and sustained campaign was launched by the women against him and with the help of the landlord and surrounding neighbours, the randy guy was ejected about two years later. I still sometimes wonder where he lives now, probably still doing his thing or has outgrown it.
Depending on your background and exposure, you may find this story gross, but the truth is that sexual perversion is a reality that has been with us for a long time and would probably be so, for as long as humanity continues to exist. The advent of the internet and subsequently the social media platforms brought to the fore, what hitherto was hardly ever seen or heard in the open.
Today, everywhere you turn, you are likely to spot one kinky sexual behaviour or another being performed, sadly too, without much recourse to societal norm and dictum.
Sexual perversions are conditions in which sexual excitement or orgasm is associated with acts or imagery that are considered unusual within the culture, thus they are also known as socially deviant sexual behaviours. More common in men than women, sexual perversion is considered abnormal sexual activity as they do not adopt the use of acceptable sexual fantasy, activity or objects to heighten their sexual excitement except those that bring distress or impairment to them or others. The most common sexual perversions known to man include but are not limited to:
*The inability to resist an impulse for the sexual act which is sometimes referred to as sex addiction. Where a willing partner is not readily available, the person might resort to rape.
*The need for sexual participation with non-consenting partner -Rape
*The need for sex with under aged or under puberty individuals – Pedophile. This has been taken to an alarming proportion in our society today. Just flip through our Newspapers and you’ll begin to wonder what has taken over our men.
*Sexual acts requiring the suffering or humiliation of oneself – Masochism or of one’s partner – Sadism (which our guy in the story above seems to portray)
*Sexual acts involving watching others undressing or engaging in sexual activity – Voyeurism. (A friend recently narrated how a colleague, while at Med School, was caught peeping at a friend’s girlfriend from above the wall of a bath cubicle. According to him “we pried the door open and found a low life, worm like, idiot, cowering there and we beat him up.”)
*A sexual act involving touching and rubbing against a non consenting person is known as Frotteurism. Many young women who commute by public transportation would probably have fallen victim of such men, especially if you have to stand in a bus. I once witnessed a scuffle between a scrawny looking man and a well endowed, curvy middle aged woman (attack and defence) in a “Molue” bus from CMS to Barracks bus stop. The lady and the man were eventually thrown out of the bus at Stadium bus stop because the lady refused to accept his apology and the pleading of other passengers on his behalf. (Trust Nigerians! sometimes, I think we can even plead for the devil) His offence? He had eventually ejaculated on the woman’s clothes after series of warning that he should keep his distance from her.
*The sexual exhibitionist is one who loves to expose his/her private parts in public.
Unfortunately, I strongly doubt if this will count for an offence in another decade or so because it seems we are now all interested in outdoing one another in displaying who is better endowed in the name of being fashionable. This is not to mention the series of willful pictures in various stages of nudity that are available on the internet!
It is interesting to know that a sexual pervert may also have more than one habit, most of which take root from their childhood experiences and lifestyle. Perversions are treatable and manageable. They only require time, money and expert consultations. Unfortunately, identifying one is not an easy task unless caught in the act as in the cases cited above, while fear of stigmatisation will not allow them seek help.
So, as is my style to share this platform with our readers, please, let’s have your contributions on this issue. Don’t forget to chip in any experience you or someone you know of might have gone through. Sexual perversion is on the rise in our society.
What do we do? Are there some socially acceptable pervert behaviours now? Remember I am available via e-mail address: firstname.lastname@example.org Do have a lovely weekend!