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Chronicles of a comical nation

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By Tiola
A time will come when this too will become an entertaining anecdote round the dinner table and we’ll be like tee hee hee hee…. Remember when then mace was the political weapon of choice…hee hee…’.but for now, our very own theatre of the absurd moves on and is playing out to a packed house in the Garden City.

To think that our ‘intellectuals’ query the plausibility of Nollywood stories when some of our real life stories are weirder and more outlandish than fiction. Abi how do you explain the on-going situation in River’s State?

Hon Evan Bapakaye at Loggerheads with a Mobile Police Officer at the Rivers State House of Assembly during the Crisis that Rocked the House.  Photo: Nwankpa Chijioke
Hon Evan Bapakaye at loggerheads with a Mobile Police Officer at the Rivers State House of Assembly during the crisis that rocked the House. Photo: Nwankpa Chijioke

Mr Ameachi has been the consistent flavour of the month and Aso Rock can’t seem to get enough. It is a terrible thing to fall in the hands of  an angry, spiteful, Nigerian ‘big man’; especially a politician.

A slight change in state party leadership and suddenly 27 people get suspended. That these 27 happen to be members of the state House of Assembly considered loyal to the sitting Governor is just a tiny coincidence as if that’s not enough to give you whiplash, five people then go ahead and impeach the speaker and install a new one in his stead. Chikena! Home grown democracy a la Nija!

What are we on about any way? But for a few tweaks here and there,and a few changes in the cast,this is the same script that played out in Ogun State during the days of Mr Daniels and his black book. Didn’t eight people oust the Speaker at the time and hold sway in the House for several months? And I stand to be corrected but didn’t  Jona himself become Governor of his state under similar circumstances?Plus our mace has been in worse situations than being used as a cudgel during political disagreements. It’s a paradox; the “mace” itself. For an inanimate object that is repeatedly handled with unparalleled levels of disregard; I don’t understand all the pomp and pageantry surrounding it and why they continue to give it the pride of place. I digress. Just another detail in this current bizarre and yet not unfamiliar drama playing out.

No, these comically insane moments of unbridled passion and fury are not alien to us or as seen from time to time other parts of the world. I guess the fact that social media is more pervasive and readily available and by this people are becoming more socio-politically aware, is what brings this one closer to home and reveals just how ugly it can get. Then again there is something pretty disturbing about watching a man repeatedly hitting someone over the head with a blunt object.

I worry though… about the pawns in the game that is fast turning cut-throat with the lead character declaring his willingness to become the next martyr. With the way and manner in which he has been stripped of his security detail may his words not turn out to be prophetic. And as for those five men, they had better pray that the two elephants currently trampling the ground never kiss and make up! Chai! Even if one is sent on a fool’s errand, wisdom, caution and common sense should apply.

So, finally, Mr President picks his battle. I know many of us would have preferred if he concentrated his considerable might to tackling issues that could have a positive impact on the largest number of people possible, which is the real dividend of democracy, but alas!Frankly, if he had faced Boko Haram relentlessly the way he’s pursuing this other matter the problem for don solve small.

So all this brouhaha to what end? And in his own backyard? I think everybody else had better sit up and take notice. If all of this is really about 2015 as they say, well Jona and his henchmen are giving us a preview of coming attractions.

Then again, each time they pull one of these stunts and heat up the polity, I silently wonder to myself if this will be the tipping point, if this is the one that will unravel everything… for there to be a new dispensation the old one has to come to an end somehow abi? Nothing spoil! I’ve got my popcorn and my front row seat, looking forward to seeing how this episode will play out.


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